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Anonymous wrote:MikeL wrote:Anonymous wrote:My guess is that OP doesn't really want to have sex. So, the kids hearing is just another roadblock thrown in the way so sex doesn't happen.
I think:
1. Tired in the evening.
2. Not a morning person.
3. Not while the kids are at home & awake.
might be the Triple Crown of excuses by the low drive spouse. Eliminates like 95% of the realistic sex opportunities. Throw in a period here and a headache there, and you can get sex down to once-a-month duty sex without having to spend much time giving your spouse excuses that make you feel bad.
I think you may have hit the nail on the head here.
The above could easily be my wife....
To quote my favorite Christmas movie, "Welcome to the party, pal." It's a pretty big club.
Anonymous wrote:Why do you need her to "give" you a hall pass?
Why haven't you just "declared" the marriage is open?
This would be the only possible way to save your marriage, as most normal/healthy people can not be celibate.
They can, but it takes a lot more commitment to making sex with each other exciting enough to minimize the need for variety. Very, very few couples seem to be able to do this, mainly because it takes both parties to make it work and typically one spouse just isn't interested in putting in the effort. And, no, upping the number of times you give your spouse duty sex per week is not what I'm talking about. It goes a heck of a lot deeper than that.
(Oops...reading comprehension fail on my part. My post is still valid (if you substitute the word monogamous for celibate) just not in response to the quote! I happen to agree with that one.)
Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here think the man should be chastised as breaking up a family and destroying a marriage?
Of course he should, but that wasn't the question in the OP. The question was "why?"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yeah, see in my house, taking a load off her doesn't fix anything. She'll just pick up new activities to make her exhausted. At the moment, it's marathon training.
End result is, I end up doing more and more of the necessary stuff, while she ends up doing more and more discretionary stuff that exhausts her and still doesn't result in sex.
This was me (I'm the wife), so I found an affair partner. Now my exH can spend his time doing whatever he wants and I can spend my energy on sex. Win win.
Likewise; husband here. I easily do well over half of the housework and chores at this stage -- there's no correlation between the two. Repeated initiations -- not just at sex, but cuddling, snuggling, PDA, etc -- over multiple months yielded multiple rejections. After sitting down and having a long discussion, it comes out that she's just not interested in having sex -- with anyone -- anymore. She spelled out her rationalization, which will stay between the two of us. I sympathize and feel sorry for her, but I'm basically looking at a sexless marriage for a long, long time -- we've got a young daughter who I want to be around, and the idea of divorce and split custody is heartbreaking.
It isn't sex. it is sex with you. I say this as a wife. Women are not meant to be monogamous.
Did she give you a hall pass??
Lot of truth to this. And explains why so many marriages are sexless over time when women are in their sexual prime and should be wearing their husbands out. Doesn't actually have anything to do with how much they love their husbands or even how attracted they are to them. The less aware women are of this the more likely they are to either dry up sexually or cheat and blame it on the husband's lack of (insert perceived shortcoming here).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A single man has all the power in that scenario. He can threaten to blow up your marriage any time you do something he doesn't like. You idiot. At least cheat with a married man that has something to lose
Meh I think most single men are cool with this arrangement.
Exactly. The quote was written by a woman who was projecting. Men who sleep with married women do so specifically because it avoids having to make a commitment. It's all about the sex.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Get a keylogger so you can see if he is deleting his history.
+1. Installing a keylogger was educational, to say the least. The cheating I knew about was just the tip of the iceberg. The key logger let me see how really dysfunctional he was and made it clear that I should not continue to spend time or energy on him. The key logger was the best money/time spent, because I had PROOF instead of being gaslighted by him.
If I had listened to his professions of remorse and his deep desire to stay together and pledges of love, he would have literally sucked the life out of me.
Thank god for key loggers.
Could a key logger be easily loaded on an iPad without being detected? Not really a joint iPad, pretty much just used by DH. Sorry, but all of this is new to me
A key logger installed on a device that is not jointly owned is illegal.
Adultery is illegal. Going 1 MPH over the speed limit is illegal. .
Adultery is immoral. But it's not illegal. Unless you are in Saudi Arabia or similar.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The only married women I have had sex with I had the consent of the husband to do so.
OP here, that is hot! I wish I had the consent of my DH, haha
I would give my DW consent if she asked.
Some men just get off on having sex with married women. It's a conquest. There's also a perception that if she is cheating it's because she is unsatisfied at home and will be that much hotter in bed.