Am I being a bitch?
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Anonymous
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My DH does stuff like this - uses whatever he needs (my keys, his wallet, etc) and leaves it all over the place. I complained endlessly and got no change, its annoying but not malicious and I just needed to find a way to manage the annoyance around it.
Two very tactical things I did - 1) order a bunch of TILES and have them on all keys, one in his wallet, one taped to the back of his phone, ipad etc. Now he can find any of his stuff, and I can find mine if he's left it somewhere. 2) Put things I know he's inclined to take of mine in out of sight spots. He searches for his own keys if he doesn't see mine laying on the counter |
Anonymous
| A good example of why it's good to live together before getting married or having kids. |
Anonymous
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My DH did this maybe twice. He leaves his wallet upstairs on his dresser after he gets home and my purse is in the living room. So if he's buying/paying things at night, he uses my card. He would then leave my wallet somewhere like the couch. I asked him to please put it all back in my purse and put my purse back where I found it.
Now he does. A total non-issue after 1 or 2 times. Why? Because he's not a jerk. |
Anonymous
| NOPE you are not. That aggravate me to no end!! |
Anonymous
+1. I have never understood why some people lie on DCUM. |
Anonymous
I've always thought there's a large percentage of troll posts in this particular forum. There's a lot of posts that just don't make any sense at all. |
Anonymous
I think it would be a "natural consequence" for dad to reschedule and take his daughter to the doctor. If he will do it 
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Anonymous
| How is your sex life? |
Anonymous
New poster. Same rule in our house. No one goes into my purse. I asked my daughter to get my phone out of my purse while we were driving and she said, "are you sure?" Purses are off limits. By the way, so is his wallet. I'd never open his wallet--I'd ask him to get what I need. |
Anonymous
| Welp in my house we don't have anything g to hide. He can rummage through my purse all he wants. What's he going to find, tampons? OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!! Just another thing for OP to complain about. Not putting your card back? Sure, annoying. But stop making this some huge issue. It makes you sound like an undesirable nag. |
Anonymous
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For all you that think the DH is just a jerk, consider that he has ADD. My Dh does and as a result he is constantly losing his wallet, keys, phone, etc. Not losing them for real, but always running around the house looking for them. It is also really difficult for him to remember to put things back where he got them (which is why he's always losing his things). He will often take the cc out of my wallet and leave it where he was using it with the full intention of putting it back after finishing whatever he was doing. but then inevitably he forgets to.
OP - as frustrating as it is, you cannot change him. To ease your frustration, you need to take measures to protect yourself. Have a separate pocket or zipped pouch or something that is always in your purse that holds an extra cc, extra money and whatever you need for your upcoming appointments (DD's passport). It's what I started doing and it's saved me a bunch of heartache. |
Anonymous
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Is your daughter over 18? If not - and you say pediatrician - then troll, you need to provide id, not your child. It's called consent of a minor child
Leave money and a spare card in your car. Or in a little wristlet that your keys are on. Or at your desk at work. Or in your tampon drawer. Or in the back of your phone case. I have lots of little stashes all over the place, and I don't have to worry about leaving my wallet in the other car by accident, or in my work bag, or not having spur of the moment lunch or mall money for someone or whatever. |
Anonymous
PP, I hope you remember this post when you are stuck somewhere and can't find your credit card and have no cash and they won't take a check or you have no checkbook. Maybe you'll remember it as you realize you're at the only gas station for miles around, the tank is empty, and your card isn't there and you have no cash. Maybe you'll be standing at the checkout with a cart full of groceries and a line behind you and you realize your spouse has your credit card and you have $5.00 in your pocket. Enjoy the sensation. This isn't just an annoyance. OP goes out to do things like buy groceries for her entire family and discovers she can't pay. She gets to the doctor's office and doesn't have a required document and has to bail on an appointment (and many doctor's offices now will charge you a fee for the visit anyway if you have to walk away like that). Her husband is not acting like a functional, thinking member of the whole family; he's only thinking of himself, in that one moment when he wants her card or cash. You seem to think OP is trying to hide something from him. That is not at all what she said. Read the post. As for those who are sure OP is a troll because of the reference to the passport for ID at the doctor's office -- you don't know her situation or that doctor's practices. You just want to shout "troll" at someone. My friend has to take her kid to specialists and some of them want to see some kind of ID for her child, not just for her as the parent. It does happen. OP, why is there one credit card in the family? We have one account but two cards, one for each of us. If it's a matter of his having a card of his own but mislaying his wallet, tough. I might get a keychain wallet and then have a place where you hide your keys/wallet every time you enter the house; don't put them in your purse but someplace you know that he won't go. (I would never advocate leaving a credit card in the car, ever. That's asking for it to get stolen.) Meanwhile--OP, I'd talk to him about it again, and list every time you've needed something that wasn't there because he had taken it. And he absolutely should take your child to that doctor appointment. |
Anonymous
I have ADHD and I don't take DH's stuff without permission. I have before when I got in a bind because I misplaced my wallet (which happened way more than I like to admit). After a time or two of him having to ask me to replace something I shouldn't have had in the first place, we had a huge fight. I realized how frustrating it was for him. I lose things all the time, so not having a particular credit card when I wanted to purchase something online wouldn't get under my skin. I'd just think I misplaced it. Again. But DH is super organized and it drove him crazy. After that it clicked. Not how to fix the problem, but that it was a problem. I was undiagnosed at that time, so I had to use trial and error to find a strategy that worked for me. Now I'm on meds and it's so much better. My point is, even with ADHD, people can be considerate. It might take them longer to get it right, but there's no reason they can't at least try. It's not just about being organized, it's about being respectful and caring about your partner's feelings. The best thing for me was having a designated space for my belongings, especially the essentials I need when I leave the house. I have a little shelf by the front door for my purse, my wallet, my keys, earbuds, a reusable shopping bag, and some slip on shoes. If I take my wallet out of my purse, I always leave my purse there so I can slip it back in when I get home. Maybe you can track where DH sets his stuff down and make him a station there. Trying to train him to put things in a new spot will be too much for him. The first step is getting everything in one place. Then if you want to move it, see how he feels about it. Keep your stuff in a separate place because if he goes to get his keys and they didn't get out there, you don't want him to grab yours instead. Maybe even put yours in an inconvenient place without telling him where you're keeping them. It's more work for everyone for a little while, but you're breaking decades worth of bad habits. It's possible though. I thought I was hopeless and now I haven't lost my keys in about 3 years. (Sometimes in the winter I'll forget to take them out of my coat pocket and put them on the shelf, but that's rare. Once I woke up in the middle of the night almost in panic mode, because I had forgotten to put them away.) |
Anonymous
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He should not be going & digging around in your purse w/out your permission.
And if he does, the very least he could do is put things back how they were. No, you are NOT being a bitch at all. He is. |