Roar wrote:I used to engage parents, but found now it doesn't help unless its a quick, "that's a youth lax rule not HS." as your running.

I've given up on trying to say anything during the run of play, but occasionally if I'm near the parent's sideline during a stoppage of play, or at half-time, and they're complaining about something specific, I'll explain my call quickly. As you point out, most of those conversations are pointing out their misinterpretation of a Law.
Most frequent conversations:
1) If the ball hits a players' hand, it's not automatically a violation.
2) If you play the ball while you're lying on the ground, it's not automatically a violation.
3) It doesn't matter if you got the ball first, if you take out a player it can still be a foul.

Roar wrote: I don't know about you, but I tend to write down the first name of the head coach and refer to him/her by name and cover my mouth while talking to them from the side not directly in front of them.

Funny you say that, because at my re-certification clinic this year, a National Ref spoke to us on how effective this is...he called it a "drive-by". It lets them know that you've had enough without showing them up in any way. They can back down without feeling a stab at their pride.

Roar wrote:We're fortunate in Lax that many parents don't understand the rules as much as soccer, so we don't get as much harsh critics.

Maybe they're just more honest with themselves...soccer parents may think they know the laws well, but I guarantee that they have the same knowledge, or lack thereof, as the lax parents. It amazes me that with all the time and effort that parents spend on sports, that they never take an hour or so to simply read the Laws of the Game. Obviously, I'm sure there are some parents out there that do, and actually know them well, but the vast majority of parents have simply never cracked a book.
Ironically, the people that seem the most ignorant of the Laws overall are coaches that have had significant playing careers. Any time a coach comes up to me after a game and prefaces his complaint with "I used to play pro ball..." I know he or she is about to demonstrate ignorance of the Laws. It's uncanny.

Roar wrote:One question, do you let the kids "chirp" at each other?

No, that may be the thing I'm strictest about...I shut that down immediately if I hear it. It can easily build up and turn into a situation later, so I've found it's best to be proactive about it.

Anonymous wrote:My father, a former travel coach, always made us shake the refs hand after games.

We've taught our boys to do the same.

Do you get that often?

I love when this happens...I think it's a great way to end the game.
And it's no surprise that this happens the most with a coach that's been showing respect during the game as well.
I'd say this happens in a formal setting, oh, maybe 25% of the time now...and as the other poster said, fist bumping seems the norm now.
I think it really helps to calm everyone down after the game, and possibly even humanize the refs a bit.
And if a player or a coach wants to come up to me after that and talk about certain calls, I'm happy to do it.

Anonymous wrote:So can we have some sort of a big fight between you and the soccer coach that does the AMA on here? That would be fun!

If he's been around for as long as I have, we've probably had a big fight at some point.

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be "all refs suck" here...but I have a actual question.
Two weeks ago, U10 tournament. Ref was wearing a heavy coat the whole game, barely took his hands out of his pockets, and never left the center circle.
I know all the complaining in the world doesn't help, but is there anything realistic that we as parents can do when the refs seems particularly bad?

First of all, never go over to a ref after the game to criticize...nothing good will come from it. Even if you're totally right.

If things are really bad though, email the referee assignor, and tell them as honestly as you can what the problems were, and send a picture if there's a situation like this.
The assignors around here are really big on professionalism, and would want to know if someone is acting like this.
I've seen an assignor at a tournament yell at a ref for not having their socks pulled up, or not having their shirt tucked, so something like you describe would be dealt with.

As for contact info, if it's at a tournament, look on the website...there's almost always a link for refs.
At a normal game, email someone in your club...they should know who the assignors are.

Work on the diet first, then move on to training.

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, the refs in Maryland were always horrible. Is this still true?

Yes, but not just Maryland.
Every ref in the area is horrible, and every player shows a complete and unbiased understanding of the Laws of the Game.

Anonymous wrote:With all the screaming coaches and parents (there are some on my daughter's team that I can't stand), I was wondering what power the refs have to control it. Why don't they card coaches more? Can you kick out parents?

You can't card coaches, only players/subs. There are a few tournaments/leagues I've worked that allow it, but it goes against the Laws of the Game.
We can throw them out of games, though. Generally we're trained to "ask, tell, dismiss"...ask the coach to stop the behavior, tell him "that's enough", and then throw them out if it persists. I've found that going over to a coach at a stoppage and saying that you heard him and understand his complaint, but now it's time to stop, usually works. Obviously, refs need thick skins, and unless coaches get abusive or personal it won't get to the point of dismissal.

Parents are more challenging. Again, most of the yelling is just blowing off steam, nerves of watching their kids play, legitimate frustration with a bad call etc.
But there are also some parents that I equate to internet trolls..yell just for the sake of yelling, eager to engage with the ref and get into an argument. I've found it best to ignore those people completely, unless they're harassing the AR. Engaging with parents like that is just pouring gas onto the fire.
Luckily, I've never had to throw a parent off of a field, but we are empowered to do that if we so choose. If they refuse to leave, we can abandon the game, and the league decides what to do from there.

I had a girl from a U11 game scream at her dad to shut up once. Never heard a quieter sideline after that.

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I'm cheering on Kirk Cousins. He's really sticking it to Snyder by not caving and signing last year.

Yup...I've been a Skins fan all my life, but I'm really hoping they trade Kirk and go 0-16, while he flourishes on another team.

Anonymous wrote:do you ever miss a call because you are checking out hot moms on the sidelines?

