I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!

[Anonymous]

Gaia wrote:

Thank you. It can be tough, but to me, is incredibly worthwhile. I hope that by realizing how difficult I, and other transgender people like me, have it you will make it a point to be kind to us. Even a smile if we were to meet in a bathroom helps.

I am very supportive of trans* being whoever makes them feel the most authentic. And wish I could give you a hug because you have to work so hard to just feel like you.

1)So, if I do see someone who I suspect is trans* (like in the bathroom), should I ignore them and avoid eye contact (like I do the other women in there), smile (but only smiling at them because I'm trying to be supportive, but now letting them know that I tell they aren't 'passing') or say something to be very supportive like "you go girl" (Ugh, I could never say that LOL).

2) How have your thoughts and feelings changed on HRT? (I personally think that we are all one hormone or neurotransmitter away from being different people.) Has there been anything surprising? I read on story of a cisFemale Feminist who had to take testosterone for a medical reason suddenly wanted to Fuck or Fight all the time. Said she understood men in a way she never did before.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: I read on a gay message board that some people believe that Bruce Jenner is someone with a fetish that has gone too far. In other words, he loves breasts and vaginas and women (as you do) and he gets turned on by having his own breasts. The posters said that the fact that he would not identify himself as a lesbian but that he kept saying (in the Diane Sawyer interview) that he is a heterosexual who loves women and sex with women is a very confusing fact. If he was truly trans, he would identify as a lesbian and not exclaim that he is a heterosexual. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No offense and I understand what you're trying to do here but with all due respect you're not the one stuck raising the children with no help and no husband or father. Keyword being FATHER. My sons did not need another mother. They needed a Dad to throw a baseball, teach them to ride a bike, go camping. A healthy male role model to bear some positive influence and talk to about topics that are awkward to talk to their mother about. They needed the benefits of a traditional family. I didn't make a decision to be a single mom. That was a decision he made for me by lying about what he was. I'm just trying to do the best I can. However, in the end I'll be the one alone while he's exploring his new identity.

I'm sorry about what happened to you, PP, and I'm certainly not discounting the benefits of a healthy male role model -- but I want to point out that throwing baseballs, teaching children to ride bikes, and going camping are not gender-specific actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No offense and I understand what you're trying to do here but with all due respect you're not the one stuck raising the children with no help and no husband or father. Keyword being FATHER. My sons did not need another mother. They needed a Dad to throw a baseball, teach them to ride a bike, go camping. A healthy male role model to bear some positive influence and talk to about topics that are awkward to talk to their mother about. They needed the benefits of a traditional family. I didn't make a decision to be a single mom. That was a decision he made for me by lying about what he was. I'm just trying to do the best I can. However, in the end I'll be the one alone while he's exploring his new identity.

I'm sorry about what happened to you, PP, and I'm certainly not discounting the benefits of a healthy male role model -- but I want to point out that throwing baseballs, teaching children to ride bikes, and going camping are not gender-specific actions.

NP. I think you are being deliberately obtuse. She wanted a father for her children, plain and simple. Her children already had a mother.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for starting this thread, Gaia. I'm amazed by your courage. Hugs.

[Gaia]

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thread. Informative and helpful on some levels.

I just have one question and it comes from a very personal place with me.

Why did you get married and have children if you knew it wasn't who you were? I ask this because I'm in the same position as your ex wife. I am she only with 3 children to whom my ExH ripped to shreds when I accidentally walked in on him playing dress up. It wasn't fair to me that he took away the best years of my life living a lie.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It absolutely wasn't fair to you, or to my ex wife. Your life wasn't completely wasted, though, as now you have children. As much of a mistake my marriage was, I have my two beautiful children that are the best thing I've ever done.

My ex and I didn't mean to get pregnant. We were in college and thought we were infallible, so we were not always careful with birth control. Her parents pressured us to get married and I'd always been taught that's what men should do in those situations, so we wed. It was a mistake. We both knew it was a mistake and were heading towards divorce before I came out to her.

That's not an excuse, I know. I'm not sure what the outcome of our lives would have been had we not gotten married, but I very firmly avoid thinking about what if's.

No offense and I understand what you're trying to do here but with all due respect you're not the one stuck raising the children with no help and no husband or father. Keyword being FATHER. My sons did not need another mother. They needed a Dad to throw a baseball, teach them to ride a bike, go camping. A healthy male role model to bear some positive influence and talk to about topics that are awkward to talk to their mother about. They needed the benefits of a traditional family. I didn't make a decision to be a single mom. That was a decision he made for me by lying about what he was. I'm just trying to do the best I can. However, in the end I'll be the one alone while he's exploring his new identity.

