Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:Hello, DCUM. With all of the posts lately regarding people who are transgender, I've decided to open myself up to questions and discussions. Did you know that most Americans say that they do not know anybody who is transgender? I know that this thread won't be the same as really knowing me, but I figure it is hopefully at least a start.

Some basic information about me:

I was DMAB (designated male at birth), but have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for years. I use she/her pronouns. I have not have bottom surgery and am not sure if I ever will.

I'm in my 30's, divorced with kids, live in VA and work at a non-profit. I'm also the OP of the Wicca AMA, and yes, I'm aware that by admitting to that, people might be less likely to take me seriously.

I understand that a lot of people think transgender individuals are mentally ill, crazy, looking for attention, or thousands of other opinions. That's fine. People can think what they want, and I really do not mind. But please know that even if you think that I'm not a woman, that I'm insane, or that I'm a troll, I'm still a real person on the other side of your computer screen who has feelings that can be hurt. Please treat me with respect, and I'll do the same to you.

So, grab a cup of tea and talk with me.

I just want to say that I am one of those who suspects transgender people might be mentally ill, but this OP really touches my heart. What you are doing by starting this thread and being so vulnerable is amazing and huge and meaningful. Thank you for doing this.

NP, many of us are mentally ill. I take pills, go to therapy, and live in a way that minimizes the effects of my mental illness. I don't see this as any different (though I don't see all trans people as mentally ill)

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there would have been any way to continue living as a man and being accepting of yourself?

Is there any way you can describe what it feels like to feel like your gender and sex don't match up?

No. I might have been able to suppress my feelings enough to get by on a day to day basis, but I would have been very unhappy.

Every trans person has a different experience, so please understand that my views and history are mine alone.

I felt uncomfortable growing up. I'm a very sensory person, so I've described it as constantly feeling like there was a tag itching me on my clothing, or that uncomfortable toe seam on socks. I was never truly at ease. I didn't hate my penis, but hated that having it meant that I was automatically supposed to subscribe to traditional masculine thoughts and actions. I felt like I was pretending. I would study what boys and men did and then replicated the behaviors that I saw, but constantly felt like I was playing a character.

Transitioning has changed me from wearing an itchy wool shirt to the smoothest, softest silk shirt that feels wonderful when I wear it.

Not the PP. Thanks for educating all of us. I love this thread.

Do you now study women and try to replicate their behavior?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:Hello, DCUM. With all of the posts lately regarding people who are transgender, I've decided to open myself up to questions and discussions. Did you know that most Americans say that they do not know anybody who is transgender? I know that this thread won't be the same as really knowing me, but I figure it is hopefully at least a start.

Some basic information about me:

I was DMAB (designated male at birth), but have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for years. I use she/her pronouns. I have not have bottom surgery and am not sure if I ever will.

I'm in my 30's, divorced with kids, live in VA and work at a non-profit. I'm also the OP of the Wicca AMA, and yes, I'm aware that by admitting to that, people might be less likely to take me seriously.

I understand that a lot of people think transgender individuals are mentally ill, crazy, looking for attention, or thousands of other opinions. That's fine. People can think what they want, and I really do not mind. But please know that even if you think that I'm not a woman, that I'm insane, or that I'm a troll, I'm still a real person on the other side of your computer screen who has feelings that can be hurt. Please treat me with respect, and I'll do the same to you.

So, grab a cup of tea and talk with me.

I just want to say that I am one of those who suspects transgender people might be mentally ill, but this OP really touches my heart. What you are doing by starting this thread and being so vulnerable is amazing and huge and meaningful. Thank you for doing this.

NP, many of us are mentally ill. I take pills, go to therapy, and live in a way that minimizes the effects of my mental illness. I don't see this as any different (though I don't see all trans people as mentally ill)

Is your mental illness related to being transgender? Have you transitioned?

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you use the ladies room in public? Ever encounter an issue?

Yes, though I avoid bathrooms as much as I can. I generally wait until I can find a family, single stall bathroom to avoid the issue. I've had people scream when I walk in, go get security, or tell me I'm going to hell.

But on the flip side, I've been punched in the face when in the men's room early in my transition. I've had men threaten to rape me.

Reading this just filled me with so much compassion. Even when you feel as though you are finally living your life in a way that makes sense to you, you must constantly be reminded that you don't fit in anywhere. OF course I don't agree with that, but it just occurred to me that you probably get that message from at least one stranger every day of your life. I can't imagine how demoralizing that must be. I admire your courage and resilience. And thank you for this thread!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:Hello, DCUM. With all of the posts lately regarding people who are transgender, I've decided to open myself up to questions and discussions. Did you know that most Americans say that they do not know anybody who is transgender? I know that this thread won't be the same as really knowing me, but I figure it is hopefully at least a start.

