Youngish Spouse- Chronic Illness
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Anonymous
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Spare me the 'in sickness and in health' beatdown. We all know it and we all know there are 1000 variations of what that means. There's helping your spouse after they have their wisdom teeth pulled and theres dealing with a years long, dbilitating illness that causes huge strain on finances, the family's well being, and your own health.
My spouse was recently diagnosed with RA, after literally 6 years of countless episodes of being in intermittent excrutiating pain. I'm talking about 5-10 day spells in bed on opiods, every 4-6 months. They were tested for Lyme, Lupus, and every autoimmune disorder you can name. Maybe 400 vials of blood drawn over the years? They are 47. I don't think I can do this anymore. Certainly can't for another 20 years. Three young kids I'm rasising almost on my own. Full time job. At what point can I leave? |
Anonymous
| wow, this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum |
Anonymous
| You can leave at any point you want but don’t expect somebody to make you feel okay about it. |
Anonymous
| Just leave. Seriously. As a youngish person with two children who is also learning to live with a late-stage cancer diagnosis after finishing a year of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation, I would want my spouse to leave if they felt like this. No one wants an angry or resentful partner. If the kids already can't see how you feel, they will soon be old enough to see it. |
Anonymous
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My father has been looking after my mother all her adult life basically. They met at 23 and she had her first major Multiple Sclerosis crisis at 26. It takes a special kind of person to do this, OP. I wish you could be that person. My father has always done it all himself, but you must not be afraid of asking for help! What do you need? How can family and friends help you? |
Anonymous
| Is spouse on your health insurance? If so, leaving will likely kill them. |
Anonymous
Rhuematoid Arthritis isn't fatal. It's a horrific curse of a disease but it doesn't kill you. |
Anonymous
Persistent, untreated inflammation will lead to a shorter life, guaranteed. No healthcare=no treatment. |
Anonymous
| Your resentment is disturbing. |
Anonymous
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I’m not sure, but my best friend is 37 and her husband was diagnosed with MS a few years ago. They have two young kids. She does not share everything with me, but it clear to me that he is going downhill fast and he may be paralyzed or I a wheelchair before he turns 40. There are cognitive changes as well. I wouldn’t blame her if she decided to divorce him. I don’t think she should live the next 30 years as his caretaker while working full time and raising two kids. But, it’s not my path.
Wishing you peace with whatever you decide. |
Anonymous
| Are you in a position to pay alimony? |
Anonymous
| Omg |
Anonymous
| Your kids will resent you forever. |
Anonymous
| So you're going to take care of the 3 kids yourself 50% of the time, plus whatever time your spouse medically unable to? |
Anonymous
+1 |