How to better manage hosting big family for holiday visit?
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Anonymous
| I would work hard at changing this tradition. Consider gathering everyone at a rental property outfitted for large groups so that everyone can get out of the mindset that you're the host who, when push comes to shove, is responsible for feeding, entertaining, and cleaning up after everyone. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing there is a bubble of rich people with extra large houses. Our house is just big enough for the 4 of us and the fridge and kitchen are tiny. We can't do that sort of thing. |
Anonymous
| It seems you're somewhat happy with this? To me this would be hellish. If you want to continue, you and your husband need to enforce rules around kitchen use. I'm not sure you can physically force people out of your home, but you can announce that you can't all go somewhere as a group. |
Anonymous
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I hosted Thanksgiving this past year at my elderly mother's home. We had 9 people staying at the house and then an additional 6 neighbors for dinner. So, we had less people in the house for an extended time but I had the added challenge of not being in my home. When the idea to do this was tossed around my husband just laughed and said "Just Project Manage the hell out of it!" And he was absolutely correct. I put together a spreadsheet of every meal that needed to be handled from the time the first person would arrive. I made a binder with recopies for everything that needed to be made, even the things I know how to make because this way others could help. Included in the spreadsheet were tasks like adding inserts into the table, finding linens and what each Thanksgiving food would be served in. Then came the assignments. Everyone got assigned tasks. I checked in with people ahead of time to see what they would like to help with and also paid attention to things like "Aunt Mary can't stand for a long time" No problem, she can sit at the kitchen table and peel the apples for the pie while Aunt Joan sits at the table and chops the carrots and celery for the stuffing.
Everyone laughed at how I tackled the event like a project from work. But it worked. Everyone pitched in. Some people swapped tasks, but they understood they needed to figure it out. And everyone had a great time. It wasn't perfect. The green beans were so bad and Aunt Larla will never be in charge of those again!! The best part was putting it all down in writing made me relax and gave me a chance to enjoy the time with our family and friends. For the OP: I would do some planning ahead and find activities outside of the house for people to go do. Also figure out some activities to do in the house but that don't involve the kitchen so that those helping with food prep have a little space to work. |
Anonymous
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We host a huge group and I am very directive when it comes to meals/ activities.
And unless it’s leftovers, no lunches at the house - that’s meant to be out as casual spots tied to activities. We plan out activities (museums, tours, etc) and send people out the door. I join for some - but some I say that I’m staying back to prep. Non-Thanksgiving easy dinner ideas: Weds arrivals: chili and big salad, Thursday: Thanksgiving, Friday: pizza, Saturday: out to dinner for final night of visit |
Anonymous
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This is how I would do it, but you can figure out what works best for you.
Wednesday evening: order in from Lebanese Taverna Thursday Morning: Brunch- some sort of egg bake, bacon, muffins, fruit salad, cereal and toast, (coffee, tea, two types of juices) Thursday Afternoon: The big bird Friday morning: leftover brunch, cereal,toast….. Friday Lunch: Leftovers Friday evening: Pizza, salad Sat breakfast: everyone goes out Lunch and Dinner: scrounging for leftovers. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Tell your siblings last year did not go well FOR YOU and have them come up with ways to figure this out. If you are in DC, this is SO easy because there are a million things to do that are free. The Smithsonian is open Thanksgiving day in the morning! Do not let them sit and marinate in your house. Assign an activity for the morning or afternoon and then they go DO IT. Your DH should deal with his parents/aunt/uncle. If someone isn't doing the activity, encourage them to hang at the hotel. I would try to figure out how to alternate families. That will cut your guest list, and also you can be more direct (I am assuming) with your own family. If you can't be direct, then say you will not host. |
Anonymous
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People need to help out more. People also need to get out of the house, especially on Thanksgiving morning. Just have your spouse and siblings make that happen. Not sure where you’re located but a park outing or trip down to the Mall. If there’s someone who would be helpful to you to get Thanksgiving dinner ready, recruit that one person.
Front load what you can, like setting the table the day before, prepping vegetables, etc. Have each adult couple handle one non-Thursday meal. It sounds like a group of people who want to be together, which is so nice. Don’t forget to enjoy yourself! Things don’t need to be perfect. How old are the kids? |
Anonymous
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Wednesday night, pizza and salad (or other family-style takeout).
