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Only thing you can do is ignore it, taking comfort in the fact that your child isn't being parented by a wacked compulsive show-off/competitive mess.
I have a similar situation, except my dd is the younger child (by 6 mos.) Everything was competitive, even when I was still PG. Our daughters are clearly different people, and we have different parenting philosophies, and yet she [my cousin] can't let it rest.
My recommendation? You practice a series of neutralizing responses to the worst of it, and as for the rest, you just sit back and let good, loving parenting show who's the best.
I have a similar situation, except my dd is the younger child (by 6 mos.) Everything was competitive, even when I was still PG. Our daughters are clearly different people, and we have different parenting philosophies, and yet she [my cousin] can't let it rest.
My recommendation? You practice a series of neutralizing responses to the worst of it, and as for the rest, you just sit back and let good, loving parenting show who's the best.
Anonymous wrote:Contrary to what others have posted, I believe you should start with a psychologist. A psychiatrist is going to try to push meds initially. I would try to start out with psychologists first and the psychologist will assess whether your level of depression is in need of med management or can be treated with psychotherapy. I am bias to psychologists because social workers don't have near the level training as psychologists do.
This wasn't my experience with my psychiatrist at all. Not. at. all. In fact, I found my GP much more willing to push meds. (not that there's anything wrong with antidepressants, antianxiety meds or anti-whatevers when they truly are indicated).
Anonymous wrote:
I wonder if some of the discrepancy is due to people referring to different areas on Capitol Hill. Aren't some very established? Aren't other areas still in more of a transitional mode? Perhaps if you make statements like "crime is HORRIBLE" you could clarify which area you are talking about, and when you lived in that area. My understanding is that some areas have changed very quickly in the past few years.
Anyway, I find it hard to believe that some areas of CH have random drunks knocking on people's doors on a weekly basis, with playgrounds that are filled with drug addicts during the day. Some areas of CH are really nice; others are probably more problematic; and other areas probably require a real commitment to "city living" to live there.
Exactly.
A prior poster suggested that the Hill is really best evaluated on a block-by-block basis. People told me that when I moved here, I've lived here now for 6 years and it's still true. It's just different blocks that are problematic now. And I kinda guess that since OP is coming from Berkeley, condoms, homeless people and drug addicts on park benches (to the extent that these conditions exist -- they haven't, in my experience) won't trouble her as much as they might trouble others. Unless the PR Berkeley has changed that much since I went to school there.
OP, I'd suggest that you head over to the Hill one weekend, drive/walk around, take in Eastern Market, 8th Street etc. Chat people up; have a beverage at Tunnicliff's or Mr. Henry's and ask folks about their Hill neighborhoods. Make note of streets that feel "right" to you (and maybe of those that feel "wrong" as well?). Then look at real estate listings/recent transactions in those areas, to see if the prices are in line with what you'd be willing to pay. If ready access to parking is an issue for you, look for properties with garages, or lots deep enough to build a garage. Plenty of these on the Hill. In fact my neighbors have their lovely 3 br 3.5 ba with parking on the market right now.
Yes, there is crime. And some of it is more violent in certain areas (mine included in past years, but not recently thank goodness). But, knocking wood, the only problem I've had in 6 years (in a still transitional neighborhood) was having my bike stolen from my garage 5 yrs ago, which only happened b/c I flaked and left the garage door open for hours. I don't have bars on my windows, and only got an alarm system recently b/c I was concerned about fire and carbon monoxide safety -- not burglary. It's my sense that much of the property crime is of the easy opportunity variety (a city living nuisance) and that the violent crime happens between folks who know each other and choose to settle their beefs in that unfortunate manner.
I'd be lying if I were to say that I haven't considered moving now that I have a family -- but that has to do with the specific block I live on, the public school situation, and just being plain tired of the stair climbing and schlepping that the floor plan of our house requires.
Pls feel free to PM me, or post an email address, if you'd like to chat further.
Best to you, whatever you decide.
You should have a sit down with a structural engineer, but it's my sense that this is a LOT to take on, and is the kind of project that has lots of potential for unforeseen developments and expense.
The basement of my rowhouse was dug out by the company that rehabbed my home before I bought it. I think it cost a pretty penny, but it did allow seamless access to about 600 sq ft of space that otherwise would have gone unused and/or been an odd little basement with no access from inside the house. It's now our 3rd BR/bath/laundry space, but I don't think I would have undertaken the project while living here.
I recall the project manager shaking his head and rolling his eyes when he talked about the whole process, saying, "we're not doing THAT again." They dug it out by hand, carting the soil out with wheelbarrows; luckily the existing floor was dirt (!) so they didn't have to break up and cart out an existing concrete floor, too. I didn't ask, but presume that the vertical brick column supporting the house spent some time up on a jack.
In the 6 yrs that I've lived here I've had no problems with water (I have a sump pump, that was installed as part of -- maybe necessitated by -- the renovations). But my next door neighbor (who's been here for decades) started having flooding problems in her basement after my rehab was done.
