How to better manage hosting big family for holiday visit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would plan a field trip every day

1. To the Hirschorn
2. American History Museum
3. To see a movie
4. Bowling

And combine each with a meal out for lunch.

For breakfast - bagels and cream cheese one day, eggs and bacon one day, cereal and fruit one day, doughnuts one day. Coffee and juice. Done. If someone wants something else, they can handle it themselves.

For dinner - pizza one night, Chinese one night, make dinner one night, thanksgiving

It’ll be hella unhealthy, but who cares. Keep some yogurt and cut up veggies in the fridge for healthier options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems that the baton for hosting Thanksgiving has been passed to me and I need to figure out how to make the long weekend a bit less stressful. Last year, DH and I hosted 15 family members (19 including us + our kids) - his parents, his aunt and uncle, my parents, my sister, BIL and their 3 kids and my brother, SIL and their 2 kids.

While I really enjoyed having a big family thanksgiving dinner, the problem is that everyone lives a plane ride away so it was multiple days of hosting a massive group and entertaining them. Some stayed with us and others stayed in hotels. We tried to give everyone suggestions for things to do but they all just congregated at our house for 4.5 days and it was completely overwhelming to be responsible for figuring out meals and activities for everyone around the clock. Everyone was happy to contribute financially so that wasn’t an issue, but they all just wanted to hang out at our house and didn’t want to do separate activities yet couldn’t agree on group activities - so we literally did not leave the house expect for one dinner out. I was so frustrated on Thanksgiving day when I was trying to prepare a huge meal for everyone and our families had just taken over the house and messed up the kitchen making lunch for everyone, having snacks and not being helpful. Actually, my sister and SIL did try to help and broke a bowl and burned something which was annoying.

I am happy to host the dinner again this year but how do I get people to not move into our house for the whole time and also not expect that our group of 19 people has to do everything together or we do nothing at all? It would be great if they just came for 1-2 days but they all fly in Wednesday and don’t leave until Sunday/Monday and it’s just too much.

Tell them that they will.need to stay in an Air B&B and rent a car.

[Anonymous]

The rental property suggestion is a great one. Even if you still host actual Thanksgiving at your home (or even a “welcome dinner” or brunch one day or something as well) but it can be the “home base” for the rest of the weekend. Everyone should gather there, the rest of the time.. If you can find one large enough? You have lots of notice?

Otherwise I like the idea of enlisting the help of your most reasonable sibling. They could plan a block of hotel rooms together perhaps- ideally somewhere with indoor pool, bar etc (which will encourage people to hang out there more- and gather there rather than your house all of the time). Same sibling should also get a headcount & make some lunch/dinner reservations for the other days to add structure- which will also help to minimize time at your house. Also optional planned outings for some of the days (and people are more likely to follow thru if tickets have been purchased ahead). You could also offer to host an additional dinner or brunch etc at your house IF you want.

IME the whole “dividing up the responsibilities” thing probably won’t work well if you continue to use your house as the only home base for that long of a time frame.

My DH comes from a very large family and his sister (thank goodness) handles all of this stuff and usually uses the “organize a hotel as home base” strategy. Because there are really too many people to find a suitable rental house. One time she actually rented out an entire very small hotel in a vacation area and divided up the rooms/fees.

[Anonymous]

Tell your siblings that you are happy to host, but you need them out of the house more and helping out more. Make a draft schedule that is like, “Family Outing led by Carl” and “Afternoon movie led by Kelsey,” and of course a detailed list of what you want them to bring: pies, wine, kid cereal. Tell them you can’t plan and execute every meal.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want to create any big waves (and you probably don’t…) I’d just send out an email to all about 4-6 weeks out with kind of a timeline/itinerary of sorts like:

Wed night: pizza at our house
Thursday: Thanksgiving at our house, of course!
Friday: my kitchen is closed (haha), let’s plan to do the xyz museum(s) for all who want to join in, and then all go out for dinner (Larla and Steve- can you make a reservation somewhere please? your choice)
Saturday: big breakfast at our house (we will order in from a great bagel place) and then plan to head to xyz for the afternoon-hope all can join? Dinner out! (Larlo and Suzy can you get a headcount & make a reservation somewhere please? Anything is good!)
Sunday: blah blah and so forth

Maybe to just add some structure and expectations. I think that would help a ton here. Particularly if finances are not an issue for people.

[Anonymous]

We have around 20+ people for 3 days. We do breakfast and tea every day. Everyone is responsible for rinsing their dishes and putting it in the dishwasher. I freeze most of the things in advance. It is not difficult. Also, anyone who wants to get some takeouts etc - we are all for it. And we also outsource for thanksgiving - deep fried turkey, gravy, two kinds of pies. We only make broccoli casserole, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, salad, sweet potatoes.

Breakfast is - coffee, tea, milk, toast, avocado, jelly, peanut butter, cereal, yogurt, banana, berries, walnuts, boiled eggs and scrambled eggs, frozen hash brown, breakfast sausage, cream cheese, butter, ketchup.

