Reply to Do you regret getting married?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do you regret getting married?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I bought a home with my now-husband before we were married.  I provided 90% of the downpayment (I have always earned more than he) but we are jointly on the deed and we each contribute 85% of our salary to a joint account from which the mortgage and other joint expenses are paid.  Prior to buying, we had lived together for several years.  We now have been married 5+ years (together 10+) and have one child.   Although I know it doesn't sound like it here, I love him very much.

Some cold practical thoughts:

1. I wish we had not moved in together until we were at least engaged.  Living together makes it really hard to view your relationship clearly, and really hard to leave.  Also, the stereotype was true in my case: he didn't want to get married since we were already living together, and I basically pushed him into it (which I regret, even though I don't regret marrying).  If we had not been living together, we might have broken up, which is sad to think about, but if we hadn't broken up I think our relationship would be stronger than it is now.

Counterpoint: financially, buying when and where we did has worked out great.  I probably could not have bought the house on my own, so that would have been a lost opportunity.  Also, there is a really difficult adjustment period when you move in with someone, and in some ways it's better to get that out of the way before you are bound by marriage and mortgage.  Still, in my specific case, I wish we'd waited.

2. I wish we did not live so far from my family and friends, especially now that we have a child.  I did not move here for DH, but I stayed here for him.  His friends and family are nearby; I'm from across the country.  I've been here over 10 years and still have no really close local friends.  I wish my parents could be around my child more and I wish I did not have to lean so much on my ILs for help.  And, at least I still have the job I moved out here to take.  If you leave your job and your support network, what do you have?  Only him.

3. I wish we had more values and desires in common.  I thought he was interested in the things I wanted to do (remodeling the house, volunteering) and often he seemed to be, but over the years it's become clear that he really is not into those things.  The one hobby he is into, I am not.  I can't say exactly how I misunderstood that about him for so many years.  But I will say that if you [u]already [/u]know you don't agree on where and how to spend your time, that is a big red flag because that difference will only become more pronounced.

Best of luck.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics