Anonymous wrote:OK, here's a serious response. We do let our teenagers drink in our house - initially it was a half-glass of watered wine on Friday nights once they were Bar Mitzvah (we're Jewish obviously), now that they're closer to 18 if we're having wine with dinner they're welcome to have a glass too. BUT I would be seriously upset if I found out they were allowed to drink at a friend's house, in the basement, in larger quantities. I do discuss drinking with them - quite a bit - and I feel that another parent facilitating drinking beyond what we consider appropriate limits diminishes the impact of our message. If they choose to get liquor in shady ways, at least they'll also experience some healthy guilt.

Another thing for you to think about - I have friends who have multiple alcoholics in their families, and they have told their kids that they should not even be trying liquor until they are in their twenties, with more mature brains. If you allow them to drink at your house, are you first questioning them about any genetic disposition to alcoholism? Because again, you are sending a message which is the opposite to what their parents have sent (for very good reasons) and you may be causing problems you haven't even thought about.

Thank you for the thoughtful and serious response....you have a pretty good system in your house. Better than most I would venture to say, and I do teach my kids about the dangers that persistent alcohol abuse pose. But frankly I am not of the belief that alcoholism is a valid disease....it is a fundamental lack of impulse control that usually transcends alcohol but almost always manifests itself in alcohol because of the numbing effects. When they are too wasted to care then "the alcoholic" gets what they wanted....no, not drunk. They got away from responsibility and guilt and that is habit forming like crazy!

Actually the families that I am referring to in my Euro experiences were exactly like that. Maybe not every night, and I'm not advocating that either but from time to time if the kids were having a gathering the parents made sure that all the party favors were supplied and at least in the case of the Greeks that I lived with they would also make sure that there was a supply of marijuana so the kids wouldn't be out trying to buy from street dealers. I am sure I am not the only parent on this site that smokes pot...I might be the only one out talking about it but I know that the way I was buying drugs was way more risky in my teens than in my adult life....I can understand wanting to keep your kids from getting locked up over something harmless....like a beer party or wanting to smoke a doobie. I know I am using stupid terminology and everything to downplay the seriousness in this thread but really? If you found out that your kid's friend had a party for the end of the school year and the parents gave them a safe place to be themselves and experience things for themselves you would sue? You litigious people are more of what is wrong with the world than I am....but that's just my opinion and I can already feel a pretty serious backlash coming from this post...

Anonymous wrote: My mom is European and had this same sort of mindset and I am really screwed up from it. She let my BF sleep over all the time and surprise, surprise, I ended up getting pregnant. I had to get an abortion, which was extremely traumatizing. To my mom even that was no big deal...her "have an abortion and have a party" mentality really f-ed me up...

To the dedicateddad, don't make the same mistakes. Talk to your kids, by all means, but don't go over the top with this.

And the "anonymous" complaint I made in the previous post was not directed at you! Thanks for giving me something to think about. The idea of being flippant about having an abortion is contrary to everything I believe in....it is a serious decision that is not to be taken lightly. That being said I would encourage my daughter to have an abortion if she had gotten pregnant at an early age...even though it can be emotionally devastating so can being a teen mom...but I am disturbed by the thought that anyone could put abortion and party in the same sentence!

I wish there were less anonymous posters in this thread...I can't keep track of who I am having a productive conversation with and who is trolling me. I will continue to raise my kids as I see fit but I was interested in some real people having a real discussion about this. The Euro philosophy does work well. In my extensive European travels I have seen a lower incidence of kids going crazy with alcohol and drugs like American kids do...and I do blame boring white puritanical people for making it seem so mysterious because of the way we hide drugs alcohol and sex. To those who just keep saying this mindset is "creepy" I encourage you to elaborate...that's the point right? Discussion?

Anonymous wrote:I assume you're joking but just in case -- before you allow your DC's to invite my DC over, please tell me that you are going to let them drink, will be buying liquor for them, and may encourage them to have sex as long as they use condoms. Because if you don't, and if those things happen, I am going to sue your ass!

I wouldn't be making a "flophouse" for kids to come over and have sex...that would be creepy. But as for the beer thing I think that consulting the parents of any guests wouldn't be out of line if they were coming over for the night but at the same time would you really prefer that your DC (and I admit that I have no idea what that means) be out hiding in the woods consorting with bums, child molestors and other unsavory people to get the alcohol for them? I'm a big picture kind of guy and think that if your kid is of the mindset that wants to consume alcohol then they are going to whether you like it or not...might as well prevent them from doing what I had to do and talk sketchy strangers into buying me booze. I can't tell you how many times there were close calls where I was either about to get snatched or did get robbed...maybe that is a rite of passage but I call BS on that and would prefer my kids to not have to worry about that. Plus the bums usually charge exorbitant tolls for the service of breaking the law for you....a penny saved is a penny earned.

I hate to agree with and therefore "feed the troll" per se but I'm afraid that I can't disagree with it. I think that perhaps the LSD is the only thing I would prefer to keep my kids away from and might not allow in my home but as a parent of twin 14 year old boys it began to make more sense for my wife and I to give them the basement area where they can have some friends over and do what they are going to do anyway...but now they have a safe place. We also RARELY purchase liquor for them...no reason for inexperienced kids to get alcohol poisoning...but we will buy them a case of beer and let them all get a little crazy and have no risk of them trying to get behind the wheel of a car or do something stupid.


My question to bring to the table is in regards to sex...our boys are really just getting interested in girls and we have taught them about being safe...what do you other parents think about providing condoms and a safe CLEAN place for the kids to experiment sexually...