Understand that the court system is aware of spouses like this. There are protections in place because of spouses like this. I agree with not wanting to use lawyers but you need to protect yourself and a lawyer will make sure you are protected. Be sure to use the court liaison too. I would not have contact with your spouse and have the courts and attorneys handle it all. Your spouse will gave to communicate with others, not you. And it will be done by the law which is not open to interpretation so he can not control.

I’m tired for you just reading your post. I know this won’t seem like any help but the words “this too shall pass” apply here. It’s a short season. Just plow through it. That said, if you are both working full time the home responsibilities shouldn’t be carried only by one spouse. Rather than viewing them as duties, they can be viewed as shared rituals/bonding time. Instead of one person making dinner, it’s both spouses sharing the time together, beautifully orchestrated. It’s a mindset and counseling would be good too.

Have you done counseling at all? There are underlying issues that are behind the anger. Jumping in and working through those issues can make a marriage better and stronger. If you’ve committed to a marriage and have created a family, that is all worth fighting for. Since you have a child together, you will be in each other’s lives a really long time. At least giving it a fight and working through the issues can give a sense of peace if down the road you decide to not stay together.

Don’t take flattery from someone’s drunken words. His words were actually disrespectful to you. You are worth more than that. He doesn’t have a right to talk to a married woman that way. It was probably because he was drinking, but it doesn’t make it right. Get it out of your head. Find a hobby or activity that brings you joy and focus on that until this gets out of your head. This thought will pass and then you won’t think on it.

You make perfect sense to me. You committed to this man and meant your vows. You love him and want him. Now you have to figure out how to break that attachment. And it’s hard. You already said you did all you could and you changed. I always wonder why we do that to ourselves. Why we feel like it’s just US that needs to change rather than both. Have you started counseling yet? A counselor can help you work through all of this. His affair wasn’t your fault. It’s something in him. But yes, that’s hard for us to separate. I wish I could fast forward your healing for you. But time will help that. What hobbies do you have? What do you like to do? What things have you wanted to learn or do that you haven’t been able to? What brings you joy? Focus on those things. Build yourself into an even better you. Invest in you. Instead of looking back and at the what ifs, tell yourself “now what” and “I can!” From a BTDT, you can get through this and find happiness again. You deserve it.

What an exciting time for you! I’d suggest following the check list and not worrying about the rest. Set aside some cash and as she realizes things she needs or forgot, she gets them at that time. Do you best to get the majority and don’t stress, just enjoy her new adventure ahead. Nice job mom getting her where she is!

You have really hard questions and a hard situation, but the fact that you are asking and feeling this way should give you pause. I’m proud of you for expressing your feelings to your DH but clearly he didn’t see your concern. Have you reached out to an AA support or something similar? At this point, that probably would be your best resource to guide you.