cooperative preschools rock!

Though it's particularly stark when it's one kid who brings this kind of language, it's actually incredibly common to have this kind of issue- if you didn't have it this year, it would definitely come up in Kindergarten, where teachers tend to be less focused on social things (and less likely to address it). And lord knows it will happen in middle school! We have this issue in my daughter's 4s class too (I think it's more often than not a 4s issue, because they are so conscious of social manipulation), though not as dramatic, just a child who uses phrases like this more than the others.

Empowering the kid to know how to respond when another kid behaves like this is important. I focus very strongly on how to respond -- "I don't like it when you say that to me." "That is a rude thing to do." "Please don't talk to me like that." "Those are not kind words" both in discussion AND in modeling it- when a child tries those phrases out at home, part of what she is looking for is for how you respond when someone talks to you like that, so at least in this instance I try to very consciously keep my responses firm and prompt, but in phrases she can use too, as much as possible (i.e. avoiding punishing her, bc she can't punish her friend, or pulling the "you can't talk to your mother like that" line out, because those won't transfer usefully).

She will use what you do if you are clear, especially if you pair it with reflective discussion that's not in a "hot" moment (when you are peeved at her for repeating the phrases and behavoir you don't like).

I also think this is a good time to focus on the skill of noticing and responding to others' emotions, since it sounds like this kid lacks that, and your child perhaps can bolster those skills for herself to mitigate her tendency to follow the leader. "Look at her face. how do you think she feels right now?" both in the moment you catch your child saying something mean, and in a more general way, such as when reading a picture book or other opportunities to tune in to others' feelings. And "How you (or the character in the story) can help her feel better?"

You are also right to steer clear of talking about that kid as bad. I'm very firm with my daughter about that: "It is also a mean thing to call someone mean." Saying, "That is a mean thing to say" -- WHEN it happens -- is a subtly but tremendously importantly different from discussing a child as BEING mean generally. A kid can respond in a productive way to being told that they've SAID something mean, but they don't have a lot of options when they are labeled mean, except to live up to it.

Hi all- MOMS Club of Gaithersburg and MOMS Club of Rockville is hosting their 2013 preschool fair Friday Jan 18, 10-noon, snow date Jan 25, at the Gaithersburg Presbyterian Church, located at 610 S. Frederick Ave. It will be in Lindsay Hall, which is upstairs – there is an elevator if needed.
I don't think they have a website.

You say co-op? Then it's parent-run, right? So those kinds of tuition/fundraising things are parent decisions. The most productive thing you can do it get involved in those decisions- and not feel that you are too early in the year to jump in; if all the decisions and feedback come from families that have been in the school for longer, that's not actually a good thing for exactly the reason you're talking about- it's hard to keep the perspective of a new family when you aren't one.

Can you go to a board meeting or subcommittee meeting, or ask to be added to an email chain, even just to hear the discussion? They are probably setting tuition and fundraising goals for next year around this time of year- so it's the perfect time to speak up. I've been on lots of those discussions at my kids' coop, and it's always a challenge to figure out how best to balance it. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, as in most things. And squeaky wheels with good ideas are the best!

This page: http://www.preschools.coop./v/schools-councils/

You definitely don't have to join unless you want their newsletter, or want to LIST a coop. Seeing the list is free. (It's the "directory" link on the top navigation bar.)

Are you looking at schools that have some kind of weird unwritten unspoken admissions requirements for preschoolers? that kind of makes me shudder. There should be a little bit of matching between schools and families, "is this a good fit, will your kid be happy and thrive with our program," that sort of thing, ideally collaboratively between parents and school, but your question sounds like it's a whole other level.

I can't imagine that it would hurt your chances for only you to go; lots of families that's the case. BUT if he wants to have more input into the decision, you could always do the tours and then just go back with him for a mini visit at your first choice school(s) so he is more involved and knows what you are signing up for. That's good daddy involvement without killing his work schedule entirely.

You should talk to someone who's been on the board at your preschool (maybe an alumn, if you don't want to tip them off that you are interested!).

I'm on the board at my cooperative nursery school (Rockville Community Nursery School www.RCNScoop.org). For the most part the "board" part of the job doesn't take too long- just once a month evening meetings, plus occasional email chains, BUT the people who sit on the board usually have other substantial responsibilities- which is why they are on the board to begin with, so even though the actual board meetings aren't a huge commitment, they are in *addition* to other hours. We're a coop school, so every parent does some kind of task to help run the school. I'm the type of person who would rather be in a leadership position or helping make real decisions, rather than pitching in by just buying snacks or whatever, so I like it.

Board members also tend as a general rule to be the people who volunteer for other committees -- like setting up a salary structure for the teachers at our school, revising our bylaws, things like that-- which are all self-selected committees, but the more you do the more you know needs doing, so it expands for some of us.

The range of hours spent is very wide. It's a super way to really learn how the school works, though, and to build all kinds of skills about collaboration and leadership; at least that's been my experience. It would definitely depend on your school. From what I hear, some schools have parent boards who don't actually do too much or have real responsibilty beyond nominally - those jobs probably don't take much time, but that also seems like a bit of a waste of your time to me. If your board is a real time committment, it's also probably more worth your time, if that makes sense.

