Mixed children...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind mixed. I am half german and half indian and I love that i'm mixed.

what a great attitude! I also point out to my kids the great attributes that they get from their dad and from me. I don't distinguish the attributes that they get from our races. beautiful hair from dad, nice smile from mom, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who hates it when bi-racial children are refered to as "mixed"? Come on these are people, not two different breeds of animals that have mated.

I don't like the term "mixed" either. At some point, it's going to be transliterated as "mixed-up" and I don't like that connotation either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mixed-race kid here (black/white) who grew up in the area. I think it's great that we (the adults) all generally agree to take the attitude to not be bothered by what other people are thinking, and to try to assume that people are coming from a place of sincere interest as opposed to maliciousness, but let's pause for a moment and consider how it affects the kids. No matter what your race - to have some stranger ask your mother whether or not you are adopted within your earshot is not a good feeling. It is rude - pure and simple. In my opinion, it is also rude to ask someone what their ethnicity is before you even know their name. And it does impact the child. I still can remember feeling hurt by society's general inability to recognize that me and my mother are related when we're out in public. I would be standing right next to my mother, practically holding her hand, and salespeople would ask me if I was lost or if I needed some help. People would tell my mother that she had such pretty daughters, and then ask if we were adopted. Once I got old enough to understand that it was race that was motivating this reaction, I always appreciated that my mother gave a less-than-diplomatic response. She didn't let people off the hook for asking rude questions, and I loved her for it. So OP, I guess my advice to you would be yes, assume the best of people (i.e., that they're not asking with malicious motivations), but at the same time, that doesn't mean you have to launch into some explanation of your family tree every time a stranger gets curious and is not polite enough to hold themselves back.

Well, perhaps it was your mother's less than diplomatic response that taught you to be so sensitive to it. Just think if she took a different attitude and showed joy and pride over you no matter what the discussion, you may not feel this way. When people make comments, I usually reinforce it and say to my DC, "see how nice that woman was? That was such a nice compliment" or something like it.

I think you were trained to be overly sensitive to it (perhaps because of the times). Now mixed races in this area are so common, I know my kids do not think twice about it. so many of their friends have black/white, asian/white, lebanese/white, iranian/white, asian/black, etc. parents, that they feel this is the norm. I think the key is that they feel the mixed aspect is the norm.

People make strange comments in life, whether it is about race, height, weight, religion, etc. it is important to teach our kids what is the right way to react to each of these. I choose not to make my kids feel like they should have a chip on their shoulder at all times and too feel good about themselves.

i agree with you that making a big deal isn't always warrented. but we live in some ROUGH times. Did you see the NYT cartoon of Obama? It really scares me. Everytime i think things are ok, something reminds me that racism exists. the problem is that if you are of one ethnicity, you can seek support from that ethnicity. however, if you are of two, three - where do you go for support. yes there are some mixed kids out there, but i'm sorry, they are not the norm. still today, i need to pick a race for Dr. forms, college applicaitions etc. i have to decide whether my child is "white" or "other". by the way, my child is half white and half japanese...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind mixed. I am half german and half indian and I love that i'm mixed.

what a great attitude! I also point out to my kids the great attributes that they get from their dad and from me. I don't distinguish the attributes that they get from our races. beautiful hair from dad, nice smile from mom, etc.

yeah, i love it! i mean, i look indian but different. and i love that! i love the indian in me (cause my dad is terrific and he makes me proud) and the german in me (my mom is a great person!). because of the "exotic" look, i'm a model. hey, it's easy money and it pays for my college tuition.

all good stuff. yes it's diffiuclt, at times i do not feel accepted fully. but isn't that true of all kids these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mixed-race kid here (black/white) who grew up in the area. I think it's great that we (the adults) all generally agree to take the attitude to not be bothered by what other people are thinking, and to try to assume that people are coming from a place of sincere interest as opposed to maliciousness, but let's pause for a moment and consider how it affects the kids. No matter what your race - to have some stranger ask your mother whether or not you are adopted within your earshot is not a good feeling. It is rude - pure and simple. In my opinion, it is also rude to ask someone what their ethnicity is before you even know their name. And it does impact the child. I still can remember feeling hurt by society's general inability to recognize that me and my mother are related when we're out in public. I would be standing right next to my mother, practically holding her hand, and salespeople would ask me if I was lost or if I needed some help. People would tell my mother that she had such pretty daughters, and then ask if we were adopted. Once I got old enough to understand that it was race that was motivating this reaction, I always appreciated that my mother gave a less-than-diplomatic response. She didn't let people off the hook for asking rude questions, and I loved her for it. So OP, I guess my advice to you would be yes, assume the best of people (i.e., that they're not asking with malicious motivations), but at the same time, that doesn't mean you have to launch into some explanation of your family tree every time a stranger gets curious and is not polite enough to hold themselves back.

Well, perhaps it was your mother's less than diplomatic response that taught you to be so sensitive to it. Just think if she took a different attitude and showed joy and pride over you no matter what the discussion, you may not feel this way. When people make comments, I usually reinforce it and say to my DC, "see how nice that woman was? That was such a nice compliment" or something like it.

