Am I a bad parent beacause I don't care how my kids keep their rooms?

[Anonymous]

I have a no food rule. But I don't care if beds are made, clothes, toys etc are put away. I just view it as their space and if they don't want to have everything put away and picked up that's okay.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say you're a bad parent. I would say you and I don't share the same values. Often kids get overwhelmed and don't know HOW to clean up such a big mess, so they just leave it. It doesn't mean they don't wish it were a clean space.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

I talked to my therapist about it and their view is good parents don’t care about the room. (As long as there are no bugs or mold)

Controlling parents care about the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same way. they can't leave crap every where else though. Their rooms are about the only place they have control and I think it's okay if they are messy.

As a child my daughter's room was always awful until friends came over and she scrambled to make it presentable. She's an adult now who makes her bed and keeps her apartment very orderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say you're a bad parent. I would say you and I don't share the same values. Often kids get overwhelmed and don't know HOW to clean up such a big mess, so they just leave it. It doesn't mean they don't wish it were a clean space.

They know how to clean up, I focus on shared and communal spaces so that they do know how to clean up and organize things. and one of them is a bit tidier than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the same way. they can't leave crap every where else though. Their rooms are about the only place they have control and I think it's okay if they are messy.

As a child my daughter's room was always awful until friends came over and she scrambled to make it presentable. She's an adult now who makes her bed and keeps her apartment very orderly.

Yeah I don't allow them to leave trails and piles of their stuff through the rest of the house.

[Anonymous]

It drives me BATTY to see a messy bedroom. BATTY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talked to my therapist about it and their view is good parents don’t care about the room. (As long as there are no bugs or mold)

Controlling parents care about the bedroom.

I think this is why am like this my parents, mainly my dad were super controlling about our bedrooms, to the point of inspection and my siblings and I weren't leaving food around or even particularly messy, but they wanted beds made before we went to school etc. and it just felt super controlling to me.

[Anonymous]

I think I am a lax parent. I clean up their bedrooms every day. Make beds, pick up their clothes for laundry, pick up any dishes, empty the waste paper basket, dust, vacuum - every single day. I think they won't care, but I do care about a clean house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It drives me BATTY to see a messy bedroom. BATTY.

See to me this is a you issue.

[Anonymous]

I won’t call you a bad mom. As long as you don’t say I’m controlling for making sure my kids know how to clean and organize their things.

[Anonymous]

My kids are grown and gone. I had the same rules as you OP. I felt they needed to have a space that could be "theirs" but no food. I did have them do chores around the house and organize and clean up their messes in the family spaces. I encouraged them to make the bed and showed them that I like to start the day that way. One of their chores routinely would be clean your room- bi weekly or monthly? Not going to lie, I would go in, and do a deep cleaning-dusting, vacuuming, curtains, windows (because when they are younger they just don't care to clean as thoroughly as I would) 2-3 times a year without being nosy about their stuff. Especially in the fall when they went back to school. For my super messy kid, I'd just throw everything on the floor on the bed and say organize this or don't.

My children who were messy, can still sometimes be messy and cluttery. But as they grew, had friends over, went away to college they began to become more conscious of keeping their living space clean and organized.

[Anonymous]

You're mot a bad parent, but are you teaching your kids the basics of being organized and tidy? Will they go to college and be a nightmare roommate (honestly I was because my parents took your approach.)

It really took me into my mid-twenties to figure out how to keep my room neat and picked up. I would make a huge mess until I could't live like that and then do a massive clean up.

I did not learned the basics of everything having its place, and putting clothes in the hamper right away, of making my bed each morning and changing the sheets each week.

Also, I honestly think kids are less anxious in a less cluttered organized environment where they can find what they need when they want it.

[Anonymous]

No, I agree. I don't care how it looks either. If I'm in their room, I will make the bed because I'd like it to look nice while I'm in there with them. Periodically, I help them do some cleaning because it seems a little out of control. It has never been an issue for us, and I don't see it as a big deal either way.