My cousin doesn’t confide in our shared friends

[Anonymous]

My cousin lives local to me. We went to the same college, and share a friend group. Four of us FaceTime every weekend, and frequently text.

She constantly omits details of her life. Everyone talks about what’s going on with kids and everything. I happen to know her daughter has scoliosis and is getting a back brace. But she just says everything is fine. This is just one example. It puts me in an awkward position where I know everyone shares and is being honest, and she acts like things are fine even when they are not.

Do I ask her why? Prompt a deeper conversation?

[Anonymous]

It’s her dd’s story. I’m not sure why you think she owes this information to the friend group.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin lives local to me. We went to the same college, and share a friend group. Four of us FaceTime every weekend, and frequently text.

She constantly omits details of her life. Everyone talks about what’s going on with kids and everything. I happen to know her daughter has scoliosis and is getting a back brace. But she just says everything is fine. This is just one example. It puts me in an awkward position where I know everyone shares and is being honest, and she acts like things are fine even when they are not.

Do I ask her why? Prompt a deeper conversation?

It puts you in no awkward position whatsoever. You want to gossip and chitchat with third parties about HER child and her experiences. You are amazingly immature. I’d say grow up, but that’s obviously not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Omg back down. Maybe she is giving her child privacy. Maybe she doesnt believe in talking about them to others. This is SO not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

You just suck. Man.

[Anonymous]

How do you know that everyone is sharing everything and being honest?
Why are you trying to manage this?
What exactly is awkward about this for you? Are you so immature that you’re unable to process someone not sharing information you already have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

Youre a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

I never write this but - MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin lives local to me. We went to the same college, and share a friend group. Four of us FaceTime every weekend, and frequently text.

She constantly omits details of her life. Everyone talks about what’s going on with kids and everything. I happen to know her daughter has scoliosis and is getting a back brace. But she just says everything is fine. This is just one example. It puts me in an awkward position where I know everyone shares and is being honest, and she acts like things are fine even when they are not.

Do I ask her why? Prompt a deeper conversation?

Why?

[Anonymous]

Play it out the other way, OP. Assume the cousin means well and has no ill intentions. What might be some reasons she wouldn’t share this information about her kid? Make some guesses and share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play it out the other way, OP. Assume the cousin means well and has no ill intentions. What might be some reasons she wouldn’t share this information about her kid? Make some guesses and share here

I'm guessing OP and her friends are snobby gossips. At least OP is.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people cannot learn empathy through nonbrutal methods. Maybe if OP’s cousin found out earlier and told the friends that OP was being cheated on or had lost her job when she was processing it and not sharing, then OP would learn that people’s business is their business, particularly regarding the health of their children. But maybe it wouldn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play it out the other way, OP. Assume the cousin means well and has no ill intentions. What might be some reasons she wouldn’t share this information about her kid? Make some guesses and share here

I'm guessing OP and her friends are snobby gossips. At least OP is.

Where did you get “snobby” from? I can see where you get gossips if they all share everything, including about their kids/and spouses, but you just pulled “snobby” out of the sky. Why?