Lunch is usually one of these -
- Lasagna - multiple trays frozen in advance. Salad. Fruits and ice cream.
- Rice, chicken penang curry, pumpkin veggi in red curry. Fruits and ice cream
- Chickpeas curry, rice, tandoori chicken. Fruits and ice cream.

Lunch and Dinner morphs into one on TG day.
Tea - Tea along with -cookies/banana nut bread/cucumber sandwiches/stuffed sandwiches/egg sandwiches

Dinner
- TG
- TG leftovers
- Chinese takeout.

I have two freezers and 2 fridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never hosted this many people, but people say just have stuff on hand. Do you just buy three dozen bagels on Wednesday a bunch of gallons of milk, 50 yogurts, 10lbs of chicken plus food for thanksgiving? Where do you store all of this food?

I'm guessing there is a bubble of rich people with extra large houses. Our house is just big enough for the 4 of us and the fridge and kitchen are tiny. We can't do that sort of thing.

You didn’t grow up celebrating Garage and Back Porch Refrigeration Season, and it shows.

[Anonymous]

You need a lot more structure. People need to be given responsibilities for tasks related to meals, cleanup etc. Set expectations and communicate now. Let your families know it was too much last year and you need to make some changes. Also, 19 people are never going to agree on a group activity. Either put someone in charge of making an activity happen each day, start telling the group what they will be doing or be more aggressive about setting limits for when everyone can be in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stock up on food they can help themselves too, ie pastries for breakfast, sandwich fixings for lunch, etc.

Order delivery/pizza for dinner, get the men to grill- keep it simple.

Do “the men” flip the burgers with their dicks or something? In my family, men and women can grill, or bake, or whatever is helpful.

Omg I’m wheezing from laughing so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 what an image!

[TeamSpirit_Mom]

that sounds like way too much for one household to handle. It’s great that you enjoy hosting, but 4–5 days with 19 people basically living in your space? That would drain anyone.

I think you absolutely can still host Thanksgiving dinner, but you need to set firmer boundaries this year. Maybe something like: "We’re hosting the meal on Thursday and would love for everyone to join, but we can’t accommodate overnight stays for the whole group this time. There are plenty of nearby hotels or Airbnbs."

Also, it’s completely reasonable to say that you’re not planning to organize group activities every day. Let people know in advance that you won’t be doing three meals a day, and if they want to hang out, great , but everyone should pitch in or make their own plans.

Honestly, it sounds like last year turned into an unintentional all-inclusive resort , and that’s not fair to you. Better to be clear up front than silently resentful the whole weekend.

You’ve got this- just speak up early and don’t feel guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never hosted this many people, but people say just have stuff on hand. Do you just buy three dozen bagels on Wednesday a bunch of gallons of milk, 50 yogurts, 10lbs of chicken plus food for thanksgiving? Where do you store all of this food?

I'm guessing there is a bubble of rich people with extra large houses. Our house is just big enough for the 4 of us and the fridge and kitchen are tiny. We can't do that sort of thing.

You are guessing very wrong. Plenty of poorer people have huge family gatherings. You make it work by being organized and having everyone pitch in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would never have allowed this in the first place. And there is no playing around in my kitchen on holidays when I need to cook a large meal. How on earth are you chill about this? You have nerves of steel, or you are in denial of your own suffering

Agree. This sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stock up on food they can help themselves too, ie pastries for breakfast, sandwich fixings for lunch, etc.

Order delivery/pizza for dinner, get the men to grill- keep it simple.

Do “the men” flip the burgers with their dicks or something? In my family, men and women can grill, or bake, or whatever is helpful.

This is what I was thinking,😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to create any big waves (and you probably don’t…) I’d just send out an email to all about 4-6 weeks out with kind of a timeline/itinerary of sorts like:

Wed night: pizza at our house
Thursday: Thanksgiving at our house, of course!
Friday: my kitchen is closed (haha), let’s plan to do the xyz museum(s) for all who want to join in, and then all go out for dinner (Larla and Steve- can you make a reservation somewhere please? your choice)
Saturday: big breakfast at our house (we will order in from a great bagel place) and then plan to head to xyz for the afternoon-hope all can join? Dinner out! (Larlo and Suzy can you get a headcount & make a reservation somewhere please? Anything is good!)
Sunday: blah blah and so forth

Maybe to just add some structure and expectations. I think that would help a ton here. Particularly if finances are not an issue for people.

I think this is a great plan/strategy and also makes it clear to everyone upfront that you aren’t repeating last year’s pattern. I bet that having relatives from both sides of the family might make it harder to get everyone to agree on activities so I might break up the activities into two parallel blocks: “some of us will head to the zoo with Lucy and kids while others go to the art museum” but love just putting people in charge.

[Anonymous]

What if you moved up thanksgiving dinner to thanksgiving being served around 1p? Then you don’t have to worry about lunch. Keep the food in the serving dishes and leftovers for dinner if people are still hungry. And have dessert later ask everyone to bring a pie and serve with ice cream.