Reply to "I do a lot more than most guys I know!"

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Reply to ""I do a lot more than most guys I know!""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Present it as a problem: he may do more than the other men in his office but you are at your breaking point. Either he needs to step up or 1. You need to hire an au pair or nanny or 2. You I’ll stop working full time or at all. Maybe when he considers the free extra overtime you are currently crumbling under, he will get it. Sometimes the only thing that works is a talk that involves the budget.

What do you really want op if he doesn’t step up?[/quote]

I told him last night that I am completely overwhelmed and losing it. This morning we had two kids to take two different directions and it still didn't occur to him that he could offer to take one. He said he'd do it once I explained that I had to go two different directions and it would add 15+ minutes and I was running out of time to do things like get my own self ready for work (having already made breakfast for kids, rescheduled the cleaner, did work for my job, got kids backpacks ready...though he did wash his own dishes from the previous night).

I want a more equitable division of labor. Not just hands-on work but some of the thinking and planning that goes into running a life too. [/quote]

Tell him that from now on, you'll tell him each morning the things he'll need to do.  If he wants input in what contributions he makes, he can come and talk to you in the evenings before you turn in and coordinate what he'll do.  Otherwise, the mornings will be like "I'm taking Jack to school but you'll need to get Jill to the dentist and then to school.  Also, before you go to bed, you'll need to unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away."  If he complains or says he can't, remind him that he could start talking to you in the evenings before you go to bed and he can be part of the planning.  Otherwise, he'll need to call the dentist to cancel and reschedule the appointment for when he can go and then he'll still have to take Jill to school."  Then leave with Jack.  Tell him that if he is not willing to step up that you'll hire help and he'll have to find the money to pay for the hired help to help in the mornings and evenings for the household work he is not doing.

And I am a guy, so I'm not just a wife being a bitch.  For guys, you need to give them hard instructions for what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and the consequences if they are not done.  Guys aren't going to sit and hear "I need you to pitch in more." and actively do that. [/quote]

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