Anonymous wrote:One possible compromise: could you buy a small place in MoCo and then buy a very small weekend place somewhere in the wilderness? You could both have a good commuting location during the week and spend weekends out in nature.

Anonymous wrote:I kind of do, yeah. But, kids. Y'know?

ZachF wrote:So, Frederick is "the country?" You couldn't pay me the difference it costs between Frederick and MOCO to live in MOCO. Diversity isn't all that. MOCO does have diversity, it also has a high crime rate and terrible congestion just to be 20 minutes closer to the permanent traffic jamb of the beltway. Perhaps you should visit Frederick county and look at some houses to help you better decide where you want to live, and where you can actually afford to live with all your student loans.

A loan is not the same as the deed to the house. They are mutually exclusive. You can buy the house in both your names. Let a lender tell you if it makes sense to have you on the loan. If you aren't working and have nothing but debt, then you shouldn't be on the loan. If you have an income, it will be better for you, most likely, no matter your student loans. They need to look at all debt versus all income.

ZachF wrote:So, Frederick is "the country?" You couldn't pay me the difference it costs between Frederick and MOCO to live in MOCO. Diversity isn't all that. MOCO does have diversity, it also has a high crime rate and terrible congestion just to be 20 minutes closer to the permanent traffic jamb of the beltway. Perhaps you should visit Frederick county and look at some houses to help you better decide where you want to live, and where you can actually afford to live with all your student loans.

A loan is not the same as the deed to the house. They are mutually exclusive. You can buy the house in both your names. Let a lender tell you if it makes sense to have you on the loan. If you aren't working and have nothing but debt, then you shouldn't be on the loan. If you have an income, it will be better for you, most likely, no matter your student loans. They need to look at all debt versus all income.

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A MAN YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED TO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just some thoughts:

You can get a prenuptial agreement to deal with the property, but honestly if you are married in Maryland, all property, no matter how titled, is considered marital property, so you'd get your fair share in a divorce.

My husband is similar and wants to live in the country. I want to live in the city. We are right in the middle in Rockville. What is it about the country that appeals to him? Are those specific things something you can find closer in? Would some place like Darnestown with bigger pieces of property make him feel like it's a country setting, while keeping you closer in?

I was the one to give primary care to our child when he was born. I worked close to where I live, which I think is important, because I had to pick up our son from day care when sick, for snow days, etc. It is extremely helpful to have someone close to the day care situation. It may be different if you get a nanny, but keep those logistics in mind.

This post is inaccurate. If the boyfriend buys a house in his name before they are married, I don't think it's necessarily considered marital property, even in Maryland.

OP is a fool if she contributes to the mortgage but doesn't get her name on the deed.

OP, it sounds like you and your BF aren't ready to make a house purchase together. Do you currently live together? Can you rent for a year or two?

Anonymous wrote:I bought a home with my now-husband before we were married. I provided 90% of the downpayment (I have always earned more than he) but we are jointly on the deed and we each contribute 85% of our salary to a joint account from which the mortgage and other joint expenses are paid. Prior to buying, we had lived together for several years. We now have been married 5+ years (together 10+) and have one child. Although I know it doesn't sound like it here, I love him very much.

Some cold practical thoughts:

1. I wish we had not moved in together until we were at least engaged. Living together makes it really hard to view your relationship clearly, and really hard to leave. Also, the stereotype was true in my case: he didn't want to get married since we were already living together, and I basically pushed him into it (which I regret, even though I don't regret marrying). If we had not been living together, we might have broken up, which is sad to think about, but if we hadn't broken up I think our relationship would be stronger than it is now.

Counterpoint: financially, buying when and where we did has worked out great. I probably could not have bought the house on my own, so that would have been a lost opportunity. Also, there is a really difficult adjustment period when you move in with someone, and in some ways it's better to get that out of the way before you are bound by marriage and mortgage. Still, in my specific case, I wish we'd waited.

2. I wish we did not live so far from my family and friends, especially now that we have a child. I did not move here for DH, but I stayed here for him. His friends and family are nearby; I'm from across the country. I've been here over 10 years and still have no really close local friends. I wish my parents could be around my child more and I wish I did not have to lean so much on my ILs for help. And, at least I still have the job I moved out here to take. If you leave your job and your support network, what do you have? Only him.

3. I wish we had more values and desires in common. I thought he was interested in the things I wanted to do (remodeling the house, volunteering) and often he seemed to be, but over the years it's become clear that he really is not into those things. The one hobby he is into, I am not. I can't say exactly how I misunderstood that about him for so many years. But I will say that if you already know you don't agree on where and how to spend your time, that is a big red flag because that difference will only become more pronounced.

Best of luck.