Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?

[Anonymous]

Large family with adult siblings scattered across the country. One brother gets engaged and plans to marry soon, before some of the more distant siblings will meet the fiance. One sister (lives on the complete opposite end of the country) will not be able to fly in until the night before the wedding. She has not had a chance to meet the bride yet and wants to ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks after the wedding reception (ends around 8 pm) so she can get to know the bride better.

If it matters, this is a somewhat religious family where couples don't have sex before marriage, so the "wedding night" is pretty...important. Is it appropriate to be "put out" if the newlyweds would rather head to their honeymoon suite instead of going out for drinks with the siblings?

[Anonymous]

It’s rude don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

No. That is not acceptable. If the bride and groom want to do that they can plan for it.

This sibling should fly in earlier if they want more time with the bride and groom

[Anonymous]

Everything else aside, they will be exhausted and will not want to be "on" for the sibling and it will seem rude to any other out of towner who does not get enough time with them. They should linger at the brunch the next day and play a war of attrition with aunt suzie to not leave, and then over coffee chat a little more.

[Anonymous]

You know the answer OP, that sister is in thr wrong. You just want to be a mean girl and post this on her so you can laugh at the things posters say about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Large family with adult siblings scattered across the country. One brother gets engaged and plans to marry soon, before some of the more distant siblings will meet the fiance. One sister (lives on the complete opposite end of the country) will not be able to fly in until the night before the wedding. She has not had a chance to meet the bride yet and wants to ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks after the wedding reception (ends around 8 pm) so she can get to know the bride better.

If it matters, this is a somewhat religious family where couples don't have sex before marriage, so the "wedding night" is pretty...important. Is it appropriate to be "put out" if the newlyweds would rather head to their honeymoon suite instead of going out for drinks with the siblings?

WTAF? No you don’t ask newlyweds for drinks after the reception.

Have the far flung sister fly earlier or have a zoom happy hour. Not sure why siblings need to be friends with the bride right away anyways; I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation alone with my SIL. If you were really that close a family, you would have already gotten to know her naturally.

[Anonymous]

Zero percent chance that is acceptable. They will be exhausted. Try for lunch the next day?

[Anonymous]

Totally not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

No, just because they'll be really tired, and excited for their wedding night. I would not ask that of a newlywed couple. Your sister thinks only about herself, and that's rude.

[Anonymous]

Ha, this is what we did after our wedding! It was fun and we still had plenty of energy for sex later.

I can think of a couple of other wedding people who did the same this is also up in Massachusetts so maybe a cultural difference.

She can ask but don't throw a fit if they decline.

[Anonymous]

Totally unacceptable. The sister can fly in earlier if she feels the need to spend some time with the bride, but even a few days before the wedding may be stressful. Sister needs to get over herself, she doesn’t get to vet her brother’s spouse and if she really cares about getting to know her new SIL she would have come to town for a visit before.

[Anonymous]

She’s basically asking the couple to give her their full attention after the wedding reception when there will still be many other guests around. That’s rude and presumptuous. She could ask if they want to do something the day after if she wants personal time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, this is what we did after our wedding! It was fun and we still had plenty of energy for sex later.

I can think of a couple of other wedding people who did the same this is also up in Massachusetts so maybe a cultural difference.

She can ask but don't throw a fit if they decline.

Personally I would be irritated if somebody even asked. I know some people think it’s okay to ask for anything and it is on the one being asked to say no and not be bothered about it, but a lot of people don’t like being put in the position of having to say no to something.

Hinting, however, is a different story.

[Anonymous]

We had an after party after our wedding for the younger crew. Dh and I weren’t virgins though and were interested in seeing our friends. We still had an amazing wedding night. We also met everyone for a large brunch the next morning.