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Mixed children...
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Anonymous
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I am a parent of racially mixed children. One of my children looks like one race. The other looks like the other. Parents of mixed children, what advice can you give me? People always come up to me and say, "oh one looks like their dad and the other looks like you." Their dad is not even present. When I ask what they mean, they say, "One looks white and the other has your skin." It's so strange to me. When I was a kid, no one commented on my skin color. But all of a sudden, just because Dad is white, it's open to discussion.... Skin color wasn't even discussed in my circles. What will this mean for my kids? Also, will they feel like they belong? Will either race be accepting? What can I do to help in this situation? I wish I could read minds. Are people thinking positive thoughts. Sometimes, I don't think they are and it saddens me....
Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Do you really feel that people are "not accepting" your children or is it that they are probably fascinated that two people of different races can produce such genetically different offspring? OP, I am not sure where "your circles" are/where, but it seems like is not where you are now. People are probably interested in the fact these kids are on different spectrums of the gene pool. Science really is amazing. Don't take offense, be proud. And don't worry what the kids will have to deal with, if that were a worry it should have been thought of beforehand. |
Anonymous
| This can be very polarizing for kids...even when race is not an issue. I imagine even more so when you add race to the mixture. My brother has light blonde hair and blue eyes and I have dark brown hair and green eyes...he looked like our mother and I looked like our father. It was quite often an issue with "little old ladies" in public and I always felt it was to my detriment not to be fair like him. I recommend not discussing your children's looks with strangers, or even with friends for that matter. Why should their looks be up for debate...they are gorgeous, right, end of story? |
Anonymous
| i wish that were the case. OP, certain cultures frown upon mixed marriages. Is it jealously? Is it an inferiority complex? Is it facination? It's probably all of the above. |
Anonymous
| 18:53 again...Also, strangers would make comments (jokes?) like..."Did the gypsies replace one of them?" which were confusing and scary to us...I say it is up to a mom to put a stop to this sort of thing... |
Anonymous
| I'm of mixed race. I have a younger brother. My mother is white. I remember as a child having strangers ask my mother if we were adopted. Right in front of us! Actually they usually said, "What beautiful children! Are they adopted?" So, it's not like they didn't mean well. My mother always laughed it off and said no. Which always led to a conversation about what race our father was. I think people were just interested but clueless of how ignorant they came off. |
Anonymous
Are you Black/AA/Asian, not judging, just trying to understand visually why you're asking this question. |
Anonymous
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I'm mixed and so is my husband. We are different mixes so our kids are SUPER multi. So we have heard it all--the good, the bad, and the just plain baffling. I've concluded that most people don't mean any harm--they are just interested. I've traveled a lot and this is universal by the way. No matter where I go people comment. It used to bother me but it really doesn't anymore because really, life is too short to let well-intentioned but clueless people get up your nose.
I have a standard response, which is to kind of chuckle and fling my hands up and say, "yeah, well that's genetics for you." For 95% of people that is a total conversation ender because really, what can you say to that. Those who persist in the conversation usually do so because they want to tell you their OWN story (ie "my son's wife is asian and I have the most beautiful little brown grandchildren" or whatever) in which case you can turn the conversation to them and not have to talk about yourself anymore, which is what they want anyway. |
Anonymous
| Families like yours are simply more visually interesting than the average family. I would probably be guilty of taking a second look and then thinking to myself how nuts it is that race is such a big deal in this country when it really is nothing more than a genetic toss of the dice. I hope I would never say anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or me look like an ass. When people make comments, even intrusive comments, it's often an attempt to reach out and connect. From the way you've described yourself, I'm pretty sure that if I saw you, I would be thinking positive thoughts. |
Anonymous
Why is it okay for you to mention that your DH is white but not tell us your race? Sounds like you are hung up on race as well. |
Anonymous
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Is mixed children that much of a big deal? Especially in DC area?
There are lots of children of white/asian ancestry in Fairfax County. The parents and children seem pretty comfortable in public. The children are very interesting to look at, and I'm sure people look at them. It's only normal. I think mixed race is an issue, only when you make it one. |
scalrose
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I wouldn't take offense. There's so many things to take offense of when it comes to race and skin color that you should really pick your battles. Don't YOU find it interesting that one of your child has your skin color and your other your husbands. Isn't it amazing how genetics works?
I'm the mom of mixed kids my self; I'm black and DH is white and both kiddos are caramel and people are genuinely curious about what genetics produces. When I get questions about my kids, which is increasingly rare for some reasons, I just find a way to say "yes, aren't mixed kids simply beautiful!", that usually ends it pretty quickly, with a positive spin. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think people are probably just interested in your family and wanting to connect, as a pp said. People just have a lack of social skills and probably don't realize they are being offensive to you. In fact, in our playgroup everyone talks about how the baby looks like dad or mom in one way or another. Adding in a racial mixture is just another one of those things, like "she has my eyes but my hubby's lips" in that context.
Seeing as our wonderful new president is of mixed race, I think this is a great time to be your kids! Never before has there been more understanding and openness for interracial relationships and children in this country. Obama is such an amazing role model for all kids and I'm excited that this youngest generation will grow up with him as president. I think your children will be embraced by many communities and will probably have lots of other friends with similar stories, too, especially in this region. I would try to take a positive attitude about it, for your own sanity. If you are constantly wondering what others are thinking, for one thing it will drive you insane and for another, who cares! If they are bigots you don't want to read their ignorant minds anyway. If you assume the best of people, most of the time I think they live up to it. Otherwise, it will hurt you more than anyone else to assume the negative. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I noticed the Tiger Woods response, too. I get the vibe that she's black with a creamy-hued complexion and her other child (I'm guessing a daughter) is darker and with the "wrong" hair and she feels uncomfortable when people make comments. Without further clarification, my advice: get some therapy now for your resentment. |
Anonymous
Wow, jump to wrong conclusions much? |