Do you check your teenagers’ texts / chats / social media accounts?

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I disagree about whether checking teen’s phone is reasonable parenting, so I would love to hear from others on this issue….

[Anonymous]

No, his conversations are private. The only social media he has is Twitter, he doesn’t have Snapchat, Instagram or tiktok.

[Anonymous]

What age are we talking about?
New to texting and 13- yes.
16- no, unless you have reason to really worry.

[Anonymous]

Maybe while they were 13? But not in high school- by that point they knew how to use their phones responsibly and we haven’t seen anything that made us feel it was necessary. I told my kids I don’t care if they curse in chatting with their friends.

[Anonymous]

No, I told my DD that I trusted her to make the right decisions. I would be livid if my parents did this. I try to treat my kids the same way. I do let them know what's unacceptable though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age are we talking about?
New to texting and 13- yes.
16- no, unless you have reason to really worry.

Agree with this. The maturity of a 13 year old, a 15 year old, and an 18 year old varies widely.

[Anonymous]

My 15 yo only talks to friends on snap, so I can’t see anything he says even if I wanted to.

[Anonymous]

I did for a year when son first got a phone. He is almost 15 and I haven’t for over a year and don’t intend to ever again…barring serious safety concerns, of course.

[Anonymous]

My 11 and 13 year olds, yes, but not constantly. Maybe once a week?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious what you parents of older teens think will tip you off to safety concerns. Do you think your child will have noticeable behavior changes? Do you think s/he will come to you if something is going on? Do you have parental controls on? Have you talked extensively about predators online? Do your children know that everything they do on that phone can and will be saved in perpetuity and possibly harm them in college or their professional life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo only talks to friends on snap, so I can’t see anything he says even if I wanted to.

Parent of the Year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what you parents of older teens think will tip you off to safety concerns. Do you think your child will have noticeable behavior changes? Do you think s/he will come to you if something is going on? Do you have parental controls on? Have you talked extensively about predators online? Do your children know that everything they do on that phone can and will be saved in perpetuity and possibly harm them in college or their professional life?

Please get medicated before your kids are teens. Your anxiety is out of control.

[Anonymous]

Parent of older teens here (almost 17 and 19).

when kids first got their phones, I checked. Now I do not (one of course doesn't even live at home anymore).

We did and still talk extensively about use of social media and the fact that anything on those apps can be saved and used against you by colleges, friends, co workers and employers.

I am not as worried about sexual predators as my kids do not meet strangers they met on the internet although we certainly discussed when they were younger about not giving out information to strangers like I'm home alone and my address.

Parenting is constant check in with them and us about issues, phone use isn't the most worrisome to older teens to be honest, and right now I'm more focused on not drinking and driving, consent, being a good friend when out, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what you parents of older teens think will tip you off to safety concerns. Do you think your child will have noticeable behavior changes? Do you think s/he will come to you if something is going on? Do you have parental controls on? Have you talked extensively about predators online? Do your children know that everything they do on that phone can and will be saved in perpetuity and possibly harm them in college or their professional life?

You are kidding, right?

[Anonymous]

My 16 yr old found someone to buy drugs from on Snapchat. He didn't get a phone until he was 13 and I monitored Snapchat for the first year or so. Just because you talk to them about drinking/drugs, etc doesn't mean they won't do it.