Did your spouse ever emotionally or verbally abuse you?

[Anonymous]

Did you evert get it to stop?

My husband of 7 years has become emotionally and verbally abusive over the past 2 years. An example from last night:

We have been discussing having children for a while but we have not been able to due to a lower HHI. Lately we are finally making money and my clock is ticking so I am eager to get started. He seems to completely forget about it or it is not a priority. He always says yes ok and then...we havent started trying.

Yesterday he was cutting some vegetables and preparing dinner when I felt sad and asked him if he really ever wanted kids. He gets angry and responds with a sharp, " I don't want to do this right now."

Whenever I try to talk about subjects that are important to me he shuts me down like that. Irritated, I continue and say I feel like he is stringing me along as I am already 34 and I have waited a long time to have children. I say that if this continues I may have no choice but to move on.
He is now visibly angry and he tells me sharply, " OK. No dinner for you! You can make your own dinner! That was not ok" and slips in his headphones and ignores me.

I shut up and leave to go buy my own dinner.

We do not speak the rest of the evening and nor this morning.

I feel like I am being shut down.

[Anonymous]

You are experiencing passive-aggressive BS.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want kids with him again?

[Anonymous]

I say this with love and no snark: you do not want to have children with this man. Split now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want kids with him again?

Because when he isnt being like this he is pretty good. And he now makes good money. We have history and loved one another. Now I don't even know due to how he talks to me,

[Anonymous]

Anything that was bad before kids gets to be about a dozen times worse when kids arrive. They're a joy and a lot of work and a big stressor for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with love and no snark: you do not want to have children with this man. Split now.

100% this OP

[Anonymous]

Oh yes. And he does it to our oldest child as well.

[Anonymous]

The way you initiated the conversation was pretty aggressive. When he said now was not a good time to discuss it, you continued on and threatened divorce. How did you expect him to react?

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want kids. It’s obvious. You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker. How often does he treat you like this when the subject isn’t kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with love and no snark: you do not want to have children with this man. Split now.

100%. It’s been 7 years. Hopefully you have 50 left. Cut your losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way you initiated the conversation was pretty aggressive. When he said now was not a good time to discuss it, you continued on and threatened divorce. How did you expect him to react?

Well...to be honest, he NEVER thinks its a "good time". I probably was aggressive but I am fed up and tired of waiting for something that is so important to me. He always said he wanted kids so I am confused about the stalling. And he isn't eager to seriously address it with me or make a plan.

[Anonymous]

This is not emotional or verbal abuse. This is a couple who have a deep difference in priorities, coping strategies and communication. Also your timing is not good. Maybe set up a time to talk about it not as a complaint where you are asking him to do emotional labor but as a problem solving session in which you will need to first understand your own action points and be prepared to follow through. Counseling may make it easier to get to a resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t want kids. It’s obvious. You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker. How often does he treat you like this when the subject isn’t kids?

Hmmm whenever I want to talk about something that he finds stressful or challenging to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way you initiated the conversation was pretty aggressive. When he said now was not a good time to discuss it, you continued on and threatened divorce. How did you expect him to react?

Well...to be honest, he NEVER thinks its a "good time". I probably was aggressive but I am fed up and tired of waiting for something that is so important to me. He always said he wanted kids so I am confused about the stalling. And he isn't eager to seriously address it with me or make a plan.

You're making excuses for him