Reply to "I do a lot more than most guys I know!"

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Reply to ""I do a lot more than most guys I know!""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Present it as a problem: he may do more than the other men in his office but you are at your breaking point. Either he needs to step up or 1. You need to hire an au pair or nanny or 2. You I’ll stop working full time or at all. Maybe when he considers the free extra overtime you are currently crumbling under, he will get it. Sometimes the only thing that works is a talk that involves the budget.

What do you really want op if he doesn’t step up?[/quote]

I told him last night that I am completely overwhelmed and losing it. This morning we had two kids to take two different directions and it still didn't occur to him that he could offer to take one. He said he'd do it once I explained that I had to go two different directions and it would add 15+ minutes and I was running out of time to do things like get my own self ready for work (having already made breakfast for kids, rescheduled the cleaner, did work for my job, got kids backpacks ready...though he did wash his own dishes from the previous night).

I want a more equitable division of labor. Not just hands-on work but some of the thinking and planning that goes into running a life too. [/quote]

What the the heck.  How old are your kids? Why are you getting their backpacks ready?  Over the age of 5 they need to be doing this themselves and you create a huge checklist with pictures if they can’t read yet and do a chorepad or something with stickers/rewards for incentives.

Why did you have two directions to go with the kids?  If this is something planned don’t sign them up unless DH agrees and you have worked out how they get there.  While I agree in theory he could have offered to help, my thought is if someone plans something on their own, they have a plan to execute on their own.  My mom wants would sign us up for things and at the last minute tell my dad he needed to pick us up.  They would have huge arguments over this to the point I hated asking to do anything. I didn’t get my dad’s side of it until I was an adult and my mom did this to me.  I had to leave my the job early to pick my sister up from cheerleading practice cross-town and this was only mentioned 6am on the morning of.  Depending on my employer, this could have big an issue and my mom really didn’t give me a choice or even a conversation on what may have been a  convenient time.

As far as DH and the sick days etc, I’m with the pp.  Options are either SAHM or hiring an au pair if he doesn’t want to step up because it definitely isn’t fair for my job to pay me the same salary as him and I’m always taking the unexpected sick day to take care of the children, all school closures and doctors appointment. This was a conversation I had early on with my DH. And yes I asked if his coworkers had stay at home wives and yes, most of the never lift a finger guys had SAHWs.  I made the point that for my DH to have the same, I needed to also be SAH.  But since I personally would want to be able to get a break, get out the house and work on the side (in my mind to make sure he had some responsibility and I did get a break), I would end up with a part time job on weekends and maybe evenings.  In the end, my DH didn’t think it was worth my six figure salary for me to cover all sick days and doctor appointments and him to take on more during the weekends.
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