s/o: How offensive would it be to get liquored up before sex duty?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:05
Anonymous
I have thought and thought about this problem for years. I don't enjoy having sex with my spouse of 16 years. The only solutions I can come up with are:

1. get a divorce.

2. have sex with him anyway.

(no need to suggest creams, therapists, exercise, porn, fantasies, more communication about "what I would like." Please. Enjoyment is out. of. the. question.)

I don't drink much now, but I used to and when I did, I seem to recall that drunken sex was really easy to pull off. Piece of cake.

So the question is, is there any woman reading this who will admit to intentionally imbibing with the goal of getting a wee bit intoxicated before doing wifely duties, because she views it as a duty? How did your spouse feel about that?

I KNOW you're out there and that I'm not alone. I can track my neighbors' sex life by the scent of their pot smoke wafting into my living room. Toke, fuck. Brush teeth.

[Post New]09/21/2011 11:11
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
I can say that as a guy, while I have always enjoyed sex when she was a little inebriated (not sloppy drunk), because a bit more of the wonton woman comes out. However, I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:14
Anonymous
My 75 year old mother swears by your method. After I scrubbed that visual from my brain, I learned to enjoy it as well. Cheaper and funner than a divorce, for sure.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:16
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Sounds like the modern version of "Close your eyes and think of England."
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:18
Anonymous
I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


OP here. This is one thing I'm worried about. He would definitely know something is up, since I don't drink much now and certainly not while I'm sitting around after DCs go to sleep. It'd be pretty obvious what's up.

So would you still accept the sex, though? Do you think other men would? Or would it be so hurtful that you'd pick the laptop over the sex option.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:21
Anonymous
I do. It's not that I don't enjoy it per se. It's that I'm exhausted all the time with working out of the home and a VERY clingy toddler right now who doesn't give me a minute's peace while my husband can sit idly on the couch surfing the net without a care in the world. So yeah, if he wants sex, he's going to have to wait until a few glasses of wine are in me. Those are the cold, hard facts. I hope it changes with her getting older but right now, that's the way it is.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:21
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


OP here. This is one thing I'm worried about. He would definitely know something is up, since I don't drink much now and certainly not while I'm sitting around after DCs go to sleep. It'd be pretty obvious what's up.

So would you still accept the sex, though? Do you think other men would? Or would it be so hurtful that you'd pick the laptop over the sex option.


I think DH would be flattered (relieved, maybe) that I made an effort to enjoy the evening. It's all in the delivery.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:22
Anonymous
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:I can say that as a guy, while I have always enjoyed sex when she was a little inebriated (not sloppy drunk), because a bit more of the wonton woman comes out. However, I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


You have a thing for the dumpling lady? Is that a new food truck I don't know about?
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:28
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:I can say that as a guy, while I have always enjoyed sex when she was a little inebriated (not sloppy drunk), because a bit more of the wonton woman comes out. However, I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


You have a thing for the dumpling lady? Is that a new food truck I don't know about?


Wontons are so carb-y. I'm more of a sushi girl myself after I've had a few.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:28
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


OP here. This is one thing I'm worried about. He would definitely know something is up, since I don't drink much now and certainly not while I'm sitting around after DCs go to sleep. It'd be pretty obvious what's up.

So would you still accept the sex, though? Do you think other men would? Or would it be so hurtful that you'd pick the laptop over the sex option.


Accept the sex? The first time or two before I caught on to what was going on. After that, I really can't say. Probably yes for the physical satisfaction, especially if I wasn't getting any otherwise, but I would still be hurt and even a bit resentful.
[Post New]09/21/2011 11:32
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:I can say that as a guy, while I have always enjoyed sex when she was a little inebriated (not sloppy drunk), because a bit more of the wonton woman comes out. However, I would be rather hurt and offended if I realized that she HAD to be tipsy to go to bed with me.


You have a thing for the dumpling lady? Is that a new food truck I don't know about?


Wontons are so carb-y. I'm more of a sushi girl myself after I've had a few.

wanton even

So then you like the fishy smell? How about the chicken taste? (sorry, just joking)
[Post New]09/21/2011 12:21
Anonymous
No more offensive than referring to it as "sex duty" I'd imagine.
[Post New]09/21/2011 12:32
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I do. It's not that I don't enjoy it per se. It's that I'm exhausted all the time with working out of the home and a VERY clingy toddler right now who doesn't give me a minute's peace while my husband can sit idly on the couch surfing the net without a care in the world. So yeah, if he wants sex, he's going to have to wait until a few glasses of wine are in me. Those are the cold, hard facts. I hope it changes with her getting older but right now, that's the way it is.


I'm always curious when I read this kind of thing: Why on Earth does one parent put up with always being the one to put their child to bed? Or to let their kid cling to them like grim death while hubbie surfs the net? Are there still parents in 21st century America who don't take turns putting their kids to bed? Really?
[Post New]09/21/2011 12:33
Anonymous
OP why don't you just introduce it as a way for the two of you to kick back, relax and have a little fun. Don't do it for the sex per se. I think that would be offensive but my dh would be rather psyched if I showed up with a bottle of wine and said let's just have a good time tonight. Sex would almost certainly happen after that. And you might even find yourself wanting it.
[Post New]09/21/2011 12:35
Anonymous
I must be the only woman on earth for whom liquor is not quicker - its just makes me tired and numb.

Anyway to answer your question, I think that your DH's reaction will depend on his personality/needs. If he just wants to fuck then he wont care. If he wants love and affection (caressing, foreplay etc.) then I think he would be offended. If he is anything like my husband he will not only be offended he will shut down and stop trying - which may very well work in your favor unless and until he starts looking elsewhere.

Good luck,
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