Youngish Spouse- Chronic Illness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I read what the OP wrote and my first thought was what if her DH is an addict?

It's incredibly common for people with RA to deal with asinine questions like this from people who don't really understand RA.

Someone taking opioids 5-10 days every six months is not an addict.

Or maybe you are saying having a spouse with RA is LIKE having a spouse who is an addict? In which case I am the spouse of an addict here to tell you that this is also asinine.

[Anonymous]

My father got transferred and we moved to a warm dry climate when my mom was diagnosed with RA in her 40s. They are in their 90s and she’s been taking care of him for years now.

[Anonymous]

I feel a lot of sympathy for your spouse.

[Anonymous]

PP. I'm very sorry to hear that this is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you picturing will happen after you leave? You will still be working full-time and still mostly raising the kids on your own. You might even be paying your spouse support. Oh and your kids will at some point realize why you left and then what? If your spouse is still alive and doesn’t get remarried some of the burden you are running from will fall to them. And it’s already a huge pain to have divorced parents when they get elderly. They will resent you for that and many more reasons.

What are you thinking will happen? You will find someone else that will be enthusiastic about raising kids that aren’t their own while not judging you for leaving your sick spouse when you needed them? Probably harder to find than you think…

+1 except I don't know about the bolded.

[Anonymous]

1) in your particular situation, RA has loads of amazing medication to manage it, plus new mRNA based treatments will emerge to make it almost a non issue

2) get some kind of help, nanny, family, whatever. she may qualify for disability.

3) is it sex? Is she withholding because she is in pain? Before divorce maybe look at opening up marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will resent you forever.

Yes and will see what a true pos person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow, this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum

+1 and I wrote a comment suggesting a homeowner spray a homeless person with a home to get them away from the prooerty.

*hose

Well, you’re a horrible person too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're going to take care of the 3 kids yourself 50% of the time, plus whatever time your spouse medically unable to?

Please. She’s going to take care of 3 kids by herself 98% of the time — just like she is now. The only difference is she won’t be caring for an adult man, and being a single mom is going to feel like a five star vacation.

[Anonymous]

OMG- you all have NO idea how difficult it can be on a marriage to take care of a spouse who has special needs like this. It is unrelenting and worse than being a single parent at times. You don’t want to think about what you would do in this situation and so you are castigating OP. Everyone is acting like cheating or leaving someone for no other reason than you think you can do better than your spouse is morally better than leaving because you have become a martyr in your marriage and are constantly running on empty taking care of an entire household AND managing a special needs adult.

OP- see if you can find treatments and look into spousal support groups for people with special needs. This sucks sometimes and you have to have a place where you can feel your feelings about this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow, this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum

+1 and I wrote a comment suggesting a homeowner spray a homeless person with a home to get them away from the prooerty.

*hose

Well, you’re a horrible person too.

Nope. I just have an irreverent sense of humor. I get away with it because I do good works irl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I read what the OP wrote and my first thought was what if her DH is an addict?

I think this is a DH who wants to leave his wife.

[Anonymous]

Well I hope I am not replying to my DW.
As others have said the proper medication does wonders. I was never bed ridden but in constant pain. Tons of blood work, but now I am on medication that has changed my life. I am not where I was before, I think my days of racing triathlons are over, but I can still do most activities besides running.
If your spouse was active before, think about how this is effecting them mentally too. It's not just you suffering

[Anonymous]

She was just diagnosed. Give her a chance to start treatment. Geeze.

[Anonymous]

Phil Mickelson is still winning majors with RA. There are great treatments available. My wife has worse going on, and it does take a mental toll, but there are still so much to keep us going.