Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tra la la, drippings! I’m in Europe and you’re not! By the way, did you know “tra la la” in the European Language is “tra la la?” Tres fantastique!

I am so #BLESSED and honored to be here with my besties. We are working with Babylon River Cruises, where I am the featured storyteller, AKA I’m a BFD. The cruise line people - who are just the most ADORABLE SOULS - organize events and usher random passengers - dear, dear, dear old people from quaint places like Duluth and Chippewa Falls who have no idea who I am but they’ve been SUPER SWEET about posing for pictures with me. My fave is that one where I’m crouching front and center, throwing a gang sign, and squishing my piehole up like I’m about to give a BEEJ. BTW, you can still register for my OTHER CRUISE, where we’ll have our very own SEXPERT to talk with us about SEX and other SEXY things because we’re grown-ass damn women who can talk about SEX without blushing - much - and say the word damn. #FIESTY


It’s just such a SPECIAL TIME, bedazzled. I wish EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU were here to see it. These PRECIOUS seniors are being ushered into our storytelling sessions, where I tell stories about—what else—ME. Some of them seem a bit confused, but most are placated by the presence of free booze and snacks. It’s SO AMAZING what you can get people to agree to when they’re well-lubricated. Tee hee @thetylermerritproject

One of these DARLING older ladies asked me if I’ve ever met Joanna Gaines <green puke face emoji>, and you know what, droplets? There’s nothing to affirm the desperate dedication of my RIDE OR DIES like witnessing the tackling of a 70+-year-old woman wearing floral capris and New Balance tennies and dragging her from the room by her ankles. She’s FINE, droolings, and we’ve left a copy of Feed These People and a link to get herself a pair of LifeChoice shoes in her stateroom.

The best part about this week - other than doorways, doorways, doorways - has been the INCREDIBLE opportunity to hang with my besties. Well, that and the free booze, LOLZ. When you find those people who understand how to achieve the perfect balance of deference and friendship, you hang onto them and LOVE THEM HARD, even if it means convincing one of them to spring for plane tickets to Amsterdam instead of that dental work we all know she needs. #TrueFriendship

Notice how they envelop me in every photo, like protective MAMA BEARS. This makes me feel safe and protected because you know PEOPLE EVERYWHERE are clamoring to meet me - or at least stare at me quizzically in that “I know she’s SOMEONE, but I can’t quite place her. They’re totally not playing “Spot the Thirsty American Tourists” because we are SO blending in with our Yankees ball caps or Target tee shirts. We are WOMEN OF THE WORLD, and we have the questionable fashion choices to prove it.
More shenanigans to follow. I know you can’t wait.

Stay UNHINGED, darlings, and tag your people who would tackle an old lady for daring to utter the name of your nemesis out loud.

P.S. HEART AND COMMON if you think the next MeCamp should be in Chippewa Falls! I met a DARLING lady who has an Airbnb there that according to her, needs just a teensy bit of work. Think of the fun we could have with Instagram captions #TheChippewaFallsHatmakers #teehee #tralala #MeCamp

Best one yet! We have a GIFTED writer among us!

[Anonymous]

I would buy 100 “Tra-la-la” graphic t’s to see the email exchanges between Jane and Trevor renegotiating their dating contract.
#thatwouldbeDOPE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with that picture of people in the green tee shirts? That actually looks like a decent-sized crowd, although I can see them padding the picture with other people to make her look like more of a big deal, ha!

Also, since this is a snark thread, one of her friends is in some serious need of cosmetic dentistry.

My eyes go to that miniature tooth every time! I wonder if it doesn't bother her or she just doesn't have the nerve to tell Jen "Hey I really can't afford all these stupid trips that bolster your self esteem and I need to prioritize mine!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with that picture of people in the green tee shirts? That actually looks like a decent-sized crowd, although I can see them padding the picture with other people to make her look like more of a big deal, ha!

Also, since this is a snark thread, one of her friends is in some serious need of cosmetic dentistry.

