Worried about DH's drinking
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Anonymous
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DH comes from a family of drinkers. However, I don't really drink much at all and have no clue what is normal or not.
DH has always been what I would consider a big drinker - I guess maybe it's not the volume but the fact that he has at least two drinks every single day. During the week, its usually a bourbon when he gets home from work and a glass or two of wine with dinner (he loves wine and collects it). On weekends, especially if we go out to dinner with friends, he probably has 2-3 bourbons and 3-4 glasses of wine. He never really seems drunk, he mostly just falls asleep on the couch when we get home. My concern is that DH's brother is an alcoholic and just went into rehab. He was high functioning for a long time, until one day he wasn't, and sometimes I wonder that DH could have the same fate if he isn't careful. DH and his parents seemed really surprised but I wasn't - DH's brother can literally drink a whole bottle of whiskey in one night, and did fairly often. I've tried to talk to DH about this but he really thinks I am crazy and that he absolutely does not have a problem. While I don't think he has one now per se, I worry he could one day because clearly it's in his genetics. His mom drinks like a bottle of wine every night so I would say that she too overdoes it a bit. What do others this? Is this a reasonable amount to drink? |
Anonymous
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No that is not a reasonable amount to drink. His poor liver. What happens if you ask him to have zero drinks on a Monday night? Can he do it? I think you’re right that he’s heading to a big problem. Do you have kids?
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Anonymous
| Is 2-3 drinks almost every night a lot? My DH also drinks that much each night. I'm honestly not comfortable asking him to drink less. I've told him that I think 2 drinks a night is a lot and he "pooh-poohs" me ... |
Anonymous
| I would want to know if he is capable of taking a night off. |
Anonymous
It’s the EVERY night thing that’s a problem. Why not 3-4 nights a week? Why would he need to drink 3 drinks on a Tuesday night? He’s self medicating—but for what ? Stress? Depression? |
Anonymous
When I’m not pregnant I drink that much. Sleep issues. |
Anonymous
Stress and depression makes sense, actually. I'm going to start paying attention to how much he drinks, and really see if it is every night. |
Anonymous
Alcohol is not the cure for this. In fact, alcohol in any amount is bad for your sleep. That’s just a medical fact. |
Anonymous
If it didn’t work for my purposes (falling asleep easily when I want to) I wouldn’t do it. |
Anonymous
Good luck, I hope it’s not as bad as you see it, and if it is you both can work together to reduce his stress, assess possible depression and get him help. |
Anonymous
OP here. He is capable of taking a night off. There are probably 2-3 nights a month where he doesn’t drink for whatever reason and he is fine (ie not antsy or irritable for a drink). He just prefers to have a couple drinks to relax. Definitely could be stress related - he has had a lot going on at work and also a ton of drama with his brother. We do have 2 kids. |
Anonymous
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It's a lot- especially the weekend drinking. It's bad for his health, if nothing else.
Could you get into a workout program together? Join a gym or get some indoor equipment (treadmill). If he's drinking due to stress, he needs a replacement behavior. Drinking too much and alcoholism are not necessarily the same thing- but alcoholism runs in your DH's family. |
Anonymous
| OP, I am the OP of the ‘how to tell your kids their father is an alcoholic’ thread. I dont want to make you paranoid, but this deserves serious exploration. You basically described my DH before I learned that he was also drinking in the morning, at his desk, in the middle of the night... in all seriousness, I had been with this man for 10 years and did not know he was constantly drunk - this is high functioning alcoholism. Until it wasn’t, and it crashed and burned in a horrible way. I am not sure what I would recommend right now except to take it very seriously. Pay attention to little things, like does he sometimes forget conversations you had, or has his sleep pattern changed, or is he excusing himself at odd times or going to the bathroom a lot - these might indicate him trying to keep a steady buzz. Check the recycling every now and then for empties. And maybe have a conversation with him about how you are very concerned in light of his brother, and would he consider some counseling sessions to help you understand how to talk to each other about it. |
Anonymous
Not OP but laughing at the idea of getting my DH to exercise. |
Anonymous
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I would talk to him about it and ask him if he's willing to cut back: say, 2 drinks during the week, 3 weekend (and no driving), with 2 nights off during the week.
I have alcoholism in my family, a ton of social/work events and a tendency to get in the habit of drinking every night if I dont watch it, so I stick to limits (for me, one glass of wine night during the week, 2 max on weekends, and 2 nights minimum of no alcohol per week). |