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Elementary School-Aged Kids
I am a Selfish Horrible Person
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Anonymous
| I could be the most selfish person that I know. I a married, and the mother or two young children (diapers). I am also the mother to a teenage realitive who has lived with us the past four years. The sight of this person makes me anxious and irritable. It's a very similar reaction to a college roomate you despised or being inflamed by the sight of your ex. I want this person out of my house and my life. When I pictured being a newlywed and new Mom, I never thought that I would have a surly teenager around. |
Anonymous
Can you hide a calendar somewhere and check off the days until the surly teenager is in college? Good luck. I hope that your good deed in taking in the teen results in good karma elsewhere in your life. 
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Anonymous
| you need some help. |
cuzimawesome
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| Are you the step-mother? An aunt? Whatever the case, perhaps you should seek family counseling... because in all likelihood the teenager probably feels the same way about you. |
Anonymous
And so does the teenager. |
Anonymous
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Remember what it was like to be a surly teenager. Probably no fun staying with a relative, who didn't seem to want you around, and her two young children.
Perhaps there are some activities in DC that could engage your relative? Maybe this young person doesn't have many friends outside of his/her home neighborhood. Joining a kickball league, art classes, music classes, whatever his/her interest. |
Anonymous
| Is it just that the presence of someone else doesn't jive with the cozy nest for you and your babies that you dreamed of or is the teenager troubled? Maybe that is a stupid question - whatever circumstances led this child who is not your child to be living with you must have been troubling, so perhaps it is definitionally true. But could the surly teenager be going through some trouble all his/her own? Or perhaps the surlyness goes with feeling unwelcome? |
Anonymous
| This sounds stupid, but every time you think or feel something negative, force yourself to think something positive about them. It sounds absurd but someone gave me this advice once about someone I detested but was forced to deal with, and it worked. I actually started liking them -- a lot. It works. |
Anonymous
OP again, are you sure this works? I am a bit of a skeptic. Another HUGE problem is that this person has performed so far below my expectations, scholasticly and generally. Yes, I know my children will grow up one day and also disappoint me, but MY child sneaking a beer or a ten out my wallet will be MY child. |
Anonymous
| Why don't the teen stay with their parents? |
Anonymous
OP again, the teen was headed down the teeanage wasteland cliche and the parents would not/could not help change this direction. |
Anonymous
| Thing is when its your kids at that stage you'll HAVE to make it work because there is no one else to "give" them to. With the relative its not yours and you feel like the solution to the problem is get rid of them. What would you do if it were your own kids? You'd have to find a solution that works. You need to do that with the teenager- counseling, support groups, activities whatever it takes to find a balance. |
Anonymous
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Thank god for you, taking care of that kid and being there for them. Try to imagine being in their shoes and don't blame them for what their parents have not done. What if that teenager were out all alone? Try not to project on them as you deal with the insane frustrations of having two little ones.
I'd be surly too if I were being raised by a relative who hated the sight of me. Try to picture them in a few years, out of school, gainfully employed and only coming back for Thanksgiving! |
Anonymous
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good karma will come your way.
can you try to stay the course? or get some counseling with this young person? or give them an ultimatum? especially if its hurting your kids or your family... in the years after i left for college, my mom took in several kids of friends of ours who'd gotten in trouble of one kind of another - she said she did it b/c she hoped that if something bad were to happen to us kids, and our parents weren't around to care for us, she hoped someone would take us in... |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but you need to pull your head out of your ass. If you are truly going to "parent" this child...you need to parent. Meaning, you need to see this child as your own and take responsibility for him or her. You're not doing them any favors and I'm sure the teenager can tell you don't really care about them. That's pretty horrible. If you don't care, then you need to reevaluate WHY you have this person in your home. If you do care about them, act that way. |