Mind you, my house was only a bombed-out brick facade with half a roof and two side walls at the time the work was done; nobody was living here except a disgruntled squirrel. Who probably didn't really mind that his house was being held up by a jack.
But if you do go for it, please consider installing a radiant heating system in the floor -- I wish I had.
Best of luck, whatever you decide!
The basement of my rowhouse was dug out by the company that rehabbed my home before I bought it. I think it cost a pretty penny, but it did allow seamless access to about 600 sq ft of space that otherwise would have gone unused and/or been an odd little basement with no access from inside the house. It's now our 3rd BR/bath/laundry space, but I don't think I would have undertaken the project while living here.
I recall the project manager shaking his head and rolling his eyes when he talked about the whole process, saying, "we're not doing THAT again." They dug it out by hand, carting the soil out with wheelbarrows; luckily the existing floor was dirt (!) so they didn't have to break up and cart out an existing concrete floor, too. I didn't ask, but presume that the vertical brick column supporting the house spent some time up on a jack.
In the 6 yrs that I've lived here I've had no problems with water (I have a sump pump, that was installed as part of -- maybe necessitated by -- the renovations). But my next door neighbor (who's been here for decades) started having flooding problems in her basement after my rehab was done.
Mind you, my house was only a bombed-out brick facade with half a roof and two side walls at the time the work was done; nobody was living here except a disgruntled squirrel. Who probably didn't really mind that his house was being held up by a jack.
But if you do go for it, please consider installing a radiant heating system in the floor -- I wish I had.
Best of luck, whatever you decide!
My DD has named my mother Namby, we think it's short for "Nana bunny" which was how we would occasionally refer to my mom. DH's mother, who is French, is "M'mere" (which I pronounce Muh-MARE, but my French accent is not so hot)
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For us, the flavor of the toothpaste made all the difference. We have some faux-mixed berry thing now (I think it's Oral-B) that she LOVES. Before, it was not so easy. We do have a vibrating baby toothbrush/gum massager and DD loves to use it, play with it more like, after meals. It lives in the kitchen and she "brushes" (herself, me, dad, whomever) before she leaves the highchair. But real brushing happens after bath time, I put her in my lap and reach around to brush, which is easier than brushing with her facing me, b/c she doesn't try to snatch the toothbrush and go after my teeth.
There was a thread on this a while back, you might want to search and take a look at it. My DD's fat feet fit well into Pedipeds (Robeez were a complete no go), but other people haven't had the same experience.
I think most adults aren't opposed to having a brief conversation like "what's the doggy's name?" or something like that, with a pre-schooler. My daughter (16 mos) chats people up (or at least tries) all the time, and generally people have been responsive. I have to translate (e.g. "she's asking you about Elmo") -- and you could do that too, explaining that he's asking "how are you doing?" That said, perhaps you could teach him to just say "hi" (to avoid the confusion caused by "why you doing") and that when people are otherwise engaged -- like a group of adults standing on the sidewalk talking -- it's probably not polite to interrupt.
I would organize an intervention, even if it's just you sitting her down and telling her of your concerns, citing specific examples of why you think she's not doing well, and offering her all the support you can in obtaining help -- finding docs, getting her to appointments, whateve you can do. You might want to stay away from talking about a specific diagnosis or course of treatment -- some folks get resentful and huffy when family members "psychoanalyze." You also might offer to help, to the extent that you can, with day to day "stuff" -- e.g. if her house is a mess, get it spic and span for her. Sometimes things pile up and are just so overwhelming that they can drive a person deeper into inaction and depression.
I had a similar situation with my mother in the months after my father passed away. She was always depressive, and just went downhill fast after dad died (understandably). All of my prior suggestions of therapy/meds fell on deaf ears UNTIL I was able to make her see how her depression was affecting her grandaughter (my DD) who she simply adores. My mom has always been motivated more by external things and caring for other people than by the notion of caring for herself. I don't know if your family member is of a similar mindset, or if there's something else that would motivate her, but in my experience you need something, anything, to cut through her depressive fog and give her an "aha" moment. As in "aha, it isn't normal to feel this way, I don't have to be miserable."
I've struggled with depression as well, and was resistent to taking meds for a long time, for whatever reason. My "aha" moment came when a dear friend told me this: "If your liver or lungs were sick, you wouldn't expect them to work again without treatment, which you would seek, of course, because it's the rational thing to do. When your brain chemistry is off, you can't rely solely your "sick" brain to make decisions about your treatment. You need the input of others. And we're here telling you that your doc is right, you need the meds." So relying on a "sick" brain to make rational decisions about treatment isn't, well, rational. For whatever reason all of this made sense to me (though as I type this it does sound pretty loony! I'm not that crazy, I swear! ). I hope that you can find something that will make sense to her.
My best to you both. She's lucky to have you in her corner.
