Youngish Spouse- Chronic Illness
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Anonymous
| You can live a perfectly normal, active life with properly treated RA. Ask me how I know. |
Anonymous
| I was diagnosed with RA 9 years ago. I am on Enbrel and I live a normal life. Before my diagnosis, it was awful! I couldn’t get up and couldn’t walk. Enbrel has been life changing. Please ask your partner to go see a good rheumatologist. It should not have taken this long for a diagnosis. Dr Laukaitis is excellent. |
Anonymous
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OP, what are you picturing will happen after you leave? You will still be working full-time and still mostly raising the kids on your own. You might even be paying your spouse support. Oh and your kids will at some point realize why you left and then what? If your spouse is still alive and doesn’t get remarried some of the burden you are running from will fall to them. And it’s already a huge pain to have divorced parents when they get elderly. They will resent you for that and many more reasons.
What are you thinking will happen? You will find someone else that will be enthusiastic about raising kids that aren’t their own while not judging you for leaving your sick spouse when you needed them? Probably harder to find than you think… |
Anonymous
| *they needed you |
Anonymous
| Op, this health journey of your spouse has been a real outliner event. Opiods? Really?? Are you sure there's no addiction? You should divorce for addiction. Divorce and take full custody. |
Anonymous
Full custody doesn’t work like that. |
Anonymous
|
OP, your situation sounds really, really hard. Don’t make any decisions just yet. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and resentful when life isn’t what you expected. And it doesn’t feel fair when you see friends with healthy spouses and easier lives. But what you are going through riches very deeply on the very meaning of life. Are we on this planet to seek out ease and things that feel good. Or are we in this planet to have an impact where we didn’t necessarily expect it.
I think you should get a therapist. You need someone to listen and a safe spot where you can share your very real frustrations without being judged by others. I do think if you leave your spouse if will likely have lifetime implications on your relationship with your kids and their ability to have a safe, committed marriage. |
Anonymous
| I was diagnosed with my first two chronic illnesses shortly after DH and I started dating. I was 39, had two kids from a previous marriage, and facing life long invisible disabilities. I couldn’t even work for three months. But he stuck around. Even without vows. |
Anonymous
| RA meds can be life-changing, but can take a while to kick in, except for steriods like prednisone. Meanwhile, get some therapy. |
Anonymous
DP. Thank you for this. |
Anonymous
|
I am reading this correct that your upset that your spouse is sick 10-15 days every 6 months?
Is your spouse helping with your three kids and housework the rest of the time, but your just upset that you can’t have the life other guys gets of only working and their wife takes care of the children? Don’t do this to your children. Get help if you need it. Don’t use this as an excuse to cheat her. |
Anonymous
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How many of your “3 young kids” were born during the last 6 years as you were seeking a diagnosis for a serious medical issue in your spouse?
You remind me of SIL who did IVF in April 2020 and then complained her entire pregnancy how unfair it was she was pregnant and giving birth during a pandemic. Uh….. |
Anonymous
| They’re probably better off without you. |
Anonymous
|
Your spouse has had no time whatsoever on actual treatment. Opioids and in bed are not disease-modifying, and a disease-modifying drug is what your spouse needs. S/he may be restored to nearly full capacity by the right one.
You, on the other hand, need something more complicated that takes a lot longer to find. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| So I read what the OP wrote and my first thought was what if her DH is an addict? |