Yearly vacations with adult children
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Anonymous
| My husband and I would like to begin a tradition of a yearly get away with our soon to be adult children. Our past vacations have been more road trip or travel abroads. We realize that with summer internships for our college aged children, these extended road trips aren’t realistic for the entire family anymore. I’m looking for ideas that have worked for you once your children have reached adulthood. Any ideas welcome. |
Anonymous
| Young adults typically do not have much vacation time and are low on the totem pole for scheduling peak times. They also may not want to spend it vacationing with you (or they may be thrilled to). If I were to do this...I would leave the dates to them. Also if you are not covering all costs, let them know that from the start. |
Anonymous
| It will probably work better when they’re over 25. In general I would make sure they have a major say in the type of vacation. You could throw ideas out or a budget and brainstorm together. If the kids disagree alternate who gets final say. Also, make sure not to act like they should be overcome with gratitude! They will hopefully be polite of course but they are doing you a favor as much if not more than you are them (assuming you are paying.) -just got back from my 20th trip with husband’s family. |
Anonymous
This. I would keep your expectations low, OP. Maybe plan to come to them where they are and do a staycation or driving getaway. Young adults simply do not have enough vacation time to spend a lot of time getting to destinations. Especially if you are also expecting them to come home for winter holidays. |
Anonymous
+1 Also, once you have grandkids - don’t take one set golfing (for example), and offer to “do a puzzle” with the other set (who wants to join you, golfing - and enjoys golf). |
Anonymous
| Weekend getaways or long weekend getaways. |
Anonymous
Expectations are kept low about how much or whether they can attend you all expenses paid vacation (due to work and time off commitments), don't expect them to be overly grateful (all fine so far), but adult children should have "a major say in the type of vacation" in an all expenses paid vacation and they're doing mom & dad a favor? Hope you're not my future DIL. |
Anonymous
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Once they partner up, there will be other families to vacation/spend holidays/visits with. So keep your expectations low and flexible.
“We’re getting a beach house in Fenwick next summer, and we’d love it if you could join us for a few days.” Or whatever. Plan the vacation YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND want, then invite them along. If they can make it great; if not, fine. |
Anonymous
These are really tough to make happen. My two young adult kids both have weekend work obligations. And, with their limited vacation time, they have other interests they want to pursue. We get a day here and there and make the best of it. If it's more than that, usually it's a Friday and Saturday or Sunday and Monday. I don't expect this to change for awhile. |
Anonymous
NP. Here’s what: my ILs love to do rustic cottage vacations where you have to bring your own freaking sheets and toilet paper and groceries. It’s WORK. My husband and I bring the kids and make time for it because we value spending time with them. We show up, we are pleasant, and we say thank you. But we don’t fall all over ourselves with gratitude because frankly, it’s so much work and it’s not the way we would prefer to spend our vacation time. It’s honestly a favor to them that we are willing to spend our precious vacation days in this way. Like, it’s just packing up all your crap and living somewhere else and, as that Onion article so beautifully put it, “doing chores in closer proximity to a a body of water.” And we’ve treated ILs on *our preferred* vacations, but they seem to feel uncomfortable because of what they perceive to be exorbitant expense (a few restaurant meals, museum and theater tickets, and a mid-range hotel—gasp). It’s not worth it to bring them along when they freaking gasp over every little thing. So we end up going along with whatever their plans are. |
Anonymous
| We’ve done it every year. Now we have grandkids. It’s great. Sometimes we go as a large group, sometimes we go with each child and family. They also take trips with just their families or as a couple and we babysit. |
Anonymous
This. Ones that are easy for them to get to from where they live/work. If they live out of state, I'd spend your time and money visiting their new area and getting to know their life out there. I spent much of my 20s going to friend's weddings, so I wouldn't have had a lot of time for family vacations! |
Anonymous
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I like traveling with my parents, and have done it a few times. We also have a pretty standard beach trip that has become pretty annual (covid threw it for a loop though).
But if my parents tried to start an "annual trip" - that would make me really uncomfortable. I can't commit to something like that indefinitely. I couldn't in my 20s, I can't now in my 30s. You don't know where you'll be working, where you'll be living, who you'll be dating, what your financial situation will be like, what your vacation day options will be like, or what you'll even want. Add in the potential for marriage and kids (and other people's weddings! The year I was 26 I went to SEVEN out of town weddings!) and it's just too much to fathom. So - I would leave the concept of "annual" out of it - and just ask them to go on vacation with you. Go, have fun, and then go from there. You can always propose another one for the next year. But don't put your kid in a position of making a commitment to an annual trip - as a 20-30 something, that's a HUGE, and nearly impossible, commitment. And if you set it up like that, I'd be less likely to go at all because I wouldn't want to set up unreasonable expectations. Even if it does work out, they like it, and you go most years - it will be most years, not all. That has to be okay. |
Anonymous
We can afford our own awesome vacations and have limited time off we’d prefer to spend in places we enjoy so if my in-laws want us all to travel for a day to a hot as blazes golf resort when none of us like hot weather or golf then yes, I’m polite but not overcome with gratitude. I’m not your future DIL because I already have my own wheedling MIL. |
Anonymous
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We aren't young adults anymore - but renting houses in nice places, has been a good way to vacation with my parents. It allows for some flexibility in how the days go, how many days people come, etc.
You know better than we do how much time off your kids have or whether they can drive or fly or things like that. |