If you remember how you felt the last time you started a totally new job it gives you some sympathy for these little ones. It's stressful to be in a totally new environment, even if the teachers are wonderful. There are just SO many things to learn. We found that a routine after school was completely essential - as much as my DS wanted a break, we really needed to be as stress free as possible after school, which meant not arguing at all.

so this is what we did, every day:
1- stop at the playground to run around
2- wash hands the second we got home (yes, official part of the schedule, but so much easier to just have the routine and not do any reminding/nagging/asking/etc)
3- snack
4- homework (except the reading together bit, which we did after dinner)
THEN play/free time

Best advice I got before the K year was a friend who said: pack a lunch in a lunch box (or if your kid will buy lunch, practice carrying it on a tray), and set a timer for 20 mins. Practicing over the summer is fun, but figuring out what your child will eat, what containers he can open himself, etc, really helps- bc yes, hunger is part of the problem on those long days. You can't really simulate the excitement of "eating" for 20 mins with 100 other friends, but at least can try with the timing and self-sufficiency.

My daughter is 4, so I'm reading this with interest- I've been super impressed with Ballet Petite from a teaching/developmental standpoint, over the last year of lessons there. I have a degree in early childhood ed and lots of experience with preschoolers as well, and whomever is planning the formats of their classes is spot-on with what's appropriate for this age group, and she loved both her teachers. They're learning lots of basic ballet and staging -- but definitely for now we wanted a program that is good for her as a whole child, not just as a Potentially Great Dancer to be trained properly, and we've loved Ballet Petite. totally enthusiastic recommendation from our experience.

My daughter did Commotion in the Ocean in June and loved it- very professionally run, and it was really neat to have a theater/drama type as the teacher- she used lots of kinesthetic techniques for classroom management (fascinating to me as a former teacher), and the music/drama play was really good. My daughter didn't know anyone going in, but felt very comfortable and had a great time. They did group storywriting/telling/performing, music games I hadn't seen before, acting warmups- really cool stuff.

The art projects were a bit basic (foam shapes, coloring), but that might have been my perspective with my DS in concurrent camp at VisArts in Rockville, which can't be beat for art.

I really like Playdough to Plato http://www.playdoughtoplato.com/category/platos-blog/ lots of great play-based activities and games, for pre-readers, beginning readers, on up.

How old is your daughter? And do you know anything about how the school will transition her in if she is nervous? Are they drop and go even if she's worried? Or will they work with you? Is it a co-op or a regular preschool? Will you get to know her teacher/friends/etc?

Remember that to you the first day is a Huge Big Deal, start of an entire year of preschool, first stop on 20+ years of schooling, etc, but to her it's just 3 hours (or whatever) in a new place. She doesn't really grasp the momentous part of it the way you do, and that's just as well. She'll be fine and you'll be back soon. Try to help her handle it in little drops like that.

Rockville Community Nursery School still has slots in the 4s class (my daughter's class!), I believe...? 301-340-7584 is the office number. For the 4s, they have 4- or 5-day options 9:30-12:30, and they also have a "lunch bunch" that you sign up for in little bits (so you could try going to LB till 2:30 on Mondays in January and see how that goes to ease into a Kindergarten schedule later in the year). It's a co-op, so you'll get to know how he's doing, lots of feedback from the teacher, great insight into how he works with other kids, etc. They use the Creative Curriculum, which is the best play-based curriculum out there IMHO as a former teacher. www.RCNScoop.org www.facebook.com/RCNScoop
We have really liked this school for both of our kids. It's about 2 mins from exit 6 on 270, but it's tucked away on a church campus in the woods, very quiet and secluded back there away from traffic. You'd be reverse communiting from Bethesda, so probably pretty easy to get to.

Have you looked at cooperative (AKA parent-participation) preschools? There's usually a play-based curriculum at most of them, and our experience at RCNS has been that there is lots of information on the curriculum (they use the "Creative Curriculum" which is really good) and child development available for parents who are interested in learning more about what their child is doing/learning, and it gives you lots of ideas for how to extend beyond the school day - really sets you up to be your child's best teacher for life. You help the teacher in the classroom on a regular basis, and the teachers all have education degrees & lots of training, so you learn a lot there about your own child and how to support their learning, but you're also surrounded by parents who think education is important, and so there's lots of peer support for a rich environment for your child. I hear Montessouri is great, and I know parents who love it, but I used to be a K-4 science teacher and saw more than one kid have lots of trouble transitioning to structured schools from Montessori's freeform environment (even though the school I taught at was an independent school so small classes, etc). I'm sure that depends on your child, who you know best! Coops are usually a lot cheaper than Montessori, as a bonus benefit, but they aren't usually long enough hours if you really need childcare coverage.

Hi Sara - You should check Rockville Community Nursery School. They have a 2s program (for children who are 2 by Sept 1). It's a great cooperative school, play-based learning with great teachers, parents who really think early education is important. It's 9:30-12:30, extended till 2pm for 3s and 4s on some days. We've sent both our kids there, and really liked the co-op thing. the website: www.RCNScoop.org and you can find their page on facebook at www.facebook.com/RCNScoop