"I do a lot more than most guys I know!"
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Anonymous
Tell him that from now on, you'll tell him each morning the things he'll need to do. If he wants input in what contributions he makes, he can come and talk to you in the evenings before you turn in and coordinate what he'll do. Otherwise, the mornings will be like "I'm taking Jack to school but you'll need to get Jill to the dentist and then to school. Also, before you go to bed, you'll need to unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away." If he complains or says he can't, remind him that he could start talking to you in the evenings before you go to bed and he can be part of the planning. Otherwise, he'll need to call the dentist to cancel and reschedule the appointment for when he can go and then he'll still have to take Jill to school." Then leave with Jack. Tell him that if he is not willing to step up that you'll hire help and he'll have to find the money to pay for the hired help to help in the mornings and evenings for the household work he is not doing. And I am a guy, so I'm not just a wife being a bitch. For guys, you need to give them hard instructions for what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and the consequences if they are not done. Guys aren't going to sit and hear "I need you to pitch in more." and actively do that. |
Anonymous
| My DH pulled the same 'better than other guys' to which I responded that I married him not them and I am not comparing but thought we had been clear on expectations when WE decided to have kids. this has made an impression but too often there is a default to being a task parent (doing what he's told needs to be done) vs being on top of and leading |
Anonymous
talk is cheap and with a five dollar bill will get you a drink at Starbucks. |
Anonymous
What the the heck. How old are your kids? Why are you getting their backpacks ready? Over the age of 5 they need to be doing this themselves and you create a huge checklist with pictures if they can’t read yet and do a chorepad or something with stickers/rewards for incentives. Why did you have two directions to go with the kids? If this is something planned don’t sign them up unless DH agrees and you have worked out how they get there. While I agree in theory he could have offered to help, my thought is if someone plans something on their own, they have a plan to execute on their own. My mom wants would sign us up for things and at the last minute tell my dad he needed to pick us up. They would have huge arguments over this to the point I hated asking to do anything. I didn’t get my dad’s side of it until I was an adult and my mom did this to me. I had to leave my the job early to pick my sister up from cheerleading practice cross-town and this was only mentioned 6am on the morning of. Depending on my employer, this could have big an issue and my mom really didn’t give me a choice or even a conversation on what may have been a convenient time. As far as DH and the sick days etc, I’m with the pp. Options are either SAHM or hiring an au pair if he doesn’t want to step up because it definitely isn’t fair for my job to pay me the same salary as him and I’m always taking the unexpected sick day to take care of the children, all school closures and doctors appointment. This was a conversation I had early on with my DH. And yes I asked if his coworkers had stay at home wives and yes, most of the never lift a finger guys had SAHWs. I made the point that for my DH to have the same, I needed to also be SAH. But since I personally would want to be able to get a break, get out the house and work on the side (in my mind to make sure he had some responsibility and I did get a break), I would end up with a part time job on weekends and maybe evenings. In the end, my DH didn’t think it was worth my six figure salary for me to cover all sick days and doctor appointments and him to take on more during the weekends. |
Anonymous
| PS, I would add that I don’t think you will get out of doing the majority of the planning BUT you can control how much of it you do. I know parents that don’t do extra volunteering and don’t have the kids in many organized activities. Certain things can end up being doled out. Like after I completely coordinatied everything after we had water in the basement, I asked DH to take point in the HVAC issues and he did. |
Anonymous
| Quit your job and SAHM. If that’s what his friends wives do, you should do that too. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but I was on the fence about having kids. Her biological clock was ticking and I acceded. I'll take 1/3 of the responsibility. |
Anonymous
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Do not compare yourself with WORSE people, compare yourself with BETTER people. My mantra whenever my husband starts in that direction. |
Anonymous
Or she can divorce you and take 1/2 your money and 3/4 time with the kids. Fair? |
froggymom
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| Marriage is a partnership ( http://bit.ly/2yQWOAR ) and must be worked at on an ongoing basis. You might consider having an honest conversation and sharing your feelings and concerns. You both need to be on the same page in the marriage and in the parenting. |
Anonymous
| Cut back on sex to once every month or two. When he complains, point out that it's more than a lot of married women do. |