I think you were trained to be overly sensitive to it (perhaps because of the times). Now mixed races in this area are so common, I know my kids do not think twice about it. so many of their friends have black/white, asian/white, lebanese/white, iranian/white, asian/black, etc. parents, that they feel this is the norm. I think the key is that they feel the mixed aspect is the norm.

People make strange comments in life, whether it is about race, height, weight, religion, etc. it is important to teach our kids what is the right way to react to each of these. I choose not to make my kids feel like they should have a chip on their shoulder at all times and too feel good about themselves.

When people ask your child if he/she is adopted, you tell your child the person was being nice? I don't care what the child's race is, I don't think the right reaction to that question is that it's nice - even if it is then followed by a compliment. I don't have a chip on my shoulder about inquiries into my race - it happens, I do think it's rude, but whatever, I move on. That's what my parents taught me. But what does put a chip on my shoulder is your insinuation that my mother did not show joy and pride over me because she refused to answer all questions about my race ... nothing could be further than the truth.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know how old your children are, but if you are looking for some resources for younger kids, I would highly recommend the book "Is There Really a Human Race?" by Jamie Lee Curtis. I think it does a beautiful job of highlighting the strenghts of diversity and race, and I look forward to use it as a teaching tool when my infant is a little older. I'm white, with brown hair and brown eyes, and my husband is hispanic, and our son looks just like dad except with red hair, freckles, and very pale skin. We get looks and questions all the time, but I think it's all well inteneded and out of curiosity. We plan to raise our son so that he knows how special his multiracial, multicultural background is, and that his uniqueness means he gets to "be a part of" more cultures, languages, and customs than most people.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up, a "mixed marriage" was marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant..........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mixed-race kid here (black/white) who grew up in the area. I think it's great that we (the adults) all generally agree to take the attitude to not be bothered by what other people are thinking, and to try to assume that people are coming from a place of sincere interest as opposed to maliciousness, but let's pause for a moment and consider how it affects the kids. No matter what your race - to have some stranger ask your mother whether or not you are adopted within your earshot is not a good feeling. It is rude - pure and simple. In my opinion, it is also rude to ask someone what their ethnicity is before you even know their name. And it does impact the child. I still can remember feeling hurt by society's general inability to recognize that me and my mother are related when we're out in public. I would be standing right next to my mother, practically holding her hand, and salespeople would ask me if I was lost or if I needed some help. People would tell my mother that she had such pretty daughters, and then ask if we were adopted. Once I got old enough to understand that it was race that was motivating this reaction, I always appreciated that my mother gave a less-than-diplomatic response. She didn't let people off the hook for asking rude questions, and I loved her for it. So OP, I guess my advice to you would be yes, assume the best of people (i.e., that they're not asking with malicious motivations), but at the same time, that doesn't mean you have to launch into some explanation of your family tree every time a stranger gets curious and is not polite enough to hold themselves back.

Well, perhaps it was your mother's less than diplomatic response that taught you to be so sensitive to it. Just think if she took a different attitude and showed joy and pride over you no matter what the discussion, you may not feel this way. When people make comments, I usually reinforce it and say to my DC, "see how nice that woman was? That was such a nice compliment" or something like it.

I think you were trained to be overly sensitive to it (perhaps because of the times). Now mixed races in this area are so common, I know my kids do not think twice about it. so many of their friends have black/white, asian/white, lebanese/white, iranian/white, asian/black, etc. parents, that they feel this is the norm. I think the key is that they feel the mixed aspect is the norm.

People make strange comments in life, whether it is about race, height, weight, religion, etc. it is important to teach our kids what is the right way to react to each of these. I choose not to make my kids feel like they should have a chip on their shoulder at all times and too feel good about themselves.

When people ask your child if he/she is adopted, you tell your child the person was being nice? I don't care what the child's race is, I don't think the right reaction to that question is that it's nice - even if it is then followed by a compliment. I don't have a chip on my shoulder about inquiries into my race - it happens, I do think it's rude, but whatever, I move on. That's what my parents taught me. But what does put a chip on my shoulder is your insinuation that my mother did not show joy and pride over me because she refused to answer all questions about my race ... nothing could be further than the truth.

Then, WHY are you so riled up about this???? You make it sound as if there is something wrong about being adopted! Yes, if someone asked me about whether my child was adopted, I would take the opportunity show my child the pride I have in adopting him/her. Response, "Yes, she is adopted. We are so lucky that she is our girl!" or just a simple "Yes, she is!" with a smile. To react with anger or something negative would send a message to the child that there is something to hide or not be proud of! Is the goal that we pretend the child is not adopted????? Whether or not, you believe the question is rude is one thing, but if the question is asked, the right thing to do for the child is to embrace the opportunity to show the love and joy of the parent over the child.

[Anonymous]

........Except the pp is bi-racial and not adopted.

[Anonymous]

One word. Maybe two? Hybrid-vigor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, a "mixed marriage" was marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant..........

Heh heh, you must be older than me, and I thought I was one of the oldest here...but even I saw mixed marriages in the 70s.