SIL (age 46) starting to date man who's age 66 -- thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was around that age when he married my stepmom who was around your SIL’s age. Fast forward 20 years or so and dad has years of health problems. Stepmom starts worrying he may end up in nursing home and she could be on the hook. They didn’t plan well and it’s a whole other thread (which we don’t need to go into). So I’d advise not to marry or do lots of planning before hand.

This - fast forward 10 years or less and he could be in need of care. My DF at 78 ended up in a nursing home. The costs are insane and it's depressing. She could end up having to care for her parents and DH all at the same time...that is misery.

[Anonymous]

ONLY for money

And if they stay together and she is expected to take care of him, make sure his will gives HER his money, not his children. Unless his children are there every s single day taking care of him while she goes to lunch and the spa, taking care of her still-young self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advent of Viagra has exacerbated the trend. They call it "hotness delusion syndrome." So men, who don't live as long as women, are the ones who are young for their age, fitter, and all that good stuff. I wouldn't waste my time at 46 with a person who I'm guaranteed to end up as a caregiver and widow, living on my own. So when I am 66 I would be alone. Works out really well for men.

I don't know where people live that they can't find men their own age. It sounds like Hollywood. Where I am I see 50 and 60+ women, the ones who want a partner, finding one that's around their same age. Maybe it's a location thing. My 55 year old neighbour looked after her husband with ALS for 15 years. She remarried 2 years after he died to a man her own age.

This is a good point. Not all or even most men outside of Hollywood are looking to rob the cradle

46 is hardly “the cradle.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she asked for your advice, yes I'd start positive, but also mention other stuff. So glad you are happy and ir sounds like he's a great person. Take your time getting to know him. Blah Blah. I personally think she is better off not marrying him (unless he is rich and doesn't want a prenup...kidding...or not...anyway). I know quite a few people who married older 10 years to 26 years older and to be brutally honest, the ones who married really financially successful guys had no regrets until they became caregivers and they accepted the role with grace. The people who married older men without the financial benefits had many regrets.

Someone is bound to care for the other anyway. My 60-something prof had to bury his late 40s wife earlier this year and he still has two teenage girls to raise.