Child is finally school aged. How did you make friends as an adult?
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Anonymous
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All my friends I have made since being a parent I met through my kid.
1) other daycare parents 2) PTA 3) my kids friend's parents |
Anonymous
| Seems most of the friendships tend to involve "couple" things--wine parties, house parties, trips to the beach/skiing and also in my Church. It has been hard to meet 1:1 friends, no one seems interested, not OP here. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, it took a year or so to make friends. The first year was tough but each year we get to know more people.
I reached out to the parents of children that my kid was friends with and we've had them over to our house for play dates. I volunteer in my kid's classroom and do make an effort to introduce myself if I don't know the other parents. I am part of a running group and we chat while we run. There are group runs once a month which give a good opportunity to meet people. Summer pool and swim team - I met parents at swim team since we had to stay with the younger ones during practice. There are some clicky parents but each year I get to know more people. |
Anonymous
| It took me FIVE years to feel like I had good friends at my kids' elementary school. And then we move and I'm starting all over again. Feel your pain, OP. |
Anonymous
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A huge portion of the friends that I have in my life have come through various book groups. You have to stick it out, like others have said.
Also, I'd encourage you to be more open minded about age. I hang out once a month with three 70+ year olds because we all enjoy the same activity. I love being around people in different stages of life. |
Anonymous
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Why not make friends with the elderly craft crowd?
If you are looking very specifically for moms of elementary kids who are SAHMs or have significant free time *and* like “weird introvert,” your pool of potential matches is very small. |
Anonymous
I am openminded about age, but do not have a single friend locally who is within a decade of my age! I mean, I don't have older friends, either, but have become friendly with some of the other garden volunteers. A book club sounds great, but how to go about finding one around me? |
Anonymous
Can you start one? If you join one, everyone will know each other but you. If you start one, it will be like freshman year of college where no one knows anyone else. |
RhymeTime
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Hi, I have moved four times since having kids. You would probably. consider me to be weird because I actually enjoy the process of meeting other parents and finding friends in a new place. I am also a minority, and two of my moves were abroad, so I know what you mean about the difficulty of breaking in. First, take every opportunity to meet people. Accept offers for coffee, meetups with other new people. I often had friends from other places tell me, “oh, my friend so and so lives in your new city, let me connect you”, and I would always meet up. Sometimes it was one and done, and other times it led to new friendships. Second, I found that one of the best ways to make connections is by asking for advice or small favors. There is a seemingly illogical cognitive bias called “the Ben Franklin effect” where people that you have requested a favor from are more likely to think positively about you. Asking someone for advice about pediatric dentists, piano lessons, or school uniforms can often turn into a conversation and then an exchange of phone numbers. I met one of my closest friends 15 years ago when I asked her where she had gotten her kid’s swimsuit at our kids’ group swim class. Third, leverage your kids. Ask the teacher who your kid plays with and arrange a play date. Find out who the class parent is - it’s usually a very outgoing parent who really wants everyone to be friends - and suggest a park play date for the class. Good luck! You are interested in meeting other parents and are willing to make an effort, which is the biggest hurdle. |
Anonymous
| Try a meetup group. Is that still a think? Those events are made for people looking for friends. |
Anonymous
Find a group where you don’t feel “weird”. I used to feel freakish until I found my tribe (literary/intellectuals). |
Anonymous
| You’ve gotten good advice about consistency, and even something small like going to the same park all the time with your kids, you see the same people. I feel like this is a value add of country clubs/pool clubs and such also. OP I also just want to say that this is can be so community by community, I lived somewhere for a while where it was SO hard for my husband and I to make real friends, and we’ve moved to a community where everyone is so friendly and it’s been insanely easy to make friends, so it might not be “you.” |
Anonymous
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Making friends is kind of like dating. It matters less where you meet but more that you click when you meet. There are some people you just easily get along with and want to get to know better.
I have 3 kids. I am friendly with their friends’ parents and we talk when we see one another but I do not consider any of these people friends. Your kids are older but I met a lot of friends when my kids were toddlers and in preschool. I was in a few mom’s groups and clubs. There were lots of birthday parties and play dates. I have made friends from the pta. I volunteered and other moms worked the same station with me. One mom and I worked together to pick up hay bales one year and we just got along. Another time a mom and I ran a bingo table together and spent a few hours together. Our kids were in the same class and friends. Another mom had a girl in my son’s class. Our kids were never friends but I would see the mom at school events and now we are good friends even though our kids don’t even go to the same school anymore. Out of countless parties I have attended, I made one new good friend at a party of my husband’s friend. Her kid was friends with dh’s friend’s daughter. We happen to sit at the same table eating and we chatted for 2 hours. We exchanged info and I met her best friend and she met one of my friends and we have been hanging out together. I have never met a friend at exercise class but I have a friend who meets tons of friends on peloton. |
Anonymous
When I moved to the DMV, I had an acquaintance who introduced me a moms group on meetup. At the time, there were so many different groups and on any given day, there was a play date or an opportunity to take your kid to play with other kids. I met many people then and a few actual good friends from those days. In not sure why but I think it would be weird to go to meetup strangers just as an adult. While taking my kid to a playground meetup wasn’t strange at all, I would not want to go to dinner with a bunch of strangers. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the Indian mom that you should try to find others of your race/ethnicity. The white UMC/wealthy people around here are constantly “busy” and understand nothing about reciprocity. I don’t expect dinner party invitations - just initiating a meetup at a park would be enough! There are a rare few good eggs but in general I feel other minority moms are more friendly. |