I had a similar situation with my mother in the months after my father passed away. She was always depressive, and just went downhill fast after dad died (understandably). All of my prior suggestions of therapy/meds fell on deaf ears UNTIL I was able to make her see how her depression was affecting her grandaughter (my DD) who she simply adores. My mom has always been motivated more by external things and caring for other people than by the notion of caring for herself. I don't know if your family member is of a similar mindset, or if there's something else that would motivate her, but in my experience you need something, anything, to cut through her depressive fog and give her an "aha" moment. As in "aha, it isn't normal to feel this way, I don't have to be miserable."
I've struggled with depression as well, and was resistent to taking meds for a long time, for whatever reason. My "aha" moment came when a dear friend told me this: "If your liver or lungs were sick, you wouldn't expect them to work again without treatment, which you would seek, of course, because it's the rational thing to do. When your brain chemistry is off, you can't rely solely your "sick" brain to make decisions about your treatment. You need the input of others. And we're here telling you that your doc is right, you need the meds." So relying on a "sick" brain to make rational decisions about treatment isn't, well, rational. For whatever reason all of this made sense to me (though as I type this it does sound pretty loony! I'm not that crazy, I swear! ). I hope that you can find something that will make sense to her.
My best to you both. She's lucky to have you in her corner.
I cried. I took pictures. (But thankfully not in that order!)
Def. call your doc, but my DD's similar symptoms last week were diagnosed as a mild case of Rotavirus. According to my ped, it's going around.
Vax exemptions vary state to state, just like vax timetables and requirements. Anyway, DC allows exemptions (i) for medical reasons, when certified to by a doc or public health official, and (ii) for religious reasons. If I recall, the law is silent on whether and how the religious belief in question is to be documented. There's no exemption for simply philosophical reasons, however, as exists in some states. So if someone from your daycare is getting an exemption because he "doesn't believe" in vax-ing, he's either stating it in terms of a religious belief when he fills out the DOH health form, or the DOH is letting him slide.
As for what's required, DC's vaccination law was last enacted/updated in the late 90s -- 1997, maybe? So newer vaccines like Prevnar and Rotateq wouldn't be addressed. And, (my personal favorite) the vaccine schedule that's printed on the back if the DOH school health forms is NOT an accurate summary of DC's laws. It's based on much more recent AAP/CDC guidelines. So if you try to follow that schedule, you can still end up in hot water. We did.
Oh, and because the DOH is in the process of updating the law, I've been told that they're not distributing copies of what's currently in effect. You'd have to go to the library and pull the municipal regulation yourself. So basically, you only find out if your child's vaccines are "in violation" when DOH's computerized vaccine registry throws up a red flag, and DOH notifies your daycare provider. So that's really helpful for planning purposes. But what's really great is when the DC registry isn't programmed in accordance with the DC law, and DOH sends erroneous notices that your child is due for a vaccine that, under the law, isn't yet required. Our tax dollars at work.
Sorry for the rant. I've gone a couple rounds with daycare and the DOH over vaccine requirements, can 'ya tell?
As for what's required, DC's vaccination law was last enacted/updated in the late 90s -- 1997, maybe? So newer vaccines like Prevnar and Rotateq wouldn't be addressed. And, (my personal favorite) the vaccine schedule that's printed on the back if the DOH school health forms is NOT an accurate summary of DC's laws. It's based on much more recent AAP/CDC guidelines. So if you try to follow that schedule, you can still end up in hot water. We did.
Oh, and because the DOH is in the process of updating the law, I've been told that they're not distributing copies of what's currently in effect. You'd have to go to the library and pull the municipal regulation yourself. So basically, you only find out if your child's vaccines are "in violation" when DOH's computerized vaccine registry throws up a red flag, and DOH notifies your daycare provider. So that's really helpful for planning purposes. But what's really great is when the DC registry isn't programmed in accordance with the DC law, and DOH sends erroneous notices that your child is due for a vaccine that, under the law, isn't yet required. Our tax dollars at work.
Sorry for the rant. I've gone a couple rounds with daycare and the DOH over vaccine requirements, can 'ya tell?
Let me start with a disclaimer: I was raised to think that white shoes only existed for nurses and people with poor taste. (my Mom was, um, a little rigid, maybe?) I've long ago recognized that my mom is a freak and that "what to wear" to church is sort of secondary (since God really doesn't care), but I still probably have a bias towards black shoes for little girls, which I think would be totally appropriate for Easter, esp if they're black patent leather.
Ultimately, it really doesn't matter. If I were you, I'd get what was most readily available, and what she'd most likely use again.
I have to ask: why are the people who are posing this dilemma for you not able/willing to give you any guidance? That's kinda mean, IMO. Are they just messing with you, you think?
Ultimately, it really doesn't matter. If I were you, I'd get what was most readily available, and what she'd most likely use again.
I have to ask: why are the people who are posing this dilemma for you not able/willing to give you any guidance? That's kinda mean, IMO. Are they just messing with you, you think?
If he's been croup-y, be happy he's able/willing to eat solids at all. I bet that he'll be back to eating like his old self as soon as he's feeling better.