Ask your OB for referrals to a pyschiatrist or psychologist who specializes in this. There are many options. Don't go it alone.

My mother claims she went into labor with me at 35 weeks because she moved a large dollhouse for my sister. Who knows.

UGH, this makes me nervous. I'm 6 months preggos and have moved from a 34C to a 36C, but I'm scared of what's to come!

OP, I think one important thing that others have said is that giving candy as a reward essentially for finishing dinner and fruit post-dinner really might lend itself to overeating behavior. That's not teaching moderation. Moderation is sometimes we have fruit for dessert, sometimes we have a cookie or some frozen yogurt. We also (growing up) figured out other sweet snacks - like chocolate or strawberry milk or cinnamon toast, or jello or pudding. Expand the universe of what might be a moderate dessert. My boss does this with his kids - some dessert nights have sweet desserts, some nights have fruit. and it seems to work (I have an infant so not there yet). I also liked a PP's suggestion of moving sweet snacks to the afternoon. True candy, like m&ms or sugar candies were not kept in my house growing up but were not limited to TWICE a year which seems extreme to me too. There was a neighborhood store and my sister and I would sometimes be allowed to get some candy. Maybe remove the candy and make that a sometimes on the weekends treat? Probably with any of these changes your daughter will have a withdrawal period but will be come accustomed to less sugar in pretty short order.

Don't have great advice on lying/stealing except to say some of this is normal boundary testing but folks are right to say nip it in the bud.

BUT - I had an extremely overweight friend in college who I believe hoarded food and overate b/c her mother was SO strict and so on top of her eating choices and never kept a lick of junk around that she ALWAYS wanted that kind of stuff. Moderation is HARD to teach and no matter what you do I think kids will want sweets. It's just important to watch how on top of her you are about food intake and how it could all be internalized. Lots to think about!

I just picked up a book at Whole Foods called "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: Orchestrating and Enjoying the Family Meal" by Ellyn Satter. Haven't checked to see what it says about sweets and desserts but I'm sure it would have some helpful ideas. Had friends recommend her other books to me as well.

OP try not to stay too isolated for too long. I think you are reaching out by posting here. if a support group seems like too much right now, maybe just a counselor or therapist to start? This is a huge loss and something that anyone in your shoes would have a hard time comprehending. Just don't want you to be too isolated for too long.