Did your spouse ever emotionally or verbally abuse you?

[Anonymous]

Both you and your DH have room for improvement in this example. You need to respect his boundaries when he says now isn’t a good time to talk. You both need to learn more about each other’s communication styles. My DH for instance hates surprise heavy convos, so I give him a heads up and we schedule
Something. Or sometimes we communicate heavy things via email so he has time
To gather his thoughts.

[Anonymous]

You've posted about this before. We all told you to get out bevause he didn't want kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you evert get it to stop?

My husband of 7 years has become emotionally and verbally abusive over the past 2 years. An example from last night:

We have been discussing having children for a while but we have not been able to due to a lower HHI. Lately we are finally making money and my clock is ticking so I am eager to get started. He seems to completely forget about it or it is not a priority. He always says yes ok and then...we havent started trying.

Yesterday he was cutting some vegetables and preparing dinner when I felt sad and asked him if he really ever wanted kids. He gets angry and responds with a sharp, " I don't want to do this right now."

Whenever I try to talk about subjects that are important to me he shuts me down like that. Irritated, I continue and say I feel like he is stringing me along as I am already 34 and I have waited a long time to have children. I say that if this continues I may have no choice but to move on.
He is now visibly angry and he tells me sharply, " OK. No dinner for you! You can make your own dinner! That was not ok" and slips in his headphones and ignores me.

I shut up and leave to go buy my own dinner.

We do not speak the rest of the evening and nor this morning.

I feel like I am being shut down.

That is certainly controlling and manipulative behavior. I know your "clock is ticking" but if he's acting like this now, with the stress of small children, I'd think twice about procreating with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with love and no snark: you do not want to have children with this man. Split now.

100% this OP

This. This. And more this.

[Anonymous]

She physically abuses me. When I’m behind her during $ex, she reaches under and squeezes my family jewels so hard, I almost pass out. She tugs on them and the pain is excruciating.

[Anonymous]

Answer to original question. Every day. Twenty plus years abs still trying to extract myself. Don’t ask for deals but wish I had listened to my gut all those years ago .....

[Anonymous]

Don’t ask for details is what I means to say ....

[Anonymous]

I would not choose to procreate w/anyone who talked to me like that.

[Anonymous]

Don't have any kids. I was the kid whose parents behaved like that. I wanted to leave at age 8 and thought I could walk to grandma's house 10 miles away. I hate both of my parents and I don't mind if I never see them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way you initiated the conversation was pretty aggressive. When he said now was not a good time to discuss it, you continued on and threatened divorce. How did you expect him to react?

+1.

You are the emotionally and verbally abusive one here.

Your DH is passive agressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threats of divorce, not veiled, are pretty abusive, basically they are the nuclear option in a marital disagreement.

+1.

OP, these other PPs are missing the point. Your DH and you don't know how to communicate.

It's pretty clear that your DH gets anxious when you bring up conversations that are very important/very heavy. So his lame strategy is to avoid, avoid, procastinate the conversation.

And you are anxious too. So your strategy is to threaten with divorce. You guys should have been in therapy a long time ago. And you should go to therapy if you want to stay. If you don't want to stay, leave. Stop threatening divorce left and right. How many times have you threatened him with divorce already? You are trying to be manipulative, and it is having the opposite effect of what you intended.

[Anonymous]

PLEASE do not have children with this non-adult. Your desire to have children doesn’t trump their existence in a loving home. It will not be loving when they challenge him. Cut your losses now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this with love and no snark: you do not want to have children with this man. Split now.

This. And I don't mean it meanly, either. But having kids exponentially increases these types of stresses and interactions. And then there's a child (or children) that you need to protect from the dysfunction. Not just yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threats of divorce, not veiled, are pretty abusive, basically they are the nuclear option in a marital disagreement.

+1.

OP, these other PPs are missing the point. Your DH and you don't know how to communicate.

It's pretty clear that your DH gets anxious when you bring up conversations that are very important/very heavy. So his lame strategy is to avoid, avoid, procastinate the conversation.

And you are anxious too. So your strategy is to threaten with divorce. You guys should have been in therapy a long time ago. And you should go to therapy if you want to stay. If you don't want to stay, leave. Stop threatening divorce left and right. How many times have you threatened him with divorce already? You are trying to be manipulative, and it is having the opposite effect of what you intended.

More likely she’s trying different things to get him to respond normally. Shock tactic doesn’t work.

And perhaps it’s not a threat. She knows inside that his stonewalling and lack of verbal communication skills are damaging the relationship, marriage and future.

He sounds on the spectrum and won’t ever communicate well. Among other deficits.

Unwind this marriage stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threats of divorce, not veiled, are pretty abusive, basically they are the nuclear option in a marital disagreement.

+1.

OP, these other PPs are missing the point. Your DH and you don't know how to communicate.

It's pretty clear that your DH gets anxious when you bring up conversations that are very important/very heavy. So his lame strategy is to avoid, avoid, procastinate the conversation.

And you are anxious too. So your strategy is to threaten with divorce. You guys should have been in therapy a long time ago. And you should go to therapy if you want to stay. If you don't want to stay, leave. Stop threatening divorce left and right. How many times have you threatened him with divorce already? You are trying to be manipulative, and it is having the opposite effect of what you intended.

More likely she’s trying different things to get him to respond normally. Shock tactic doesn’t work.

And perhaps it’s not a threat. She knows inside that his stonewalling and lack of verbal communication skills are damaging the relationship, marriage and future.

He sounds on the spectrum and won’t ever communicate well. Among other deficits.

Unwind this marriage stat.

So she is seeking a "normal" response by behaving "abnormally". .. We can all see how that is working out for her. Yes, his stonewalling, lack of verbal communication skills are damaging the relationship. So are her meaningless threats.