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[quote=RhymeTime][quote=Anonymous]We have moved several times and I am admittedly a weird introvert. But my kid is finally school aged and I have time during the day. What did you do that yielded some friendships? I’ve already done:

Gardening volunteer work

Moms exercise class

Volunteering for PTA events

Volunteering for class parties

Chatted with people at kid’s sport practice

Part of the issue seems like at school and sport events, everyone already knows each other. Really, lots of the people here grew up in this town and they attended the schools their kids are in now!

And then when I go to outside events like exercise class or volunteering, people don’t seem interested in making friends or they are way out of my life stage. I pushed myself to socialize at the gardening events and some of the older people were straight up gruff with me (younger and a newcomer as well as a minority).

What else would you suggest for a weird, shy, new person like me?[/quote]

Hi, I have moved four times since having kids. You would probably. consider me to be weird because I  actually enjoy the process of meeting other parents and finding friends in a new place. I am also a minority, and two of my moves were abroad, so I know what you mean about the difficulty of breaking in.

First, take every opportunity to meet people. Accept offers for coffee, meetups with other new people. I often had friends from other places tell me, “oh, my friend so and so lives in your new city, let me connect you”, and I would always meet up. Sometimes it was one and done, and other times it led to new friendships.

Second, I found that one of the best ways to make connections is by asking for advice or small favors. There is a seemingly illogical cognitive bias called “the Ben Franklin effect” where people that you have requested a favor from are more likely to think positively about you. Asking someone for advice about pediatric dentists, piano lessons, or school uniforms can often turn into a conversation and then an exchange of phone numbers. I met one of my closest friends 15 years ago when I asked her where she had gotten her kid’s swimsuit at our kids’ group swim class.

Third, leverage your kids. Ask the teacher who your kid plays with and arrange a play date. Find out who the class parent is - it’s usually a very outgoing parent who really wants everyone to be friends - and suggest a park play date for the class.

Good luck! You are interested in meeting other parents and are willing to make an effort, which is the biggest hurdle. [/quote]

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