*tw child loss*: what to say to someone who lost a child?

[Anonymous]

I live in a small town. A family recently lost their 4 year old. It was sudden and tragic.

Like I said, this is a small town. I know the family but only as distant acquaintances. They’ve asked for privacy and I have no reached out, nor will I.

However, I am bound to run into them eventually. If it’s next month…what do I say? What if it’s not for couple months? Several?

Do I still say “sorry?” Act pleasant as natural?

I appreciate any guidance. I do not want to say the wrong thing.

[Anonymous]

Offer sincere condolences and a positive memory you have of their child.

[Anonymous]

A distant acquaintance, I would just be as kind and gentle as possible when running into them…no need to put them on the spot with an apology.

[Anonymous]

Send a card if you want to but leave them alone. If you see them, wait for them to bring it up or just say I'm sorry for your loss and is there anything you can do to help.

[Anonymous]

Say the name of their lost child. I’ve heard people say this is important.

[Anonymous]

"I was so sorry to hear about Jimmy's death. My heart goes out to you. Is there anything I can do for you? I noticed Jenny goes to the same dance studio as my Janie, and I'd be happy to carpool the girls if you'd like."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A distant acquaintance, I would just be as kind and gentle as possible when running into them…no need to put them on the spot with an apology.

This. If they mention it, respond. Otherwise be respectful of their privacy and just behave normally.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. I am specifically asking what to do when I see them in the grocery store, or the playground for example.

Act normal? Bring it up?

I will say her name. I know that is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A distant acquaintance, I would just be as kind and gentle as possible when running into them…no need to put them on the spot with an apology.

This. If they mention it, respond. Otherwise be respectful of their privacy and just behave normally.

So just, oh hello!...and ignore it?

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely acknowledge it - with a quick story about their child if you have one - but immediately follow it up with something else so they don't feel obligated to respond to your sympathy. Sometimes people will want to talk about it and sometimes they don't. But it always feels good to know other people are thinking of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely acknowledge it - with a quick story about their child if you have one - but immediately follow it up with something else so they don't feel obligated to respond to your sympathy. Sometimes people will want to talk about it and sometimes they don't. But it always feels good to know other people are thinking of your child.

As a parent who has lost a child, I think this depends.

I want to hear that people remember my child. I want to hear people say his name.

But at the same time, I also want some privacy and some space for my other kids. Because of covid, there are people who normally I would have run into often, who I haven't seen since my son died. When I see someone for the first time, at a soccer game or the grocery store, I don't really want it brought up.

So if there's some privacy, then say "I was so sorry to hear about Henry. I've been thinking about you and Leroy and the kids. (or praying for you and Leroy and the kids, if you know me from church or have some reason to be sure about my religious beliefs)." But otherwise if it's not someone you are close enough to that you sent a card, or went to the service, then you don't need to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A distant acquaintance, I would just be as kind and gentle as possible when running into them…no need to put them on the spot with an apology.

This. If they mention it, respond. Otherwise be respectful of their privacy and just behave normally.

So just, oh hello!...and ignore it?

No, more like “Hi, how are you doing?” instead of “Let’s address the topic of your dead child”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely acknowledge it - with a quick story about their child if you have one - but immediately follow it up with something else so they don't feel obligated to respond to your sympathy. Sometimes people will want to talk about it and sometimes they don't. But it always feels good to know other people are thinking of your child.

As a parent who has lost a child, I think this depends.

I want to hear that people remember my child. I want to hear people say his name.

But at the same time, I also want some privacy and some space for my other kids. Because of covid, there are people who normally I would have run into often, who I haven't seen since my son died. When I see someone for the first time, at a soccer game or the grocery store, I don't really want it brought up.

So if there's some privacy, then say "I was so sorry to hear about Henry. I've been thinking about you and Leroy and the kids. (or praying for you and Leroy and the kids, if you know me from church or have some reason to be sure about my religious beliefs)." But otherwise if it's not someone you are close enough to that you sent a card, or went to the service, then you don't need to say anything.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for the input.

I anticipate running into them sometime, and I really didn't know them personally, but many people have been affected by this tragic loss. It feels weird to not say anything beyond "hello!"...but I also want to be as kind as possible.

[Anonymous]

“Hi there; I have been thinking of you all so much. How are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely acknowledge it - with a quick story about their child if you have one - but immediately follow it up with something else so they don't feel obligated to respond to your sympathy. Sometimes people will want to talk about it and sometimes they don't. But it always feels good to know other people are thinking of your child.

As a parent who has lost a child, I think this depends.

I want to hear that people remember my child. I want to hear people say his name.

But at the same time, I also want some privacy and some space for my other kids. Because of covid, there are people who normally I would have run into often, who I haven't seen since my son died. When I see someone for the first time, at a soccer game or the grocery store, I don't really want it brought up.

So if there's some privacy, then say "I was so sorry to hear about Henry. I've been thinking about you and Leroy and the kids. (or praying for you and Leroy and the kids, if you know me from church or have some reason to be sure about my religious beliefs)." But otherwise if it's not someone you are close enough to that you sent a card, or went to the service, then you don't need to say anything.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for the input.

I anticipate running into them sometime, and I really didn't know them personally, but many people have been affected by this tragic loss. It feels weird to not say anything beyond "hello!"...but I also want to be as kind as possible.

PP here, I'm changing my answer.

If someone who I don't know personally came up to me and talked about my dead child, it would feel invasive. If this is someone you wouldn't have said more than "hello" to before, or whose child you wouldn't have addressed by name, then I would respect their privacy.