Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?

[Anonymous]

Does your DH go out for random nights on the town without you? Not a bachelor or bday party, just meeting friends?

If so, about how often? What time does he come home? Do you do the same?

Are you comfortable with this? Or wish he did less? Or think he should do more?

Trying to get a sense of the landscape of experience out there. I'm asking my friends too.

[Anonymous]

My DH does not but he doesn’t drink and is very introverted. Sometimes he’ll go to dinner with friends. They’re all nerds (said lovingly) so sometimes they’ll go see movies their wives don’t want to see with them. It’s rare, like a few times a year. They zoom now, and do zoom coffee breaks and cocktail hours.

I drink and go out for drinks with friends. Sometimes bars, sometimes restaurants, sometimes movies with bars, sometimes parties or events (there’s always something going on if you look for it). Depends on the friends and occasion. I usually take the train so I don’t have to drive so I’m usually home by 1am, but if I don’t feel like I’d be safe or if I stay later (Sunday nights or reduced hours due to covid), I’ll Uber. Outside of covid times, I probably go out 1-2 times a month.

We’re both responsible and reasonable. We have different social needs and encourage each other to nurture and meet those needs without inconveniencing each other. We also (pre-covid) had date night weekly unless work travel prevented it. I wish he’d go out more but I keep it to myself. Her says he’s happy with his calendar, but his mood is improved after hanging out with friends. I think he feels it’s not worth the anxiety before going out.

Most of our friends seem to have a similar setup with both couple and individual friends and it seems pretty equal. The only time I remember it being unequal was when babies were involved, but that’s a phase and usually the guys didn’t take advantage too much.

[Anonymous]

Pre covid he went out every couple months with some guy friends for happy hour or for a drink after dinner. Usually to places in the middle between them and us to hang out and chat. I have no issue with this. I do a moms group night out once a month as well and maybe dinner with a girlfriend separate to that. In covid thats been zoom coffee/drinks and zoom trivia for him instead.

[Anonymous]

I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.

[Anonymous]

I sense these are not the responses you’re looking for.

[Anonymous]

Prepandemic mine did. Maybe once a month. Usually to watch a game and have a couple beers with long-term make friends. They are a good looking group so I don’t doubt women have tried to hit it off with them. However, he’s never come home later than expected, smelled of perfume, or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we both did pre-pandemic. Several times a month. He’s very extroverted with several different friend groups plus his work friend group. I’m more introverted, but still went out regularly with my friends. We never talked about coming home times, but we’d always text a few times throughout the evening so knew roughly when each other would be home. We don’t have little kids (ours are high school and college aged) so no one ever felt like it caused an imbalance in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Bars, very very rare. He’s more likely to meet up with a friend or two for dinner and have a drink or two there. But he’s not a huge drinker, nor am I.

[Anonymous]

Yes to meet with a friend or two but it is usually a short night out. If its a client visiting he might go longer but that is more rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bars, very very rare. He’s more likely to meet up with a friend or two for dinner and have a drink or two there. But he’s not a huge drinker, nor am I.

Almost the same except my dh drinks quite a bit, he usually drinks at home more than the bar though. He will drink more at bars if we're on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Bars very rarely, if ever, unless there is a work happy hour. But he’s almost 50 - he certainly went out to bars with friends when we met in our twenties (and lived in the city). He’s more likely to meet at a restaurant that has a good selection of microbrews, but honestly this doesn’t happen more than every few months.

I don’t drink and hate bars. Most of my close friends aren’t local and I’m more likely to spend a couple hours on the phone catching up with friends than go out. I have a monthly book club and maybe once every couple of mo tags will meet up with a friend for coffee or dinner. I take walks with neighbor friends.

So clearly we are older homebodies but I’m surprised how much socializing PP’s do. Before we were balancing work and kids we did *a lot* more

[Anonymous]

^every couple of *months*

[Anonymous]

My husband would go out to happy hour once a month or so when he was in the office. He usually gets dinner or eats bar food while out and gets home for kids bedtime around 8pm.

I go out with my childless female friends 2-3x a month. I usually meet up after the kids are asleep - 9pm and come home around 12am. I try to limit skipping bedtime to 1x a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband would go out to happy hour once a month or so when he was in the office. He usually gets dinner or eats bar food while out and gets home for kids bedtime around 8pm.

I go out with my childless female friends 2-3x a month. I usually meet up after the kids are asleep - 9pm and come home around 12am. I try to limit skipping bedtime to 1x a month.

He hasn’t been in the office due to Covid in 20+ months. He drinks a beer and chats on Zoom from 6-7 every Wednesday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bars very rarely, if ever, unless there is a work happy hour. But he’s almost 50 - he certainly went out to bars with friends when we met in our twenties (and lived in the city). He’s more likely to meet at a restaurant that has a good selection of microbrews, but honestly this doesn’t happen more than every few months.

I don’t drink and hate bars. Most of my close friends aren’t local and I’m more likely to spend a couple hours on the phone catching up with friends than go out. I have a monthly book club and maybe once every couple of mo tags will meet up with a friend for coffee or dinner. I take walks with neighbor friends.

So clearly we are older homebodies but I’m surprised how much socializing PP’s do. Before we were balancing work and kids we did *a lot* more

Dh is mid 40s and goes with similar aged or older friends but it may happen two weekends in a row or once in two months. The bars or brewerys they go to are usually skewing older or higher end.