Am I a bad parent beacause I don't care how my kids keep their rooms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? If they are under 8, then I think you should put more effort into helping them learn how to clean & organize their space.

If they 9 & older, then maybe just try to encourage them to tidy up?

I can't stand a messy room & I don't think it's good for mental health living in a pigsty. We have provided our kids with a nice room & furniture and they need to take care of it. Once they move out and have their own houses, they can keep it however they like. But that's just me.

Your kids are not you. What you think is a pigsty may not be to them, with the assumption it's just messy not dirty. I've seen some parents with such high standards it gives their children anxiety.

NP well my kids have a different definition of junk food, and too much screen time, and age appropriate entertainment too. I'm the parent, that's how it is. Kids need you to be the guide, the aren't born knowing how to keep their living areas tidy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a lax parent. I clean up their bedrooms every day. Make beds, pick up their clothes for laundry, pick up any dishes, empty the waste paper basket, dust, vacuum - every single day. I think they won't care, but I do care about a clean house.

"Lax" is not the word I'd use. Doing all this for your children is not good parenting at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a lax parent. I clean up their bedrooms every day. Make beds, pick up their clothes for laundry, pick up any dishes, empty the waste paper basket, dust, vacuum - every single day. I think they won't care, but I do care about a clean house.

"Lax" is not the word I'd use. Doing all this for your children is not good parenting at all.

The interpretation could lie on cultural differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a lax parent. I clean up their bedrooms every day. Make beds, pick up their clothes for laundry, pick up any dishes, empty the waste paper basket, dust, vacuum - every single day. I think they won't care, but I do care about a clean house.

"Lax" is not the word I'd use. Doing all this for your children is not good parenting at all.

The interpretation could lie on cultural differences.

Well, to me lax means maybe I'm not trying hard enough, whereas I think what she described is a destructive abdication of parental responsibilities. Doing all that for your capable kids is actually bad for them, not just lax parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? If they are under 8, then I think you should put more effort into helping them learn how to clean & organize their space.

If they 9 & older, then maybe just try to encourage them to tidy up?

I can't stand a messy room & I don't think it's good for mental health living in a pigsty. We have provided our kids with a nice room & furniture and they need to take care of it. Once they move out and have their own houses, they can keep it however they like. But that's just me.

Your kids are not you. What you think is a pigsty may not be to them, with the assumption it's just messy not dirty. I've seen some parents with such high standards it gives their children anxiety.

NP well my kids have a different definition of junk food, and too much screen time, and age appropriate entertainment too. I'm the parent, that's how it is. Kids need you to be the guide, the aren't born knowing how to keep their living areas tidy.

Very true when they are young. By the time they are teens, you need to give them some autonomy or they will not self-actualize.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a clean freak, always has been. I grew up that way. I am also a clean freak, always will be. My sister grew up in the same house and her room constantly looked like a bomb went off all the time. She is all grown up with a family. Her house looks like a bomb went off.

I don't think we have as much control over these things as we would like to think we do.

[Anonymous]

Re: being neat, I've seen no correlation between parent rules and how they were enforced, and how the future adult keeps their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a lax parent. I clean up their bedrooms every day. Make beds, pick up their clothes for laundry, pick up any dishes, empty the waste paper basket, dust, vacuum - every single day. I think they won't care, but I do care about a clean house.

"Lax" is not the word I'd use. Doing all this for your children is not good parenting at all.

The interpretation could lie on cultural differences.

Well, to me lax means maybe I'm not trying hard enough, whereas I think what she described is a destructive abdication of parental responsibilities. Doing all that for your capable kids is actually bad for them, not just lax parenting.

DP. What makes you so certain that it’s bad for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college friend said her parents never made her do chores. She had trouble adjusting and wishes her parents made her name her bed and clean her room.

But I assume she DID adjust, eventually? So it really doesn’t matter in the long run, right?