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Am I expecting too much self-control from my 5 y.o.?
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Anonymous
| My 5 y.o. DD has been stealing candy and gum, hiding it in her room, and eating it (including swallowing multiple pieces of gum) on the sly. We allow her to have some candy after she finishes her meals but not otherwise. She is not allowed to have the gum at all because she won't just chew it without swallowing it. I've tried keeping the candy and gum away from easy access (e.g. on an upper shelf in the cupboard) but DD climbs up on the counter to get it when we're out of the room -- which worries me from a safety standpoint if nothing else. I wonder if my rationing teh candy is backfiring because DD now seems obsessed with getting these items. Or should I go the other way and not allow it at all? DH thinks it's not a big deal but I'm bothered by DD's lying about it and her fixation on getting this forbidden fruit. Any ideas on how to deal with this situation? |
Anonymous
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I think that the best way to address this is to remove the temptation - do not keep candy or gum in the house. If you feel like giving her a special treat then buy the candy then. If you must have it in the house try to hide them in a place that she cannot reach or that she is not aware of. Hiding something that you know she wants in a location that she is aware is inviting bad behavior.
Good Luck. |
Anonymous
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Oh, and I was so looking forward to 5! DS is 4.75. He's pretty good about accepting our limits on candy. He gets one junk food treat per day, outside of any parties/celebrations they have at school. He's not allowed to have gum.
Not sure about the self control, but what are the consequences that your DD suffers when she sneaks the candy and gum? I'd be inclined to keep with your rule that she can't have any gum until she shows you that she can chew it properly and spit it out when she's done. So you throw out any gum as soon as it comes into the house -- use the outside trash can if you need to. If she's climbing the cabinets to get to the candy stash or hiding it in her room, then I'd throw out whatever candy you have when that happens. She doesn't get more until the next party/holiday/whateever makes you buy it. Then it starts again -- she gets whatever she's allowed on a daily basis but if she sneaks any, it all goes into the trash, end of story. (Of course, I would need a lockbox of some sort for my own personal junk food stash. Good thing we have REALLY high cabinets and I'm 5'11.) |
Anonymous
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she needs punishment. she knows exactly what she's doing and doing it behind your back is even worse.
I will skip talking about what kind of punishment I would use since it's your personal decision and it depends on your parenting style. Today is a piece of candy, tomorrow it's something more serious. There are several issues involved and the fact that your DH thinks it's not a big deal is also worrisome. Your daughter is lying, she's putting herself at risk climbing on furniture, she's thinking the parents are idiots, she's eating out of other desire than hunger... it is a big deal. |
Anonymous
| Remove the candy from your house but when you want to give her a special treat take her out for ice cream or buy a single cookie or cupcake from a bakery or grocery deli. |
Anonymous
| OP here. DD's punishment is that she loses some privilege (usually t.v. time) and gets the whole lecture about why candy is a sometimes food, why stealing and lying are bad, etc. I may have to just not have it in the house at all but I wonder if it will seem all the more attractive because then she'll never get it outside of parties. I was hoping to be able to somehow teach her about moderation but I'm failing on that point. DD seems to think her candy stealing is some sort of game -- like let me see if I can outsmart mom and get the candy without getting caught. It's the bigger picture of no moderation and trying to outsmart the parents that's bothering me more than the candy consumption itself. |
Anonymous
Please ignore the troll. The rules are not working. Sit down with your child and hammer out a SOLUTION together, regarding candy and gum. Also hammer out what will happen if these rules are broken (she can come up with with her own consequences, make sure they are reasonable). Obviously, the gum swallowing is not good, so tell her that you will try in two month, and if she swallows it then, you will have to wait. No punishment, in all seriousness, she could start to develop eating and hoarding issues. |
Anonymous
| Just remove all the crap from your house. Candy after meals isn't a good idea either, it creates a bad habit and expectations. |
Anonymous
This is what I think you should do. |
Anonymous
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Clearly you are expecting too much from your kid - thus remove the temptation.
As for the lying etc - no, you are not expecting too much. Stop with the lectures, and try something else. (She couldn't care less about Candy not being real food). Focus on the lying. |
Anonymous
| OP, what are the current rules about sweets? It sounds from your initial post that you often allow her to have candy after meals. What about other sweets? Do you and your husband want to keep candy in the house? A little more context about the current expectations might help here. |
Anonymous
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15 22 just because you disagree I'm a troll?????
what's wrong with you? a 5yo is clearly old enough to understand why she's being punished and eating disorders or hoarding doesn't happen because someone was in time out for stealing candy. you should do your homework before saying such stupid thing. |
Anonymous
I don't think she's a troll. I think what she's saying is pretty accurate. Plus, you don't sit down with your FIVE-YEAR-OLD TO HAMMER OUT A SOLUTION TOGETHER. You are the parent, YOU need to come up with the solution and punishment. Egads. |
Anonymous
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OP here again. The current rules: she's allowed a piece of candy (e.g. a funsize or 4-5 M&Ms) or some other treat (a little ice cream) as a dessert after dinner only if she has finished her meal and some fruit afterwards. If she doesn't finish both the meal and fruit, then she doesn't get "treat." She generally doesn't get other sweets except for special occasions like birthday parties. I actually wouldn't be opposed to giving her some sugarless gum if she would chew and spit rather than swallow it.
I've debated about creating the expectations by giving a treat after dinner (she does seem to view this as her right if she has finished her meal and fruit and not just a parental discretionary thing). But I also didn't want to completely eliminate all sweets from the house because I really do want to teach her about moderation. But it seems like she can't handle the temptation of having it in the house at all. Thanks for the responses so far. I'm curious if anyone has managed to teach moderation or is that more of an inherent trait at this age. We have the same situation with t.v. She's allowed a show per day but would be very happy to watch for hours if she was allowed. Luckily she hasn't learned how to turn on the t.v. herself yet! |
Anonymous
No, your advice is just so blatantly wrong, I just figured you were messing with the OP. The child is already hiding food, and those bhvrs will be exacerbated by punishment and shame. It is psych 101. All five year olds lie. They do it bc the truth gets them in trouble. If you remove the fear (from the side of the parent), you remove the lies. If you punish the lies, you increase the fears, thus more lying. The OP is in a cycle of punishment and lies and hiding with her DC. It is not working. You recommended more. I figured you must be a troll. Sorry. |