Thanksgiving: tell people who aren't staying with you that they can come over anytime after 2 (they have breakfast and lunch on their own). Have DIY bagels, fruit, sandwich fixings available for those staying at your house. Friday and Saturday: Plan an activity (museum, movie, tour, whatever) for late morning. Lunch out in conjunction with the activity. People don't have to join but if they don't, they're on their own for lunch and entertainment. Dinner out one night, the other night takeout. Sunday: Either same as Fri-Sat or if you're up for it make this a chill day to hang out in your home and eat Thanksgiving leftovers. Basically limit the amount of time people are sitting in your house looking to you to take the lead on 3x meals a day plus entertainment. |
Anonymous
I grew up in an UMC family and we had the regular kitchen, and then stored overflow on shelves in the basement, where we also had an extra freezer. And yes, when you're hosting a lot of people, you send the husbands out with a couple of kids to pick up 2 dozen bagels along with OJ each morning, and stock up on yogurts a few days before they arrive. You can also enjoy 2025 and have food delivered. |
Anonymous
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When I host Thanksgiving I spend all of the next day "Black Friday shopping" alone. It's tradition and nobody even bats an eye anymore. I'm not actually shopping (I do all that online) but I might be reading in a coffee shop, getting a massage, treating myself to a long solo lunch, etc.
DH holds down the fort, handles meals and entertainment for houseguests. |
Anonymous
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OP, I do almost exactly the same thing, every other year for Thanksgiving, for about 20 guests. My guests don't generally arrive on Wednesday, but by lunch on Thursday (ALWAYS soup and home made bread; I love to bake).
Here is what I do. I collect recipes (I don't always make a traditional Thanksgiving meal, and I try out new stuff when there are enough hungry people they'll finish the dish even when it isn't the greatest) between now and November. By early November, I whittle them down to what I hope to accomplish. Then I make my spreadsheets. Spreadsheet 1 - What's for breakfast/lunch/dinner from Thursday - Monday (or Sunday; depends on when people leave) Spreadsheet 2 - What to buy, and when to buy them. Spreadsheet 3 - What to prep and when to prep them For me, it's easiest if I do one type of cuisine per day. For instance, Friday is Italian, Saturday is Asian, Sunday is Mexican/South and Central American, Monday is Indian, etc. Assemble it yourself meals make life easier. For instance, I will ask people to make their own summer rolls and Vietnamese noodle bowls. This year, I'm adding a Chipotle style bowl (having done that for DD's birthday, and having the kids absolutely demolish it). For breakfast, we usually get a bunch of bagels/croissants/pastries. One of the days, I'll make a couple of big 9x13 trays of overnight baked French toast. If I need help, I ask for it. People will be designated my sous chef, someone or the other is always washing dishes and keeping the kitchen clean, someone will take care of the entertainment, bringing card/board games, that sort of thing. By the time everyone leaves, I'm tired, but it's all in good fun, and I know that my family loves it too. |
Anonymous
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Many of us grew up this way. My mom has 13 siblings and whoever could make it piled into grammas house.
While it was great fun for the cousins - we got to play together all day - most of the adults hated it. Hubby and I live 350 miles from our closest relative. No one is ever invited for holidays. We both worked and our kids were in too many traveling sports that this became “our” time as a family. No regrets. There are now 10 of us - w grandkids and spouses, and we have enough space to host them for a day or two. I put my need for order aside and hubby cleans up after every meal. Kids bring sides (or make them at my house) and it works out. But no one stays for 4/5 days. |
Anonymous
This made my day - thanks PP. |
Anonymous
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I would plan a field trip every day
1. To the Hirschorn 2. American History Museum 3. To see a movie 4. Bowling And combine each with a meal out for lunch. For breakfast - bagels and cream cheese one day, eggs and bacon one day, cereal and fruit one day, doughnuts one day. Coffee and juice. Done. If someone wants something else, they can handle it themselves. For dinner - pizza one night, Chinese one night, make dinner one night, thanksgiving |