Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?

[Anonymous]

This is a classic example of Askers vs. Guessers:

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/

I would be fine with being asked, and I would also not hesitate to say no if I didn't want to do it. I do think this is a high likelihood "no" scenario. But to me, why not ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks? It's an invitation, not a dunning notice. You just have to completely accept any version of no for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that is rude.

Also, to me, it's contrived in a way. I'm sure they've been dating at least a few months, maybe a year? Any this person hasn't seen their sibling or met their fiancee in that whole time? Are they even close? Will they even come in contact again for years/months after the wedding? WHy does the sister have to "get to know" her new sister in law?

Perhaps you've heard of the current pandemic...?

[Anonymous]

How about lunch the day after the wedding?

[Anonymous]

If you know the bride and she told you about this it sounds like may be she's a bit frustrated. Does her fiance want to say yes to this?

[Anonymous]

We might see a post later about how rude the bride and groom were to not have drinks with one sister after the reception.

[Anonymous]

Totally unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh I first read this as the night AFTER their wedding - like marry on Fri, drinks Sat, and it seemed fine. The night OF their wedding, if this is going to be their first time, you know, doing it - that seems...off. They'll be tired and want to spend time alone, not using emotional and social energy to make a good impression on siblings.

I guess it depends on how extraverted the couple is too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, this is what we did after our wedding! It was fun and we still had plenty of energy for sex later.

I can think of a couple of other wedding people who did the same this is also up in Massachusetts so maybe a cultural difference.

She can ask but don't throw a fit if they decline.

Please don't ask. You can get to know the bride over the lifetime of the bride and groom or the marriage. No one needs to get to know your sorry ass, sister, unless you are signing over couple of million dollars to the bride and groom because you have only a few weeks to live.

[Anonymous]

My friend who waited until marriage had a reception that ended at 3pm. You have never seen someone leave a wedding reception so fast.

There is NO WAY the couple will agree to this.

[Anonymous]

Lol I thought you meant the evening after as in, wedding is a Saturday and you wanted to go out for a drink on Sunday. And I was thinking, eh, they’re not gonna want to do that, don’t ask.

But as soon as the reception is over?!?! That’s not something anyone would dream of asking and if someone did, it will be all the bride can think of every time she sees that family member for the next 30 years. “Oh my SIL Allison who wanted us to go out for a private drink with her as soon as our wedding reception ended!!!”

[Anonymous]

My ILs talked me into an early breakfast the morning after ours and I totally regretted it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of Askers vs. Guessers:

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/

I would be fine with being asked, and I would also not hesitate to say no if I didn't want to do it. I do think this is a high likelihood "no" scenario. But to me, why not ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks? It's an invitation, not a dunning notice. You just have to completely accept any version of no for an answer.

Because it puts them on the spot and not everyone is comfortable saying no to their fiancé’s sister who they have never even met. It’s rude to put someone on the spot. Unless you know for SURE they are fine saying no. And this sister has never met the bride so she doesn’t know.

And even if you know they’re fine with saying no- don’t ask such a ridiculous request anyways!!! Still rude! It’s like a grown man asking his kids 18 year old babysitter if she wants to give him a blow job. Even if he is fine with hearing “no”, that’s still not an appropriate thing to do and will leave quite the lasting impression.

This scenario is similar but, clearly, on a lesser scale.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not acceptable.

How do you feel, OP? Better? Justified? Satisfied? Smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of Askers vs. Guessers:

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/

I would be fine with being asked, and I would also not hesitate to say no if I didn't want to do it. I do think this is a high likelihood "no" scenario. But to me, why not ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks? It's an invitation, not a dunning notice. You just have to completely accept any version of no for an answer.

Because it puts them on the spot and not everyone is comfortable saying no to their fiancé’s sister who they have never even met. It’s rude to put someone on the spot. Unless you know for SURE they are fine saying no. And this sister has never met the bride so she doesn’t know.

And even if you know they’re fine with saying no- don’t ask such a ridiculous request anyways!!! Still rude! It’s like a grown man asking his kids 18 year old babysitter if she wants to give him a blow job. Even if he is fine with hearing “no”, that’s still not an appropriate thing to do and will leave quite the lasting impression.

This scenario is similar but, clearly, on a lesser scale.

PP here. You don't ask the fiancée. You ask the brother! Yes, I think a sister can invite the brother to do drinks after the wedding with his then-wife, and the brother can say no.

[Anonymous]

Not, absolutely not acceptable.

I did this with my family because I knew they were crazy, and we planned to have our honeymoon later anyhow.

If you want them to placate you because it's easier than stirring that pot of crazy, then go for it.