happy in passionless marriage - anyone out there

[Anonymous]

My husband of 5 years (no kids) and I had real issues stemming partially from mental health issues that really drove us apart. We have put in a lot of work to tackle the problems, improve communication etc, and have a pleasant life and relationship. But I feel no passion for him, love and respect but no real desire. He's low drive so that won't drive him crazy - but I'm trying to decide whether this will keep me happy long term if it's as good as we'll get.

Has anyone been happy long term in a marriage like this? Or does it eventually build up and topple everything.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to get there OP. (To a place where i can be happy in a marriage that is essentially devoid of passion, but otherwise incredibly loving and supportive.)

[Anonymous]

No. You don't have children. It will not get better.

[Anonymous]

A passionless marriage is a slow death

[Anonymous]

I'm so lonely in this passionless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Are you low drive? I think it can work if both spouses are low drive. I'm in the same situation where I'm happy enough being married but have zero attraction to my spouse. The problem is I'm not low drive and I'm attracted to others. Cheating doesn't seem viable, and divorce seems selfish when we have kids and it would ultimately be simply for my personal happiness, which might not even happen if I don't meet someone else who I do have passion with.

Honestly, I've considered meds that would lower my libido. It seems kind of out there as a solution but I don't know what else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you low drive? I think it can work if both spouses are low drive. I'm in the same situation where I'm happy enough being married but have zero attraction to my spouse. The problem is I'm not low drive and I'm attracted to others. Cheating doesn't seem viable, and divorce seems selfish when we have kids and it would ultimately be simply for my personal happiness, which might not even happen if I don't meet someone else who I do have passion with.

Honestly, I've considered meds that would lower my libido. It seems kind of out there as a solution but I don't know what else to do.

while i haven't considered meds to lower my libido, everything else i could have written word for word. i am a DW if it matters.

[Anonymous]

Eh, it can work fine for low drive or asexual couples just fine. However, it sounds like just your husband is low drive. You just aren't attracted to him specifically. That's a recipe for an affair, IMO.

[Anonymous]

My wife is low drive, it's the elephant in the room. I am really, really, really trying to find a way to feel content and connected with her in between the 2-3x per month we have sex. Here's the problem. Nothing replaces sex. It's a void. I have cheated in the past, never caught. Trying like hell not to again because our marriage is otherwise great.

So I would love to hear from others too, what can work to bridge the void?

That being said - why the hell would you stay if you have no kids? Although my wife and I are perfect but for the passion, I would be gone in a moment if we didn't have kids together.

[Anonymous]

How many long term marriages have passion?

I'm guessing 3 percent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is low drive, it's the elephant in the room. I am really, really, really trying to find a way to feel content and connected with her in between the 2-3x per month we have sex. Here's the problem. Nothing replaces sex. It's a void. I have cheated in the past, never caught. Trying like hell not to again because our marriage is otherwise great.

So I would love to hear from others too, what can work to bridge the void?

That being said - why the hell would you stay if you have no kids? Although my wife and I are perfect but for the passion, I would be gone in a moment if we didn't have kids together.

Hi Sweetie, Just so you know I KNOW all about your cheating. I think your an ass but I pretend to put up with you for the kids sake. I know you will cheat again and that will be the final straw. Pick someone you really care about as you will find your crap on the street, bank accounts wiped out and divorce papers (well, those are already done).

[Anonymous]

I am in a great, happy, fulfilling marriage, but "passion" isn't ever a word I would use to describe my relationship (DW here. High drive). We have two kids and I respect and deeply love my husband as a great match for my soul.

Right now, our sex lives are built on love and respect. As another PP noted, nothing else can fill the void of sex. We have sex 1-2 times per week, it is satisfying and provides us connection. It is based in love and kindness, but not passion. However, if we didn't both make the effort because we know we need to, sex could easily fall off the radar.

Do I dream about having a passion filled romantic life? Sometimes. But mostly I've told myself that I have a really great, loving, supportive, and amazing relationship. And would I want to sacrifice any of that to have passion? For me the answer is "no. that is not worth it to me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is low drive, it's the elephant in the room. I am really, really, really trying to find a way to feel content and connected with her in between the 2-3x per month we have sex. Here's the problem. Nothing replaces sex. It's a void. I have cheated in the past, never caught. Trying like hell not to again because our marriage is otherwise great.

So I would love to hear from others too, what can work to bridge the void?

That being said - why the hell would you stay if you have no kids? Although my wife and I are perfect but for the passion, I would be gone in a moment if we didn't have kids together.

Hi Sweetie, Just so you know I KNOW all about your cheating. I think your an ass but I pretend to put up with you for the kids sake. I know you will cheat again and that will be the final straw. Pick someone you really care about as you will find your crap on the street, bank accounts wiped out and divorce papers (well, those are already done).

I am going to remain faithful, just to spite you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you low drive? I think it can work if both spouses are low drive. I'm in the same situation where I'm happy enough being married but have zero attraction to my spouse. The problem is I'm not low drive and I'm attracted to others. Cheating doesn't seem viable, and divorce seems selfish when we have kids and it would ultimately be simply for my personal happiness, which might not even happen if I don't meet someone else who I do have passion with.

Honestly, I've considered meds that would lower my libido. It seems kind of out there as a solution but I don't know what else to do.

while i haven't considered meds to lower my libido, everything else i could have written word for word. i am a DW if it matters.

Pp you quoted and I'm a woman too. I just googled it a little bit. Apparently there are antiandrogen drugs, illegal in the US that will lower a man's libido, but not sure what they'd do to a woman. Again, it seems nuts, but then again life without sex is painful, but seems to be the least painful alternative given the options. I suppose menopause will take care of it soon enough, sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is low drive, it's the elephant in the room. I am really, really, really trying to find a way to feel content and connected with her in between the 2-3x per month we have sex. Here's the problem. Nothing replaces sex. It's a void. I have cheated in the past, never caught. Trying like hell not to again because our marriage is otherwise great.

So I would love to hear from others too, what can work to bridge the void?

That being said - why the hell would you stay if you have no kids? Although my wife and I are perfect but for the passion, I would be gone in a moment if we didn't have kids together.

Hi Sweetie, Just so you know I KNOW all about your cheating. I think your an ass but I pretend to put up with you for the kids sake. I know you will cheat again and that will be the final straw. Pick someone you really care about as you will find your crap on the street, bank accounts wiped out and divorce papers (well, those are already done).

Um, or you could have sex with him? Just a thought.