Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?

[Anonymous]

Going out once a week is normal.

Getting home at 3 a few times a year is normal.

Going to a strip club once every few years is normal.

Texting your former emotional affair partner is extremely abnormal… there should be zero, no, none, not at all contact!.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a gated community and have a couple of bars in the community. Occasionally we will go to weekly happy hour. DH will go to bar after a round of golf, we will go to pool bar for an early afternoon or sunset cocktail with friends.

He goes to a lot of meeting at hotel or restaurant bars.

Omg this is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.

What is depressing about it?

Np. This sounds great. People hate this kind of thing because they think it is uncultured but, honestly, letting go of being ‘hip’ and enjoying sunset drinks at the pool with neighborhood friends sounds wonderful.

I agree. Not quite retirement community yet, but drinks around the fire pit in a neighbor’s yard is my kind of night out in my 40s. I don’t have to get dressed up and it’s just me and my friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.

He is acting his you let him act.

Tell him exactly what you will or will not tolerate and put your big girl pants on and stick to your guns.

If not, don’t complain or feel sorry for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Midlife crisis. He needs a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.

Don’t knock strip clubs. We go as a couple sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a gated community and have a couple of bars in the community. Occasionally we will go to weekly happy hour. DH will go to bar after a round of golf, we will go to pool bar for an early afternoon or sunset cocktail with friends.

He goes to a lot of meeting at hotel or restaurant bars.

Where is this, if you don't mind me asking? Sounds like a good set up! Looking for something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for some validating messages above.

I saw the alert on the home screen so I unlocked the phone. It was just a message from Jill saying she had gone to bed early. He had deleted his own message to her, presumably inviting her out (at best).

I checked the visa bill. He went to a "gentleman's club" . (He confirmed when I asked by text.) I have never ever known him to go to such places. Dont understand why he is being so destructive to our marriage.

He is contrite but I am appalled.

What will it take for you to leave him? An std? An actual affair? Nothing? He is literally looking for other women to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a gated community and have a couple of bars in the community. Occasionally we will go to weekly happy hour. DH will go to bar after a round of golf, we will go to pool bar for an early afternoon or sunset cocktail with friends.

He goes to a lot of meeting at hotel or restaurant bars.

Omg this is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.

What is depressing about it?

Np. This sounds great. People hate this kind of thing because they think it is uncultured but, honestly, letting go of being ‘hip’ and enjoying sunset drinks at the pool with neighborhood friends sounds wonderful.

NP too - I am struggling to see how sunset drinks at the pool could be depressing. Sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.

Yeah, this is bs. He needs to get his kicks and have some excitement. I get that. Many people do. But he needs to find a way to do it that isn't disrespectful and destructive to relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going out once a week is normal.

Getting home at 3 a few times a year is normal.

Going to a strip club once every few years is normal.

Texting your former emotional affair partner is extremely abnormal… there should be zero, no, none, not at all contact!.

Omg. Once a week without the other spouse in a marriage is NOT normal.

Kids have activities and games on the weekends. We can get one date night in alone a week. If spouse chose to go out alone (aka to hook up or meet AP under the guise of weekly night with the game or guys)…yeah that marriage isn’t ending well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.

Yeah, this is bs. He needs to get his kicks and have some excitement. I get that. Many people do. But he needs to find a way to do it that isn't disrespectful and destructive to relationships.

m
He’s on the gateway to cheating if he hasn’t already. Guys in groups like that, a good many cheat and condone cheating. You are who you hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So many things are more sinister in South Carolina but especially a gated community. And yes I was born there.

They are all a little different. What is sinister about ours that I am no aware of?

PP is saying that you and your neighbors are racists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So many things are more sinister in South Carolina but especially a gated community. And yes I was born there.

They are all a little different. What is sinister about ours that I am no aware of?

PP is saying that you and your neighbors are racists.

Some are, some aren’t. We just don’t associate with those that are. Like anywhere else. Family one side is from Panama, family across from us is African American.

I think stereotyping people that live in gated communities as racist is a little extreme. We pay for security, it is more or less to keep people out, not one specific race. And by nature of the tourist crowd in the area that would be to keep mostly white people out. A good chunk for the homes are second homes. It is also nice to not have excess traffic on streets. My guess is that if it wasn’t an additional expense most people would prefer to have security and more amenities in their neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going out once a week is normal.

Getting home at 3 a few times a year is normal.

Going to a strip club once every few years is normal.

Texting your former emotional affair partner is extremely abnormal… there should be zero, no, none, not at all contact!.

Omg. Once a week without the other spouse in a marriage is NOT normal.

Kids have activities and games on the weekends. We can get one date night in alone a week. If spouse chose to go out alone (aka to hook up or meet AP under the guise of weekly night with the game or guys)…yeah that marriage isn’t ending well.

My girlfriend and I see each other once a week.

Sometimes I bring the kids and they play with her kids.

6 nights a week with my spouse is more than enough