SIL (age 46) starting to date man who's age 66 -- thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL (age 46) is pretty, smart, funny, and has a good professional job. She has 4 children, and has been divorced for 3 years.

She has recently started to date a great guy (whom she met through her professional circles). Everything about him is great except his age -- 66 years old.

I'm sure the guy absolutely loves having a girlfriend who's 20 years younger. I'm not sure what the advantage is for my SIL (other than not being alone, which didn't really bother her). She asked my advice, and I let her know I'm just happy if she'd happy, but that a guy so much older might be starting to slow down pretty soon, and that they are just at different stages in life. I also reminded her that she has so much to offer, and that tons of guys in their 40's and 50's would be interested in her. (At her age, she could perhaps do something like eHarmony.)

Any thoughts or input welcome.

NP I would tell her to take things slow but, it is fine for her to have fun. The only concern I would have is how he treats her children ( esp. if they live at home) and how they like him. Just because you are dating ( see the thread my girlfriend won't marry me!) doesn't mean you have to marry.

[Anonymous]

My friend married a 50 yo man when she was 25. He looked like he had money, but had more debt in actuality. He didn't want kids because he had adult kids already. He stopped working 10 years later and so she supports him and provides healthcare for him. She is 57, no kids with an decrepit 82 yo husband to care for. She regrets her marriage and not having kids.

[Anonymous]

The advent of Viagra has exacerbated the trend. They call it "hotness delusion syndrome." So men, who don't live as long as women, are the ones who are young for their age, fitter, and all that good stuff. I wouldn't waste my time at 46 with a person who I'm guaranteed to end up as a caregiver and widow, living on my own. So when I am 66 I would be alone. Works out really well for men.

I don't know where people live that they can't find men their own age. It sounds like Hollywood. Where I am I see 50 and 60+ women, the ones who want a partner, finding one that's around their same age. Maybe it's a location thing. My 55 year old neighbour looked after her husband with ALS for 15 years. She remarried 2 years after he died to a man her own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: tons of guys in their 40's and 50's would be interested in her. (At her age, she could perhaps do something like eHarmony.)

No, they want women in their 20s and 30s. In other words, 20 years younger than them, just like the 66 year old guy wants.

Frankly, 46 is not all that great of a deal for him. Maybe it's the best he can get, but I'm sure he'd prefer a woman in her 20s or 30s too.

PP, are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advent of Viagra has exacerbated the trend. They call it "hotness delusion syndrome." So men, who don't live as long as women, are the ones who are young for their age, fitter, and all that good stuff. I wouldn't waste my time at 46 with a person who I'm guaranteed to end up as a caregiver and widow, living on my own. So when I am 66 I would be alone. Works out really well for men.

I don't know where people live that they can't find men their own age. It sounds like Hollywood. Where I am I see 50 and 60+ women, the ones who want a partner, finding one that's around their same age. Maybe it's a location thing. My 55 year old neighbour looked after her husband with ALS for 15 years. She remarried 2 years after he died to a man her own age.

Did she reconnect with a high school/college sweetheart? I’ve seen that happen several times with my mom’s widowed and divorced friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he rich?
If Yes, keep
If No, run

OP here. He's doing fine financially, but nothing major. He's middle class or a bit better -- no money problems at all They could probably buy a nicer house together than each of them has now.

He's well-educated and nice and ethical and humble and funny -- all good traits.

My SIL will be an empty nester in a few years, and I thought she would enjoy some travel and fun times, as my SIL is in very good shape and very active. She just doesn't quite see how great she is, and I think she is settling for someone who's easy to find (e.g. in the same professional circles). Also, my SIL had a bit of a loser of a father, and so I know there's research about women seeking someone like a father-figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he rich?
If Yes, keep
If No, run

OP here. He's doing fine financially, but nothing major. He's middle class or a bit better -- no money problems at all They could probably buy a nicer house together than each of them has now.

He's well-educated and nice and ethical and humble and funny -- all good traits.

OK, so he's a great guy, and she's happy, and there's no reason for you to concern yourself about this at all.

You asked, "what the advantage is for my SIL" in this relationship. Answer: she has a man who is financially stable, well-educated, nice, ethical, humble, funny. How many women can say the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he rich?
If Yes, keep
If No, run

OP here. He's doing fine financially, but nothing major. He's middle class or a bit better -- no money problems at all They could probably buy a nicer house together than each of them has now.

He's well-educated and nice and ethical and humble and funny -- all good traits.

OK, so he's a great guy, and she's happy, and there's no reason for you to concern yourself about this at all.

You asked, "what the advantage is for my SIL" in this relationship. Answer: she has a man who is financially stable, well-educated, nice, ethical, humble, funny. How many women can say the same?

NP here (age 49 and married to someone my age). I think women should have standards. Sounds like your SIL has a lot going for her. I'm pretty sure she could find someone younger (but she does have 4 kids, which could be a deterrent to some men).

[Anonymous]

How is this remotely any of your business?

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and I'm dating a guy who is 68. Marriage isn't in the cards because when I'm 65 he'd be 83 and we both know the health issues etc. But he's smart, fun, successful, good looking and great in bed....unaided. I do wish he was ten years younger and so does he but we are enjoying what we have.

[Anonymous]

We don’t know what life has in store for us. If they have found love together, good for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this remotely any of your business?

I agree, but OP said that the SIL asked for OP's input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP here (age 49 and married to someone my age). I think women should have standards. Sounds like your SIL has a lot going for her. I'm pretty sure she could find someone younger (but she does have 4 kids, which could be a deterrent to some men).

Were you single recently? The dating market now in the DC area for late 40s/early 50s women is at least 15 years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he rich?
If Yes, keep
If No, run

OP here. He's doing fine financially, but nothing major. He's middle class or a bit better -- no money problems at all They could probably buy a nicer house together than each of them has now.

He's well-educated and nice and ethical and humble and funny -- all good traits.

OK, so he's a great guy, and she's happy, and there's no reason for you to concern yourself about this at all.

You asked, "what the advantage is for my SIL" in this relationship. Answer: she has a man who is financially stable, well-educated, nice, ethical, humble, funny. How many women can say the same?

NP here (age 49 and married to someone my age). I think women should have standards. Sounds like your SIL has a lot going for her. I'm pretty sure she could find someone younger (but she does have 4 kids, which could be a deterrent to some men).

And "financially stable, well-educated, nice, ethical, humble, funny" don't meet those standards? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he rich?
If Yes, keep
If No, run

OP here. He's doing fine financially, but nothing major. He's middle class or a bit better -- no money problems at all They could probably buy a nicer house together than each of them has now.

He's well-educated and nice and ethical and humble and funny -- all good traits.

My SIL will be an empty nester in a few years, and I thought she would enjoy some travel and fun times, as my SIL is in very good shape and very active. She just doesn't quite see how great she is, and I think she is settling for someone who's easy to find (e.g. in the same professional circles). Also, my SIL had a bit of a loser of a father, and so I know there's research about women seeking someone like a father-figure.

Tell her to keep her options open and date but not to get married in a hurry.