Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's, a single mom, and I really enjoy my life. While I think it's great that many kids have involved fathers, I knew a lot of fathers during my childhood who were completely crappy, and I find it hard to regard them as a necessity.

If women in DC want to marry, they are up against a lot of demographic challenges. The ratio of men to women is lower than it is on the West Coast. A lot of men out here had non-working mothers, so they think that women exist to clean up after them and tell them how smart they are. The men in this area are going to disproportionately live in the burbs, near the tech and biotech firms, while women are disproportionately working for nonprofits and law firms in the city.

One good way to spend one's time is to do volunteer work, especially in an activity like youth sports or doing hands on building projects, like Habitat for Humanity, so that the male female ratio is higher. Even if your friend doesn't meet anyone doing this, the sense of satisfaction form helping others and completing a project will be quite satisfying.

Anonymous wrote:I assume your friend no longer excludes people because they don't like the Exact Same Bands, is only 5'11", needs to make $200k, is three years older, etc.

No, women don't deserve some guy who asks for nudes in line 4 of a conversation or who cant stoo going on about their demon ex from six years ago. But after 30, if you are serious about marriage, a serious examination of priorities and the such is needed.

Anonymous wrote:Offer to set your friend up with any available decent guy you know. Don't say they aren't each other's type. Introduce them and let them decide.

Tell her to settle. I don't mean for a deadbeat loser but to reevaluate her criteria and let some go. Things like he needs a certain degree, he needs a certain career path, family type, religion, etc.

- signed single woman in her 40s who would have wanted both of the above from friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume your friend no longer excludes people because they don't like the Exact Same Bands, is only 5'11", needs to make $200k, is three years older, etc.

No, women don't deserve some guy who asks for nudes in line 4 of a conversation or who cant stoo going on about their demon ex from six years ago. But after 30, if you are serious about marriage, a serious examination of priorities and the such is needed.

You speak truth here. I have a good friend who is attractive, intelligent and funny. She is 35 and wants to get married, have kids. She has been doing online dating for about 10 years off and on. She desperately wants to find someone great, and she deserves someone great, but she has expectations that are skewed away from reality.

She has very key, limiting specifics for every category (e.g., musts = Catholic, 5'11+, advanced degree, holds job in one of a few specific career fields, never engaged or married, no kids, wants 3+ kids, no more than three years older than her, etc.) and thus, her pool of potential men, within these parameters, is very, very small. She is a great girl, but she is rigid with her must have list, that it counts out probably 90% of people out there. She says she knows that what she wants is limiting, but she doesn't think she should have to compromise. I get it, but I think she will be online for a good deal longer if she doesn't change at least one or two criteria.

I think people who are this rigid just aren't ready for a relationship and the compromises it entails. It's one thing to say he must be catholic, as that goes to a lot of things - how kids will be raised, shared family values, etc. (for example, I probably couldn't marry a practicing catholic because I would want to argue with him all the time). But above 5'11"? Stupid criterion. That goes to nothing. Sometimes there's a reason people are single. Part of being mature is learning what is actually important and what isn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:does she have clubs she could join? running, biking, soccer? Can your dh"s introduce her to someone>

my friend is in the same position. When she says something in wanting of a future I don't say stuff like like you have time, try this try that. I usually just say you will have a family. Just believe that. You will meet somebody.
There was a seminar I saw online recently abt how to network when single and I sent it to my friend. Surprisingly she was very grateful. I think it is hard out there. Btw, my friend is hugely successful, very tall and very pretty. I don't get it. I think she may just be too confident.

Very tall is not a good thing in the dating world - take it from someone who is five eight. It means I am taller than many of the men in this town.

MaxwellSmart wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:does she have clubs she could join? running, biking, soccer? Can your dh"s introduce her to someone>

my friend is in the same position. When she says something in wanting of a future I don't say stuff like like you have time, try this try that. I usually just say you will have a family. Just believe that. You will meet somebody.
There was a seminar I saw online recently abt how to network when single and I sent it to my friend. Surprisingly she was very grateful. I think it is hard out there. Btw, my friend is hugely successful, very tall and very pretty. I don't get it. I think she may just be too confident.

Very tall is not a good thing in the dating world - take it from someone who is five eight. It means I am taller than many of the men in this town.

She could move to Haymarket, Va., as it seems every guy there is at least six feet tall!

Anonymous wrote:

MaxwellSmart wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:does she have clubs she could join? running, biking, soccer? Can your dh"s introduce her to someone>

my friend is in the same position. When she says something in wanting of a future I don't say stuff like like you have time, try this try that. I usually just say you will have a family. Just believe that. You will meet somebody.
There was a seminar I saw online recently abt how to network when single and I sent it to my friend. Surprisingly she was very grateful. I think it is hard out there. Btw, my friend is hugely successful, very tall and very pretty. I don't get it. I think she may just be too confident.

Very tall is not a good thing in the dating world - take it from someone who is five eight. It means I am taller than many of the men in this town.

She could move to Haymarket, Va., as it seems every guy there is at least six feet tall!

So what? I just couldn't base something so important on something so meaningless.

Anonymous wrote:
I think this message is too basic. I am pushing 30, have lived half way around the world by myself, dated a lot, have a great career and apartment, have no problems going to the movies or dinner, etc by myself, but for the love of God, if this is the rest of my life, I am going to be disappointed.

I am constantly being told this or hear this (not that I complain about being single often because I don't want the pity)...but this is a huge part of life that I won't get to experience if I don't find someone.

Anonymous wrote:
It's not my ideal to have my children conceived in a petri dish with a dude that was lrftover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not my ideal to have my children conceived in a petri dish with a dude that was lrftover.

???? Being single is no excuse to be a bitch to others who are trying to offer helpful advice. Let me give you another tip that might help you be a little more successful in the dating world: People are attracted to happy, positive people. Sounds like you might have some work to do before you're staring down the petri dish yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they hesitate to go online bc it's genuinely unpleasant. Sure there are some nice guys out there but you have to sift through a lot of sleazebags.

This is how women end up single in their early 30s, because they're turning down perfectly good suitors while hoping Prince Charming will appear to whisk them away.

obviously you have never dated online. neither did i, but i followed closely my best friend's adventures.

online dating is a whole different level of hell. luckily i am married, but if i were single i would not do online dating. it's demeaning, and soul crushing.