happy in passionless marriage - anyone out there

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[Post New]04/14/2016 11:01
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TwistdMike
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Dude... To settle and coast is sad. You need the energize and envoke!

Go after what you want and desire, with your spouse!
[Post New]04/14/2016 11:10
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Anonymous
OP, passion is not in the cards for some of us. There is no point in blowing up your admittedly comfortable world to find yourself old and alone. You know your circumstances, you can reasonably weigh your options. What are your realistic chances of actually meeting Prince Charming and having him fall head over hills with you? Are you willing to date again? More importantly, are you willing to wade through a ton of garbage before you meet someone you can actually consider relationship material? It's all up to you.
[Post New]04/14/2016 11:31
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How many long term marriages have passion?

I'm guessing 3 percent


Yup. How much passion do you expect after 20+ yrs, kids, etc. Ask any gyno. They'll tell you most women over a certain age say that if they never had sex again, they won't care.


I guess I'm in that 3 percent. My husband and I have been together almost 24 years, married for 19, and we still have decent sex, usually twice a week. We are in our early 50s and have teenagers at home. If I wasn't getting it from him, I'd certainly seek it elsewhere. What do older women want in life if not sex? Curling up in their pajamas with a good book lol?


I would say YES, most older women prefer pajamas and a good book to sex.
Married man here, early 50s, and this describes my own wife and most of the wives of my friends.
And I have a LOT of friends who, in various ways, without any real prompting, make this evident.
[Post New]04/14/2016 12:02
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Anonymous
A really interesting read about a man who owned a hotel and spied on his guests sex habits. Most couples had some to little sex - and this is a hotel where they were on vacation, i.e. ideal conditions for sex. his stats:

—12% of all observable couples at the motel are highly sexed.

—62% lead moderately active sexual lives.

—22% are of low-drive sexually.

—3% have no sex at all.

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/04/11/gay-talese-the-voyeurs-motel

As much as many of us want passion, it just doesn't seem to be a realistic goal. You can have passion or stability/monogamy, but rarely both.
[Post New]04/14/2016 15:23
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Anonymous
I think its possible for people to be happy in a low sex companionate marriage. I don't think you will be.

Sex is the glue of a marriage. Period. End of story. Anyone who tells you otherwise is someone who doesn't want to have sex with their partner and is indulging in wishful thinking that their spouse might be happy. It's untrue. They are headed for marital downfall. You are already understandably questioning your relationship. End it, while you are young and childless.
[Post New]04/14/2016 21:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am in a great, happy, fulfilling marriage, but "passion" isn't ever a word I would use to describe my relationship (DW here. High drive). We have two kids and I respect and deeply love my husband as a great match for my soul.

Right now, our sex lives are built on love and respect. As another PP noted, nothing else can fill the void of sex. We have sex 1-2 times per week, it is satisfying and provides us connection. It is based in love and kindness, but not passion. However, if we didn't both make the effort because we know we need to, sex could easily fall off the radar.

Do I dream about having a passion filled romantic life? Sometimes. But mostly I've told myself that I have a really great, loving, supportive, and amazing relationship. And would I want to sacrifice any of that to have passion? For me the answer is "no. that is not worth it to me."


This is similar to me and my husband,except we have one kid and have sex a lot less frequently and at this point mainly for TTC purposes (we've been trying for nearly a year with several miscarriages and we're concerned with getting timing right). I am fairly low drive. DH is less so but not high drive by any means; we were both virgins when we got engaged at the age of 27 and it wasn't a huge hardship for either of us. I respect and deeply love my husband, and I find him attractive. I believe he finds me attractive and I know he loves and respects me. But we don't necessarily always express that attraction physically, particularly with a toddler and concern about timing sex properly.

I don't really dream about a passion-filled life. I don't think I'd be happy. I've always been fairly cerebral and controlled and I don't have any desire to experience uncontrollable lust. There are a lot of men I find handsome and attractive but I've never really seen someone on the street or in bar and felt the urge to jump him. Just isn't my style.

I am very happy in my marriage, and I think DH is too. More spontaneous sex would be good. So would a second child. At the moment we're prioritizing the latter. I can see that we will have to work hard in the coming years to have enough sex to keep DH satisfied and I am ok with that. 3 or 4 times a month is satisfying for me but if DH needs more (and tells me so), he'll get it. Many people would probably define this as passionless but we're okay with it.


The key is that you are both on the same page. I'd say two people who were both virgins at 27 are low drive and passionless.


I guess so. We both planned to wait, if not for marriage, then for a serious relationship -- and we both had a dry spell of serious relationships in our early to mid 20s. I figured we both had a lot of self-control but maybe it's just lack of passion. I enjoy sex. I just don't think about it all the time, particularly after having a child. DH thinks about it a lot more, being a man, but it doesn't control him.

In any event, we are happy. And given the sexual problems some of my friends have gotten into -- one-night stands they later regretted, pregnancy scares, putting physical passion before life compatibility, etc -- I'm often glad not to be high drive. Works for me.
[Post New]04/15/2016 16:36
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think its possible for people to be happy in a low sex companionate marriage. I don't think you will be.

Sex is the glue of a marriage. Period. End of story. Anyone who tells you otherwise is someone who doesn't want to have sex with their partner and is indulging in wishful thinking that their spouse might be happy. It's untrue. They are headed for marital downfall. You are already understandably questioning your relationship. End it, while you are young and childless.


LOL. He Who Knows Everything Has Spoken!
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