What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

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[Post New]08/06/2013 20:54
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Sabrina55 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.


I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.


So it is better for them to stay in the house and see their mom treated like crap? Ok then. You need therapy to work on your issues.


No need to be nasty. wanting to keep the house is totally justified.
[Post New]08/06/2013 20:54
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Sabrina55
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Sabrina55 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.


I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.


So it is better for them to stay in the house and see their mom treated like crap? Ok then. You need therapy to work on your issues.


They did not see their mom treated like crap, I was not sure of how people handle finances with future step children and one owns the house and the other lives there. Again, that is why I was asking how other people usually handle the finances of blending a family. I have stayed in this house for two years before we were together, that has nothing to do with the amount he should be chipping in. Recently there have been alot more expenses that are out of my control then there was years ago. Which is also why I was wondering what is fair a % from each income, split things 3/4 and 1/4. I did not know that when I was struggling more and things were going downhill fast that he would not step up. I was hoping to get guys opinions also to see how they feel about finances with someone with kids, when they don't have any.
[Post New]08/06/2013 20:59
quote
Anonymous
Sabrina55 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Sabrina55 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.


I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.


So it is better for them to stay in the house and see their mom treated like crap? Ok then. You need therapy to work on your issues.


They did not see their mom treated like crap, I was not sure of how people handle finances with future step children and one owns the house and the other lives there. Again, that is why I was asking how other people usually handle the finances of blending a family. I have stayed in this house for two years before we were together, that has nothing to do with the amount he should be chipping in. Recently there have been alot more expenses that are out of my control then there was years ago. Which is also why I was wondering what is fair a % from each income, split things 3/4 and 1/4. I did not know that when I was struggling more and things were going downhill fast that he would not step up. I was hoping to get guys opinions also to see how they feel about finances with someone with kids, when they don't have any.


You sound like a good mom and a good person. You did the right thing.
[Post New]08/06/2013 21:09
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Anonymous
Don't be so hard on the OP, when you are in the middle of the relationship, it's hard to be objective. No relationship is perfect. OP is going through a natural process of figuring out this guy is not who she thought/wanted.

OP, at the very least, he was getting benefit from living at your house and at the same time putting wear and tear on it. He should have been contributing toward the mortgage/repairs. He's too tight with a dollar to be in a loving, respectful relationship. At the very least, it sounds like he loves money above all else.

I'm the PP with 3 step kids. I love them, although I don't love them as my own. I care about them as human beings, and understand my husband loves them deeply. I want and do contribute financially to their well being and their fun. My husband makes more than me, but part of my income goes to them as well. Not as much as his, but I do contribute. They are kids (although late teens). They deserve to have supporting, caring adults in their lives. Not mooches. Things don't have to be 50/50, but they should be built on a foundation of love, respect, and common life goals.
[Post New]08/06/2013 21:15
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Anonymous
You've barely mentioned your kids. I'm still having a hard time believing this all went down in the course of one day. You joined yesterday, posted, keep editing your original post...didn't answer anyone's questions about your kids, their ages or feelings? Where is the blended family? That's when two adults make a conscious decision to join their lives together and their children (or one spouse's children). All you've talked about is how you love him and wanted to be loved by him, and the finances. This is all very strange to me. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just telling it like I see it with this one.
[Post New]08/06/2013 21:38
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Sabrina55
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:You've barely mentioned your kids. I'm still having a hard time believing this all went down in the course of one day. You joined yesterday, posted, keep editing your original post...didn't answer anyone's questions about your kids, their ages or feelings? Where is the blended family? That's when two adults make a conscious decision to join their lives together and their children (or one spouse's children). All you've talked about is how you love him and wanted to be loved by him, and the finances. This is all very strange to me. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just telling it like I see it with this one.


I joined yesterday, cause like I said I have never posted on a site before. I edited my original post to add things like the help he did around the house to make it as unbias as possible to get a fair response. My kids are 13 and almost 15 and I did say one is three years away from college and the other received a state award. This post was to get insight on how to fairly split bills, finances. Also, has not been in the course of a day, maybe you missed a few pages.
[Post New]08/06/2013 21:41
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Anonymous
OP, stop thinking about how to split the bills fairly. This guy has been treating you like crap. You really won't have this problem with other guys who are worth your time. Just stay strong and DON'T let him back. You deserve way better
[Post New]08/06/2013 21:51
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You've barely mentioned your kids. I'm still having a hard time believing this all went down in the course of one day. You joined yesterday, posted, keep editing your original post...didn't answer anyone's questions about your kids, their ages or feelings? Where is the blended family? That's when two adults make a conscious decision to join their lives together and their children (or one spouse's children). All you've talked about is how you love him and wanted to be loved by him, and the finances. This is all very strange to me. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, just telling it like I see it with this one.


This is a relationship discussion. Parents are allowed to discuss their love life without bringing kids up in every paragraph.
[Post New]08/06/2013 22:06
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Anonymous
OP, I cheered out loud when you said he left.

You can find a roommate to live in your house and pay some rent to make your financial burdens easier. I'd go with a single older woman if I were you.
[Post New]08/06/2013 22:42
quote
Sabrina55
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:OP, I cheered out loud when you said he left.

You can find a roommate to live in your house and pay some rent to make your financial burdens easier. I'd go with a single older woman if I were you.


Thanks, I really think I will look into that. I do have a spare bedroom and it is a decent size house. I've had roomates in the past and it worked out pretty good.
[Post New]08/07/2013 01:08
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Anonymous
Good luck OP! I'm glad you stood up for yourself. You sound like a kind person and deserve better. You can also find an exchange student through homestay or homefind to stay at your place and pay rent. I know someone who did that and the students were always good kids. Maybe it's not for you but it's an idea.
[Post New]08/07/2013 01:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:He feels that since they are not his kids and this is my house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills.

Do not marry this man. Make him move out and do not look back.

Do you really need DCUM to tell you this?


Haven't gotten past this in the thread but THIS.
[Post New]08/07/2013 09:15
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Anonymous
I feel oddly excited about this whole outcome. If DCUM in any way contributed to the demise of this relationship and his leaving the house for good, mission accomplished! OP, good luck. You are so much better off!
[Post New]08/07/2013 09:31
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Anonymous
Sabrina55 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. I know it hurt to see him react that way but it shows you how little he cared, right?


I guess, he says he loves me but is not around to support someone else's kids. I find that hysterical since he was not even covering his usage here.

Who the crazy who was talking about supporting your kids?! Ignore the idiot, probably a guy.He didn't even pay his part, and that went on for years!
The guy is unfair cheap mutterfuker!
[Post New]08/07/2013 10:02
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Anonymous
^^ Please at least have a third grade education if you want to come on here and post.
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