Do you regret getting married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: if you are married in Maryland, all property, no matter how titled, is considered marital property, so you'd get your fair share in a divorce.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: if you are married in Maryland, all property, no matter how titled, is considered marital property, so you'd get your fair share in a divorce.

this

They aren't married. Op didn't give any indication the bf is interested in marriage. Only she's thinking about it. Sounds like bf is moving on with his life and buying a home. He will have a new gf in less than a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe having a kid while make thing better.

Bahahaha!!!

[Anonymous]

There is no mention of getting married in your post?

You are talking about buying a home with someone that is your boyfriend, then contributing to the mortgage while the home is in his name.

You need a lawyer before you do this, since it sounds like you are going to contribute to this house without any protection of marriage.

Why aren't you getting married?

[Anonymous]

Girlfriend, you are not buying a home together.

He is buying a home.
He's buying it where he wants, it's going to be in his name.
You are going to be essentially a renter, i.e., paying him to live there.

Unless you are on the deed, contribute to the down payment, and have legal docs made up establishing what happens when you break up (i.e., you get half your down payment back, whatever), you are just his live in girlfriend.

Don't be stupid and fall for the "this is going to be our house baby" without doing your due diligence on how to make it legal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no mention of getting married in your post?

You are talking about buying a home with someone that is your boyfriend, then contributing to the mortgage while the home is in his name.

You need a lawyer before you do this, since it sounds like you are going to contribute to this house without any protection of marriage.

Why aren't you getting married?

Her first line says they are discussing marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no mention of getting married in your post?

You are talking about buying a home with someone that is your boyfriend, then contributing to the mortgage while the home is in his name.

You need a lawyer before you do this, since it sounds like you are going to contribute to this house without any protection of marriage.

Why aren't you getting married?

Her first line says they are discussing marriage.

I was reacting to the one and only line that says they are "discussing" marriage, not having a date set or even an engagement, while the other 99 % of the post is about buying a home while they are not married.

It reads like they are going to buy a home as BF/GF, well, he's going to buy a home, on some distant and vague discussion only without any action of being married.
And that's only good for the person who makes 2x as much and is going to have a home in his name in his preferred location.

[Anonymous]

Run for the hills. He is getting everything. You, nothing. Some one will treasure you. It's not this guy.

First engagement. Then house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no mention of getting married in your post?

You are talking about buying a home with someone that is your boyfriend, then contributing to the mortgage while the home is in his name.

You need a lawyer before you do this, since it sounds like you are going to contribute to this house without any protection of marriage.

Why aren't you getting married?

Her first line says they are discussing marriage.

I was reacting to the one and only line that says they are "discussing" marriage, not having a date set or even an engagement, while the other 99 % of the post is about buying a home while they are not married.

It reads like they are going to buy a home as BF/GF, well, he's going to buy a home, on some distant and vague discussion only without any action of being married.
And that's only good for the person who makes 2x as much and is going to have a home in his name in his preferred location.

I read it that because they were discussing marriage they were discussing housing logistics and where to live, etc. Coupled with her title, I didn't get the impression that the marriage was a throw away discussion, but pretty legit.
Either way I agree with you, this isn't a good plan for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just some thoughts:

You can get a prenuptial agreement to deal with the property, but honestly if you are married in Maryland, all property, no matter how titled, is considered marital property, so you'd get your fair share in a divorce.

My husband is similar and wants to live in the country. I want to live in the city. We are right in the middle in Rockville. What is it about the country that appeals to him? Are those specific things something you can find closer in? Would some place like Darnestown with bigger pieces of property make him feel like it's a country setting, while keeping you closer in?

I was the one to give primary care to our child when he was born. I worked close to where I live, which I think is important, because I had to pick up our son from day care when sick, for snow days, etc. It is extremely helpful to have someone close to the day care situation. It may be different if you get a nanny, but keep those logistics in mind.

This post is inaccurate. If the boyfriend buys a house in his name before they are married, I don't think it's necessarily considered marital property, even in Maryland.

OP is a fool if she contributes to the mortgage but doesn't get her name on the deed.

OP, it sounds like you and your BF aren't ready to make a house purchase together. Do you currently live together? Can you rent for a year or two?

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't assume that student loans will give you a bad interest rate. I have loans from professional school that are quite hefty but we got 3.5% fixed.

Now that being said, break up with this guy. He sounds like he isn't that compatible with you...and he sounds like he wants things his way only and never compromises. Not what works for a marriage partner!

[Anonymous]

OP, you should consider why you want to be with this guy. If you are so dissimilar (introvert v. extrovert, country guy v. city girl, etc.), are you complimentary or is it just tension? If you are this doubtful now, after 1.5 years, I think you should cut your losses. Find someone who you don't have to worry about these things with.

And, if you end up staying, as others have said, you could be on the deed but not the mortgage. My husband's credit rating is abysmal and mine is good - the mortgage is in my name only but we are both on the deed. Personally, I don't think you should be getting a house with this guy, but the whole mortgage/deed issue is a red herring.

[Anonymous]

What I do, as well as friends of mine that have been together since high school and bought a home before being married, is contribute separate but equal. He pays the morgage and I buy furnishings. I make less and my contributions are dependent on my income, as is his morgage. We split other bills and grocery shopping. This way, if things don't work out as we plan, we both get out what we put in.

The issue of moving and quitting your job... That is a terrible idea. Why does his desire to live in the country trump your desire to live in the city as well as your need to maintain pleasurable and worth while employment? It does not appear that he values you as an equal in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP:
You are very smart to think about these logistics prior to tying the knot.

Many people jump into marriage, throwing caution to the wind while following their hearts only.
Then of course they find they made a horrible mistake later on & feel trapped by their stupid decision.

You will not ever dig yourself into that hole as long as you continue relying on your common sense which it appears you have an abundance of.

Until you + your boyfriend can each make sure your compromises can work for the two of you, I strongly encourage you both to hold off on setting a date.

And do not purchase a home together until you are legally wed.
When and if you DO eventually wed, make darned sure your name is also on your home's deed.

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can get the mortgage but also add you to the deed. Do not agree to paying house expenses and mortgage without being on the deed or married for your financial protection. I suspect you'll get very resentful of the lifestyle he wants.

+1. I was changing jobs right around the time we closed on our house, so we put the mortgage entirely in his name because it would have been more of a pain to provide information about my income and his was high enough to qualify for our rate. I am on the title, though. I would not have bought a house with DH before at least being engaged, though I know people who have. Of my closest friends who did that, one has been married to the guy for 12 years (first of my high school friends to get married) and the other broke up with her BF about a year later and the house made the break up a little messier. So, my point, is that it can go either way with buying a house while unmarried.

The bigger issue seems to be that you are having doubts and that you are having trouble compromising. DH and I are possibly similar to you both in that he would love to live in a much more rural/far out place than I would. So we compromise, neither living right downtown nor living in the middle of nowhere. DH would never insist on buying a house somewhere that would limit my job opportunities, that would actually be bad for both of us. The fact that you can't discuss and compromise on these things is concerning. Maybe he thinks that it doesn't make sense to do so yet since you aren't married...but in that case it also doens't make sense to buy a house together.

And agree with others...don't contribute to a mortgage if you aren't on the title. If the amount is comparable to rent you would otherwise pay, that might make sense...but otherwise, no.