Some basic information about me:

I was DMAB (designated male at birth), but have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for years. I use she/her pronouns. I have not have bottom surgery and am not sure if I ever will.

I'm in my 30's, divorced with kids, live in VA and work at a non-profit. I'm also the OP of the Wicca AMA, and yes, I'm aware that by admitting to that, people might be less likely to take me seriously.

I understand that a lot of people think transgender individuals are mentally ill, crazy, looking for attention, or thousands of other opinions. That's fine. People can think what they want, and I really do not mind. But please know that even if you think that I'm not a woman, that I'm insane, or that I'm a troll, I'm still a real person on the other side of your computer screen who has feelings that can be hurt. Please treat me with respect, and I'll do the same to you.

So, grab a cup of tea and talk with me.

I just want to say that I am one of those who suspects transgender people might be mentally ill, but this OP really touches my heart. What you are doing by starting this thread and being so vulnerable is amazing and huge and meaningful. Thank you for doing this.

NP, many of us are mentally ill. I take pills, go to therapy, and live in a way that minimizes the effects of my mental illness. I don't see this as any different (though I don't see all trans people as mentally ill)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some phrases or statements you've heard that express fundamental disagreement with your lifestyle, but are phrases that you do not consider mean-spirited, or bigoted?

I'm curious about this too. I do not agree with transgender in any way, shape or form. However, I believe strongly in tolerance. I have no fear or hostility about the issue and feel strongly appraised of both the scientific and intellectual opinion on the matter. To be respectful to the situation, what terminology expresses lack of agreement, but is unbigoted and not mean spirited. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Do you love yourself?

Did you love yourself before?

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think there would have been any way to continue living as a man and being accepting of yourself?

Is there any way you can describe what it feels like to feel like your gender and sex don't match up?

No. I might have been able to suppress my feelings enough to get by on a day to day basis, but I would have been very unhappy.

Every trans person has a different experience, so please understand that my views and history are mine alone.

I felt uncomfortable growing up. I'm a very sensory person, so I've described it as constantly feeling like there was a tag itching me on my clothing, or that uncomfortable toe seam on socks. I was never truly at ease. I didn't hate my penis, but hated that having it meant that I was automatically supposed to subscribe to traditional masculine thoughts and actions. I felt like I was pretending. I would study what boys and men did and then replicated the behaviors that I saw, but constantly felt like I was playing a character.

Transitioning has changed me from wearing an itchy wool shirt to the smoothest, softest silk shirt that feels wonderful when I wear it.

Not the PP. Thanks for educating all of us. I love this thread.

Do you now study women and try to replicate their behavior?

I study women now to some extent, though I've found that being feminine and doing "woman-y" things comes so much more naturally to me than doing "man-ly" things. A lot of behaviors I see women do, I've found that I instinctively do.

When my hair finally grew out enough, I practiced doing hair flips and felt like such an amazing goddess of a women the first time I did it. That was a great experience.

Despite watching women do it everyday, I cannot manage to walk in heels. It's embarrassing to watch me try. I'll stick to my beloved flats!

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some phrases or statements you've heard that express fundamental disagreement with your lifestyle, but are phrases that you do not consider mean-spirited, or bigoted?

I'm curious about this too. I do not agree with transgender in any way, shape or form. However, I believe strongly in tolerance. I have no fear or hostility about the issue and feel strongly appraised of both the scientific and intellectual opinion on the matter. To be respectful to the situation, what terminology expresses lack of agreement, but is unbigoted and not mean spirited. Thank you.

I understand what you are asking and appreciate that you want to learn how to speak in an unoffensive manner, but I do not feel comfortable teaching you polite transphobic statements. I'm sorry. I can help you research or can point you in the right direction if you would like more information on learning about being transgender, but for my own peace of mind that is the best I can do.

Anonymous wrote:I guess this is more of a comment than a question, and it's a stupid one at that.

When I notice someone who I think may be transgender, I tend to take a longer look at them than I would someone else. It's not general curiousity, but specifically curiousity about their gender. It bothers me that I do this - I don't want to seem like I'm staring, or make someone uncomfortable, or do anything that is unkind or cruel in any way. I think it is my mind's way of trying to categorize, in the same way I take a longer look at anything else when I can't place it in the "correct" mental box at first glance. Again, it bothers me that I do this, but taking a second look seems to happen automatically.

What, in your position, do you make of this? Do you notice people doing this with you at times? If so, is it uncomfortable for you? If so, how can someone like me do something that eases that discomfort? A smile? I REALLY don't mean to be offensive.