No, but to be honest...
I was reffing an adult women's league, and a sub came on that was drop dead gorgeous. I must have stared for a little too long, because another player yelled out, "game's over here ref!"
Way beyond embarrassing.

Anonymous wrote:Offensive Player #1 kicks the ball to score.
The goalie stops the ball but does not catch it, it bounces into play.
Offensive Player #2 kicks the ball and scores.

The ball was between the goalie/goal and Offensive Player #2.

The referee calls off sides.

How can he be off sides if the ball is between the Offensive Player #2 and the goalie/goal?

Because offside is determined by where the attacking player is when the ball is played, not where he is when he plays the ball.
So if player 2 was in an offside position when player 1 kicked the ball, it is an offside violation for him to touch it, even if it's from a rebound off of the keeper.

Anonymous wrote:One thing I've wondered about: why do a few referees seem so hesitant to call fouls? Are they concerned about the potential reaction of spectators? Are they reluctant to have to run to the spot where the foul occurs (many of our refs seem to prefer to stand near the middle of the field)? Is it a pain in the neck to have to stop play and oversee the logistics of the free kick? I could understand that, but it's frustrating when fouls aren't called because young players, especially, begin to learn bad habits, such as jabbing opponents in the side with their elbows rather than making a proper slide tackle with their feet. I find that the defensive fundamentals aren't learned as quickly when the rules aren't enforced game after game. Thanks for your perspective.

Let's face it, at the younger age groups you're simply going to get a lot of bad refs.
Tends to be two categories...young kids just starting out as a ref, and older refs that take the least challenging games they can and still earn a paycheck.

For the older, less mobile, center-circle refs as we call them, it's simply a matter of not being in a good position to make the call and missing things because of that...or they simply don't care, and want the game to end and pick up their check.

For many young refs that are dealing with a game situation for the first time, or close to it, it's really hard to learn to be assertive with the whistle. You''ll see a lot of hesitant calls, a lot of whistles where you can't tell what they're calling, and a lot of people not calling much of anything because they're overthinking what's going on and by the time they realize they should have blown the whistle, the play has already moved on. And yes, add the pressure of screaming coaches and parents, and young refs can simply become paralyzed out there.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen some really good refs doing U9 and the like...they're just in the vast minority.

And as the kids get older, you should in theory start getting better refs...except there are so many games out there, and so few refs, that more and more refs are being assigned games that are beyond their skill level.

New ref retention is tiny...one season of getting screamed at all game, and they never come back.
The moral...be nice to young refs, and in the long run, the reffing will be better.

Anonymous wrote:Why do AR seem clueless and look to the Ref to make the decision on a call?

How much do you guys get training on what is and isn't offsides?

Don't know about the clueless part, but the duty of an AR is to assist the CR, who has the final say on everything. If they're looking to the CR to make the call, it's because they're not sure what the correct call is and are looking for some help.

As to offside, we get a lot of training. Every year we have to go to a re-certification class, and offside is always discussed thoroughly.
As you probably know, there is nothing wrong with being in an offside position. It's only a violation if the attacker in an offside position interferes with play, interferes with an opponent, or gets an advantage by being in an offside position.
But there's lots of gray area in what that actually means, and FIFA/USSF tweak the interpretations pretty regularly, so beyond the basic "he's in an offside position and kicked the ball", it can get really difficult.

Anonymous wrote:As a ref (not wearing your parent hat) are there certain clubs in which the parents have poor reputations for behavior? What about players? And coaches?

Let me say this first...when my kids started playing, and I was a spectator for the first time, I couldn't believe how hard it was for me to avoid yelling at the ref. So I totally understand the urge.

With that said, I've noticed a very loose correlation...parents from the top and the bottom divisions tend to be the loudest. The middle division parents seem to be a bit better.
In general though, parents have gotten A LOT worse over the last decade or two. I haven't noticed any specific clubs with louder parents than any other though.

As for coaches, I've had the worst experience with the SAC. So many shouters, both at the refs and their own players.
The coaches for the bigger clubs around here tend to be OK for the most part.

As for players, I tend to get more dissent from lower age groups than I get from older kids. Totally reversed from when I started.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, a weekend of tournaments has brought the spring season underway, full of screaming coaches and parents, whining players, and yes...some terrible reffing as well.
New this season that you may notice, kickoffs don't have to go forward, and a foul that denies an obvious goal scoring opportunity is not automatically a red card.

Been reffing for more than 20 years, have done everything from high level adult amateur to U8...happy to answer any ref/law questions you may have over the season.
Also a soccer parent with 2 kids that play travel.

Enjoy the season!

even in the box?

Specifically in the box.
Outside the box, a foul that denies an obvious goal scoring opportunity (DOGSO-F) is still an automatic red card.
Inside the box, in order to avoid the dreaded triple punishment (penalty kick, red card, suspension), the folks on high decided that DOGSO-F will only be a PK and a yellow card. Unless...

The offence is holding, pulling or pushing or
The offending player does not attempt to play the ball or there is no possibility for the player making the challenge to play the ball or
The offence is one which is punishable by a red card wherever it occurs on the field of play (e.g. serious foul play, violent conduct etc.)

In those cases, it'll still be a RC.
Confused? So are we...this change adds a subjective decision (was the defender attempting to play the ball?) to an already subjective decision (was it an obvious goal scoring opportunity).
I guarantee you'll see little to no consistency on this call this season.

Sorry, forgot to log in before posting the original message. My screen name is SoccerRef.