My eyes go to that miniature tooth every time! I wonder if it doesn't bother her or she just doesn't have the nerve to tell Jen "Hey I really can't afford all these stupid trips that bolster your self esteem and I need to prioritize mine!"

I'm kind of new here & don't quite have all the dots connected on these friends. I know she's friends w/ Kristen Howerton and Sarah Bessy but this B group of less accomplished friends - or maybe it is more fair to say less in the spotlight friends - confuses me. I cannot imagine being so starstrutruck or intimidated by Jen Hatmaker that I'd be afraid to tell her I needed to sit a year out to fix my teeth. They look terrible and I'm no dentist but that is an easy, mostly painless, and not horribly expensive thing she could do for herself. Or maybe she doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Pleather= comedy goal! Please make her a recurring character!

[Anonymous]

Cruises, even inexpensive ones, are probably 2,000 easy. Meg, please sit one out and cap that baby!

[Anonymous]

Tyler’s latest update… it is a Happy Birthday post to Jen but also a health update from him.

[Anonymous]

Of course he made it about him. And needed to put it out there that he was sick during her me camp.

[Anonymous]

If a publicist didn't write that Instagram post, they at least reviewed it. It was totally about him and aside from that one "my man" reference, it could have been written about any platonic friend.

They are kicking the illusion on down the field for some reason prolly tied to a tour or some such thing they're selling together.

These people thrive off attention. I do not at all buy him taking some quiet time to deal with his health issues, esp. when he had time to "have his team" create those ridiculous tee shirts/tank tops/hoodies and engage with all the childless cat ladies who hearted and commented.

I guarn-damn-tee that there was some sort of mutually agreed thing on what she could and could not say b/c you know her gut reaction is to overshare. And, if she showed up to "surprise" him when he wasn't feeling well, I am absolutely sure he was annoyed AF

[Anonymous]

I usually agree with pretty much everything posted here about Jen, sass, etc - but am i the only one who doesn’t get all the outcry about her friend’s teeth and how she NEEDS to have them fixed because they are less than perfect? They actually look fine to me and also it seems mean (and not about Jen) and also, who cares? And about spending $ for the cruise instead, did those 4 “ride-or-dies” actually pay to go on this cruise or is it comped in exchange for posing for all the pics or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually agree with pretty much everything posted here about Jen, sass, etc - but am i the only one who doesn’t get all the outcry about her friend’s teeth and how she NEEDS to have them fixed because they are less than perfect? They actually look fine to me and also it seems mean (and not about Jen) and also, who cares? And about spending $ for the cruise instead, did those 4 “ride-or-dies” actually pay to go on this cruise or is it comped in exchange for posing for all the pics or something?

I don't get the hype about the teeth, either. Pretty shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually agree with pretty much everything posted here about Jen, sass, etc - but am i the only one who doesn’t get all the outcry about her friend’s teeth and how she NEEDS to have them fixed because they are less than perfect? They actually look fine to me and also it seems mean (and not about Jen) and also, who cares? And about spending $ for the cruise instead, did those 4 “ride-or-dies” actually pay to go on this cruise or is it comped in exchange for posing for all the pics or something?

As someone whose parents were too poor to afford braces and then later in adulthood I never saw the critical importance of spending the money on it (and instead chose to put that money into my kids' ortho treatments) - I'm fine with her teeth. I have two teeth like hers and I've managed to have a pretty good life. In my case, you have the money to do something but you can fail to see the actual need to do it.

[Anonymous]

Calling Jane Capstitcher for an update!

[Anonymous]

I just took a peek at Brandon's IG. The comparison in his HBD to Ben post to Jen's is sad. His was all about Ben and Jen's was all about herself. Also Brandon has a pretty strong Instagram Reel game. Maybe Jen should hire him to create content 😂

[Anonymous]

I just took a peek at Brandon's FB... but searched his name to locate him. Jen has not taken down any of the past love bombing, "We have the best marriage!", "We love each other so so much!", "We keep choosing each other...", "Brandon is the best father and my kids call him first for anything and everything!" posts. I find that odd....