Asperger marriage

[Anonymous]

Anyone married to a spouse with Aspergers? How do you cope?

[Anonymous]

I divorced. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced. Seriously.

Did you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced. Seriously.

Did you have kids?

Yes - 2 boys and we are co-parenting. He was an active and involved dad during marriage - almost to the point of shutting me out especially with older son. I actually have more time and emotional space to mother my kids even though they’re with me 50% of the time. As they get older, I will talk to them about neuro differences and their father.

I’m assuming you’re a woman? Google “Cassandra syndrome.” Actually regardless of gender you’ll probably find it very helpful!

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married 10 years and 8 have been just awful I’d say. I’m staying until DS is older as DH has really poor parenting abilities. I feel this is easier than fighting to make his visits supervised. DH got a de facto diagnosis when DS got his official of the same but DH refuses to believe or address it. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I mentally checked out years ago as a way to preserve my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Is he diagnosed or are you diagnosing him?

[Anonymous]

My spouse is diagnosed with ASD, depression and anxiety. OP - h3et DH (assuming) on medication stat if there are comorbidities. AFAIK ASD isn't medicated, but if there's other dx like above or OCD, ADHD, etc. then take those pills. He'll need a psychiatrist and therapist. For it to have gone on so long undetected might indicate some childhood or family trauma and dysfunction.

PP who mentioned Cassandra syndrome is right. You also need to take care of yourself and your kids. Seek out individual therapy if you think you need it. We used to do couples therapy, but even the therapist agreed it was a waste of time and dropped us.

My kids are too young for therapy, but that's something we might revisit as they get older. We got them screened for ASD because tbecause there's a strong genetic component. So far it doesn't seem they have it. I am basically taking care of the kids 100%, even though we live with their father. He does spend time with them, but it is supervised and scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is diagnosed with ASD, depression and anxiety. OP - h3et DH (assuming) on medication stat if there are comorbidities. AFAIK ASD isn't medicated, but if there's other dx like above or OCD, ADHD, etc. then take those pills. He'll need a psychiatrist and therapist. For it to have gone on so long undetected might indicate some childhood or family trauma and dysfunction.

PP who mentioned Cassandra syndrome is right. You also need to take care of yourself and your kids. Seek out individual therapy if you think you need it. We used to do couples therapy, but even the therapist agreed it was a waste of time and dropped us.

My kids are too young for therapy, but that's something we might revisit as they get older. We got them screened for ASD because tbecause there's a strong genetic component. So far it doesn't seem they have it. I am basically taking care of the kids 100%, even though we live with their father. He does spend time with them, but it is supervised and scheduled.

So has him being on meds made life significantly better for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is diagnosed with ASD, depression and anxiety. OP - h3et DH (assuming) on medication stat if there are comorbidities. AFAIK ASD isn't medicated, but if there's other dx like above or OCD, ADHD, etc. then take those pills. He'll need a psychiatrist and therapist. For it to have gone on so long undetected might indicate some childhood or family trauma and dysfunction.

PP who mentioned Cassandra syndrome is right. You also need to take care of yourself and your kids. Seek out individual therapy if you think you need it. We used to do couples therapy, but even the therapist agreed it was a waste of time and dropped us.

My kids are too young for therapy, but that's something we might revisit as they get older. We got them screened for ASD because tbecause there's a strong genetic component. So far it doesn't seem they have it. I am basically taking care of the kids 100%, even though we live with their father. He does spend time with them, but it is supervised and scheduled.

So has him being on meds made life significantly better for you?

Let's not go overboard. Life has become bearable. We were on the way to divide and searching for every possible way to save the marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP - what is your situation? Do you have kids? Are you in therapy? How long have you had a term / understanding for your DH's brain chemistry and behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your situation? Do you have kids? Are you in therapy? How long have you had a term / understanding for your DH's brain chemistry and behavior?

OP here. We’ve been married 10 years, currently separated with one child. When we were dating my father told me he suspected DH was autistic (my dad works with autism patients frequently). I was in love and brushed it off. DH was also on his best behavior back then. Now that life’s responsibilities have increased he is too challenging to live with. Zeros in on a specific interest which I am not a part of, and just lives in front of his computer in his office all day. It was becoming extremely lonely. In addition he has high irritability towards me as he ages. I couldn’t imagine living forever like this so asked for separation to have space to figure things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married to a spouse with Aspergers? How do you cope?

Cope with what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married to a spouse with Aspergers? How do you cope?

Asperger’s is no longer a diagnosis. Is your spouse diagnosed with ASD level 1?

[Anonymous]

OP, what part of the spectrum is DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced. Seriously.

Did you have kids?

Yes - 2 boys and we are co-parenting. He was an active and involved dad during marriage - almost to the point of shutting me out especially with older son. I actually have more time and emotional space to mother my kids even though they’re with me 50% of the time. As they get older, I will talk to them about neuro differences and their father.

I’m assuming you’re a woman? Google “Cassandra syndrome.” Actually regardless of gender you’ll probably find it very helpful!

NP here. You have no idea how helpful this is, thank you.