I could care less what gender you live your life as. However, I don't support what you did to your family and nothing you say will change my position on that. Your wife did not make a choice to raise children with another woman and I'm sure she wasn't dreaming of trying to convince her children that an alternate lifestyle full of ridicule and violence was ok. Do you realize how cruel other kids can be? Do you even know what your kids are putting up with at school? You didn't have the right to make these decisions for them and to say you don't think about the 'what ifs' is bullshit. It's quite obvious in this situation you only thought about yourself.

Hi, PP. I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to reply to you. I read your other response mentioning how my comment hurt you so badly and I want to apologize for that. I wasn't trying to minimize the pain you're in and the hurt your ex has caused you. You're no longer able to lead the life you want after your ex decided to live the live that she wants. It's unfair to you, absolutely.

I am selfish. I want to be happy and I deserve to be happy. I wasn't happy before. My children could see that. I'm still very involved in their lives; I still run around and play with them. I teach my older child how to play both soccer and piano. We go to baseball games and to the ballet.

My kids didn't lose their father. They lost that title for me, absolutely. But I'm still here. I look slightly different now, but it's still me. I'm happy now, and that makes me a much better parent than I was.

I can't take away what happened to you. I can't make it better. I don't know if anything can, though I sincerely wish that you find it. You were betrayed and your world shattered. For that, I am truly, truly sorry.

[Gaia]

Anonymous wrote:Finally, some sane voices on this thread. I posted a somewhat critical assessment of OP and it was deleted. Not sure why as this thread should be for the cheerleaders and the critics.

But anyway, OP your thing seems to be more about clothes than a real identity crisis. Maybe you were just a crossdresser?

My "thing" is not just about clothes; that's just what people have asked about.

Wearing feminine clothing before I made the choice to transition felt completely wrong. I absolutely did not want to wear women's clothing as a man. Doing so felt like wearing even more of a costume than the male role I had been playing all of my life. I wanted to be able to express myself as a woman and be perceived as a woman. To do that, I have to dress the part.

[Gaia]

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you date and be intimate with another trans-woman who still had a penis?

Possibly. I have very little interest in sex now and haven't the slightest clue how to pleasure somebody else with a penis, so I'd be hesitant. (More of an inexperienced, nervousness rather than one stemmed from repulsion.)

[Anonymous]

What are you thoughts on Ladyboys and Tranny porn?

[Gaia]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think you've addressed this yet: now that you are able to fully present yourself as female, can you speak to the differences in how you are treated by others? Do people talk to you differently than when they perceived you as a man? Treat you differently? (Not people who have known you all along-- your colleagues, random people at stores, etc.)

I am interrupted so much more as a woman. I'm not taken as seriously. Before, my thoughts and opinions weren't questioned and now, I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny. This is especially true when it comes to politics or STEM related topics. I can show emotion now when before, I always had to remain stoic or risk being told to "man up".

I make less money than I used to. I changed jobs and moved to a new city after I transitioned, so I don't know if it was a CoL adjustment, my new company having less funds to work with or what, but my wallet is definitely lighter now.

[Gaia]

Anonymous wrote:My very dear friend was DMAB and transitioned 10 years ago. She is so beautiful and strong, and I'm proud of her everyday.

I'm sure, based on your tone from your posts, you make many people in your life proud as well. We are who we are.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you so much, PP. I hope so it. I know that I'm a disappointment to many and that is a difficult thing to accept.

[Anonymous]

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My very dear friend was DMAB and transitioned 10 years ago. She is so beautiful and strong, and I'm proud of her everyday.

I'm sure, based on your tone from your posts, you make many people in your life proud as well. We are who we are.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you so much, PP. I hope so it. I know that I'm a disappointment to many and that is a difficult thing to accept.

The PP here, for us - she is the same person she always has been. She has always been her, we just didn't see her as well because we saw the man outside hiding her. Once she transitioned, we saw her more clearly. It took some people more time to accept it.

Anyone who is disappointed, never saw the real the you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this thread OP. I think it's great that you did this when transgender issues are so much in the news because of Caitlyn Jenner, and I'm happy to see that with a few sidetracks, DCUM has let this thread happen.

My question is this: Do you know many other transgender women or men? If so, do you ever question whether any of them are truly transgender? That is, that they truly identify as their non-assigned-at-birth sex and aren't attention seekers or just mentally damaged and confused?

I have never encountered such a person, but my sample size is small. But when I went to the goth clubs because I liked the style and the music, I was surprised to find that I met a lot of people who mostly there because it was an accepting community and they were really messed up and needed a lot of accepting.

[Anonymous]

What was high school like for you? Did you know for sure that you were transgender then? Or did that realization come later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you thoughts on Ladyboys and Tranny porn?

I've really never given it much thought. I support people watching whatever kind of legal porn excites them, though I personally have no vested interest in it. I dislike people with fetishes of transwomen.