How to better manage hosting big family for holiday visit?
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Anonymous
It’ll be hella unhealthy, but who cares. Keep some yogurt and cut up veggies in the fridge for healthier options. |
Anonymous
Tell them that they will.need to stay in an Air B&B and rent a car. |
Anonymous
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The rental property suggestion is a great one. Even if you still host actual Thanksgiving at your home (or even a “welcome dinner” or brunch one day or something as well) but it can be the “home base” for the rest of the weekend. Everyone should gather there, the rest of the time.. If you can find one large enough? You have lots of notice?
Otherwise I like the idea of enlisting the help of your most reasonable sibling. They could plan a block of hotel rooms together perhaps- ideally somewhere with indoor pool, bar etc (which will encourage people to hang out there more- and gather there rather than your house all of the time). Same sibling should also get a headcount & make some lunch/dinner reservations for the other days to add structure- which will also help to minimize time at your house. Also optional planned outings for some of the days (and people are more likely to follow thru if tickets have been purchased ahead). You could also offer to host an additional dinner or brunch etc at your house IF you want. IME the whole “dividing up the responsibilities” thing probably won’t work well if you continue to use your house as the only home base for that long of a time frame. My DH comes from a very large family and his sister (thank goodness) handles all of this stuff and usually uses the “organize a hotel as home base” strategy. Because there are really too many people to find a suitable rental house. One time she actually rented out an entire very small hotel in a vacation area and divided up the rooms/fees. |
Anonymous
| Tell your siblings that you are happy to host, but you need them out of the house more and helping out more. Make a draft schedule that is like, “Family Outing led by Carl” and “Afternoon movie led by Kelsey,” and of course a detailed list of what you want them to bring: pies, wine, kid cereal. Tell them you can’t plan and execute every meal. |
Anonymous
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If you don’t want to create any big waves (and you probably don’t…) I’d just send out an email to all about 4-6 weeks out with kind of a timeline/itinerary of sorts like:
Wed night: pizza at our house Thursday: Thanksgiving at our house, of course! Friday: my kitchen is closed (haha), let’s plan to do the xyz museum(s) for all who want to join in, and then all go out for dinner (Larla and Steve- can you make a reservation somewhere please? your choice) Saturday: big breakfast at our house (we will order in from a great bagel place) and then plan to head to xyz for the afternoon-hope all can join? Dinner out! (Larlo and Suzy can you get a headcount & make a reservation somewhere please? Anything is good!) Sunday: blah blah and so forth Maybe to just add some structure and expectations. I think that would help a ton here. Particularly if finances are not an issue for people. |
Anonymous
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We have around 20+ people for 3 days. We do breakfast and tea every day. Everyone is responsible for rinsing their dishes and putting it in the dishwasher. I freeze most of the things in advance. It is not difficult. Also, anyone who wants to get some takeouts etc - we are all for it. And we also outsource for thanksgiving - deep fried turkey, gravy, two kinds of pies. We only make broccoli casserole, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, salad, sweet potatoes.
Breakfast is - coffee, tea, milk, toast, avocado, jelly, peanut butter, cereal, yogurt, banana, berries, walnuts, boiled eggs and scrambled eggs, frozen hash brown, breakfast sausage, cream cheese, butter, ketchup. Lunch is usually one of these - - Lasagna - multiple trays frozen in advance. Salad. Fruits and ice cream. - Rice, chicken penang curry, pumpkin veggi in red curry. Fruits and ice cream - Chickpeas curry, rice, tandoori chicken. Fruits and ice cream. Lunch and Dinner morphs into one on TG day. Tea - Tea along with -cookies/banana nut bread/cucumber sandwiches/stuffed sandwiches/egg sandwiches Dinner - TG - TG leftovers - Chinese takeout. I have two freezers and 2 fridge. |
Anonymous
You didn’t grow up celebrating Garage and Back Porch Refrigeration Season, and it shows. |
Anonymous
| You need a lot more structure. People need to be given responsibilities for tasks related to meals, cleanup etc. Set expectations and communicate now. Let your families know it was too much last year and you need to make some changes. Also, 19 people are never going to agree on a group activity. Either put someone in charge of making an activity happen each day, start telling the group what they will be doing or be more aggressive about setting limits for when everyone can be in your house. |
Anonymous
Omg I’m wheezing from laughing so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 what an image! |
TeamSpirit_Mom
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that sounds like way too much for one household to handle. It’s great that you enjoy hosting, but 4–5 days with 19 people basically living in your space? That would drain anyone.
I think you absolutely can still host Thanksgiving dinner, but you need to set firmer boundaries this year. Maybe something like: "We’re hosting the meal on Thursday and would love for everyone to join, but we can’t accommodate overnight stays for the whole group this time. There are plenty of nearby hotels or Airbnbs." Also, it’s completely reasonable to say that you’re not planning to organize group activities every day. Let people know in advance that you won’t be doing three meals a day, and if they want to hang out, great , but everyone should pitch in or make their own plans. Honestly, it sounds like last year turned into an unintentional all-inclusive resort , and that’s not fair to you. Better to be clear up front than silently resentful the whole weekend. You’ve got this- just speak up early and don’t feel guilty about it. |
Anonymous
You are guessing very wrong. Plenty of poorer people have huge family gatherings. You make it work by being organized and having everyone pitch in. |
Anonymous
Agree. This sounds awful. |
Anonymous
 This is what I was thinking,😂😂😂
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Anonymous
I think this is a great plan/strategy and also makes it clear to everyone upfront that you aren’t repeating last year’s pattern. I bet that having relatives from both sides of the family might make it harder to get everyone to agree on activities so I might break up the activities into two parallel blocks: “some of us will head to the zoo with Lucy and kids while others go to the art museum” but love just putting people in charge. |
Anonymous
| What if you moved up thanksgiving dinner to thanksgiving being served around 1p? Then you don’t have to worry about lunch. Keep the food in the serving dishes and leftovers for dinner if people are still hungry. And have dessert later ask everyone to bring a pie and serve with ice cream. |